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  1. #31
    Glycerine
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    Quote Originally Posted by SillySapienne View Post
    Many chicks take the test and come out as ENFP, for it is inherently a feminine type.

    I just re-read your first post and it SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Doesn't resonate with me that I cannot believe that this chick is an ENFP, sorry, I can't.

    Stringstheory, notice your type, first of all.

    Secondly, I was neglected and verbally abused by my father, as well as physically abused by my sister growing up.

    In other words, I've got issues.

    But, I've got a very strong Fi, and the woman you describe sounds nothing like an ENFP, nothing!!!!!

    Why people, and women especially love me is due to the fact that I am NOT A HATER, I LOVE when my friends are happy, when they look beautiful, I don't know, this chick just doesn't seem like a real ENFP, to me.

    My INTP bestfriend is both very jealous and possessive of and over me, as is my ESFp friend, though the latter is more possessive than jealous.

    FPs don't hate on good things, good people, good happenings, they welcome them, they actually LOVE THEM, they want the people they love to be happy, to find love, and they will accommodate them as much as they possibly can to facilitate growth and happiness in those they love.

    Fuck, maybe I'm biased, but I KNOW, and it's been verified by many sources, viable sources, that I am a hardcore ENFP.

    And, I don't roll like that, in fact, I find her behavior sad, unacceptable, and slightly abhorrent. EW!

    I've been hated on by my "friends" hell, even by my family before, and I just sat there and cried inside, shocked by how disgusting a fragile ego can manifest in such cruel actions. :sad:

    So, yeah.

    I bet this chick is NOT an ENFP.

    Seriously.

    Like I said, I'm prone to depression, and I'm a victim of abuse, and my issues do come out with men, at times, with men I'm romantically involved with, but other than that, I NEVER HATE ON WOMEN, unless they're tyrannical cunts who need to be put in their place.

    I see your points but isn't Fi by definition unique to the individual? As a result, you might never act that way but I bet there are a few ENFPs that are like how the OP described. Also people act certain ways independent of their type. I could totally see an ENFP acting this way depending on low self-esteem, social pressures, not feeling accepted for who they are, etc.

    My ENFP sister is really concerned with her looks, makes sure she always has makeup on in public, has a cute outfit on, concerned about not making social fashion faux pas (much more than me, the supposed Fe dom). However, by no means is that all she cares about. She also cares about a lot of the stuff you said in your posts. I would say that my sister is kind of like the combination between you and Marmalade.Sunrise.

  2. #32
    THIS bitch stringstheory's Avatar
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    yeah reading more i'm starting to think that her liking you is coming into play too...if your friend hasn't seen her exhibit this behaviour with ANY of your other friends then it's a real possibility, especially if the possessiveness is manifesting itself in even slightly sexual ways.
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  3. #33
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Loliz View Post
    So, I am not sure how to think about this now, exactly, depending on the feelings behind the situation. When I first read it, I was thinking she had low self-esteem, and now it seems she may have *special* feelings for you too?

    I guess either way it would be good if you all can talk. It doesn't feel good to have to be in the shadow or to feel like someone is being possessive or controlling. My ENFPs can deal with pretty open, honest, emotional conversations. I am intimidated bringing up things to my friend I was talking about earlier because she is prone to anger, but she is a good friend, too, and ultimately really wants our relationship to be good. If you are worried she will take it badly, just make sure you present it in a non-attacking way.
    Ugh. I hate talking. I'll play it by ear. Next time it happens I'll mention something.

    Quote Originally Posted by stringstheory View Post
    yeah reading more i'm starting to think that her liking you is coming into play too...if your friend hasn't seen her exhibit this behaviour with ANY of your other friends then it's a real possibility, especially if the possessiveness is manifesting itself in even slightly sexual ways.
    That would have been my first guess but I just don't sense that from her. If I attempted to rekindle a romance with her I don't think she would. IMO, part of her attraction to me is that I'm not a smitten admirer of hers. You know what I mean? I see more ego than desire from her. That could just be my ISTP perspective but if that is the case I don't get that mentality at all.
    ~luck favors the ready~


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  4. #34
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    actually, to me, i can see 100% ENFP. i have had these feelings and behaviors before - though i agree with those who say it really sounds like she would like a relationship with you again. that, or she has not really been able to move on yet, so she still feels attachment to you, and it's hard for her to let go of seeing you as her counterpart, so to speak. it's probably a bit of jealousy that you got noticed over her for appearance, too. no offense to her of course but it sounds like her self-esteem is not very high and that may be the root of a lot of this behavior.

    Quote Originally Posted by MDP2525 View Post
    So once a lover of an ENFP always a lover to an ENFP?
    yeah... i feel like the basic reasons i love(d) someone never really go away, even if the relationship isn't right... :blushing: and i tend to hang on to mental intimacy.

    Quote Originally Posted by MDP2525 View Post
    She confuses me whenever she talks about when we dated. I ended it for very specific reasons which her actions caused. But then later she says it could have worked if I liked girls as much as guys.

    She recently told me she thinks I have the most sex appeal of anyone she knows. She doesn't know why she's so attracted to me but she feels a "pull" towards me.
    well, myself and her are not the same person of course, but given that you ended it and she still feels attraction for you... her directing blame at you "not liking girls as much", to me, sounds like a very emotionally-charged and evasive (for fear of blatant rejection) way of suggesting "i want you and it blows that i don't have you but maybe if i bring it up like that you'll contradict me and tell me you really do like me." it sounds like a combination of resentment and hopeful bait, and it's kind of beating around the bush - it keeps the possibility open that you still do like her, because you probably won't respond if it's true, only if it's false. (wow this kind of breakdown is really revealing about my own behavior. but all of this i'm talking about, in the moment, is completely and totally subconscious.)

    one thing about ENFPs, if she is like me... we have quite a lot of emotions running, at a very low (almost subconscious) level all the time, and our underlying reality does remain the same. certain emotions just manifest/surface at certain times: sometimes consciously chosen, sometimes not so much. so to us it's not so much a huge change as it is simply shifting gears... even if going from 5 to 2 can be a little bumpy for everyone involved.

    Quote Originally Posted by SillySapienne View Post
    But yeah, as an ENFP, we would be disgusted by someone who simply values us because of our physical appearance.
    fundamentally i would agree with this, though i think it's a complex issue too. i know that i am very attentive to and aware of my appearance - and i do like people to appreciate that about me, since it is both self-expression and social gesture. but i agree that i feel offended when it's assumed that's the only worthwhile thing about me.

    i suspect that someone who is very into modeling places a lot of representative value into her appearance as well, and it would heighten the ENFP tendency to look to others for positive attention and affirmation of self-worth. i know it's not logical, but sometimes i feel like not getting attention or affirmation (especially someone else getting attention when i'm present too) is a mark against me - like an active negative, that someone does not like me and that i am not worth attention. when i feel like that with someone i really care for - and/or whose affirmation i depend on - i can get really afraid that i'm "losing" them. jealousy is an expression of fear, to me (huh, self-realization right there again, thanks Te) and i generally act out and do something stupid so that person will be attentive to me, and only me, again. it's stupid and illogical and really rather self-serving, but it's my gut reaction if i feel threatened (which generally correlates to me feeling down about myself.)

    Quote Originally Posted by Satine View Post
    Lemme be the first to say that you boys and girls (ISTPS) are hard to ignore and hard to forget about

    There's few people that I experience as intense and freedom-loving, in a way that I enjoy myself, but ISTPs often do seem to fit that bill. It's addicitive to find someone who can make your emotions soar and who isn't afraid of your intensity as well as enjoy the fact that they can let loose as well.
    totally agreed and the ISTPs i have known have had a confidence that is beautiful and so freeing.

    Quote Originally Posted by stringstheory View Post
    yeah reading more i'm starting to think that her liking you is coming into play too...if your friend hasn't seen her exhibit this behaviour with ANY of your other friends then it's a real possibility, especially if the possessiveness is manifesting itself in even slightly sexual ways.
    for me at least, beauty is very representative... so vocally appreciating someone's appearance functions as a more removed way of telling them i appreciate them. i notice beauty much more when i start to appreciate someone on a personal level (with friends too, but exponentially more when it's romantic)

    Quote Originally Posted by MDP2525 View Post
    That would have been my first guess but I just don't sense that from her. If I attempted to rekindle a romance with her I don't think she would. IMO, part of her attraction to me is that I'm not a smitten admirer of hers. You know what I mean? I see more ego than desire from her. That could just be my ISTP perspective but if that is the case I don't get that mentality at all.
    i think what you said about not being a smitten admirer is very true. if she is like myself and sapienne, then ignoring that shallow-level admiration is attractive because it means you've gone further, to whatever is underneath, what is most important to us. and it separates you from the pack. maintaining exterior appearance gives us something easy to fall back on (plus it's just enjoyable to express ourselves that way, and i personally like the artistry involved) -- but what we really want is to be appreciated for our inner selves.

    my thought is, you could just lay it out on the table very simply like that... explain to her that if she wants to be with you, then the way she's acting is understandable, but if she doesn't, it's not fair. reassuring her that she is beautiful / valuable / worthy of attention (if you think she is and you would want to express that) probably couldn't hurt either - especially to boost her self-confidence in terms of finding someone else if you would rather not have the relationship rekindle. my gut says that she really still likes you, or at least is still holding on in some way.


    --
    i kind of have to thank you MDP because talking about this stuff has really helped me understand myself more too

  5. #35
    Junior Member Loliz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MDP2525 View Post
    Ugh. I hate talking. I'll play it by ear. Next time it happens I'll mention something.
    I sorta hate it too but I have found no other way to deal with the deep stuff. It saves my butt. Otherwise I would have friend breakups or move or act a fool cause I am emo. Not really sure how other people "deal" with things...?

  6. #36
    Senior Member Ratsimoan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MDP2525 View Post
    One of my closest friends is an ENFP. There is a side of her behavior that puzzles me.

    This ENFP is very beautiful. She was a model for a top agency at one point in her life. She certainly gets a lot of attention. She always has an orbit of admirers around.

    On certain occasions where I'm getting more attention than her (it doesn't happen often) she becomes either withdrawn or possessive. My ENTJ friend even noticed this and asked me about it. It's something that I noticed myself but never said anything about.

    Some examples: I never get dressed up or wear makeup that much. People don't recognize me when I do. On my birthday, I decided to pretty it up and sure enough got a lot of attention. ENFP was complimentary toward me then kept mentioning that she thought she didn't look good enough that night.

    Another time, we were both at a bar watching live music at a table when this woman approached and started hitting on me. ENFP reaches over and lays her hand on my thigh in front of the woman. When the woman leaves she goes back to 'normal'

    When she first met my ENTJ friend, she actually physically pushed the ENTJ away from me when we were at a club dancing. We were all drinking but I was shocked that she would do that.

    Me and ENFP dated very briefly about two years ago and streamlined into a close friendship. I know ENFP doesn't like me in that way so I can't understand her behavior.
    I didn't read through all the posts. I can be possessive and jealous in friendship, but I blame it on my enneagram. I'm a type 4, we can get envious. Maybe your friend is a type 4. But I only get like that when I'm not feeling good about myself or plainly when I'm PMSing ( sorry if that's too much info). I normally don't act like that in friendship. It could be your friend still much like you! Is your friend like that all the time?
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  7. #37
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    okay so just read the first page so far but she's not just a friend...she's an ex you're friends with...different thing most likely and i think i agree with stringtheory's point...i think it screws with your head to get too much attention for the way you look and it's probably affected her confidence...she might feel invisible and worthless when it's been too long...strange thing that...it's an issue that she has tho and i'd talk to her about it because she needs to get right with herself and get to a place where she doesn't need so much external validation...it's definitely weak self confidence that would make others feel jealous...imo.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
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  8. #38
    meinmeinmein! mmhmm's Avatar
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    when people make other people feel bad...
    it's because they usually feel bad about
    themselves. i don't think it's exclusively
    a type thing. perhaps being enfp makes
    it more of a sensitivity issue.

    she may feel insecure which leads to feeling
    threatened... most likely your friend is territorial
    so that you won't ditch her... she is probably in the
    mindframe that "attention is the most basic form of love".
    and needs that... even if it's not romantic love.

    possessive-ness. it's the drama-causer...
    every normal man must be tempted, at times,
    to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag,
    and begin slitting throats.
    h.l. mencken

  9. #39
    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SillySapienne View Post
    Many chicks take the test and come out as ENFP, for it is inherently a feminine type.

    I just re-read your first post and it SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Doesn't resonate with me that I cannot believe that this chick is an ENFP, sorry, I can't.

    Stringstheory, notice your type, first of all.

    Secondly, I was neglected and verbally abused by my father, as well as physically abused by my sister growing up.

    In other words, I've got issues.

    But, I've got a very strong Fi, and the woman you describe sounds nothing like an ENFP, nothing!!!!!

    Why people, and women especially love me is due to the fact that I am NOT A HATER, I LOVE when my friends are happy, when they look beautiful, I don't know, this chick just doesn't seem like a real ENFP, to me.

    My INTP bestfriend is both very jealous and possessive of and over me, as is my ESFp friend, though the latter is more possessive than jealous.

    FPs don't hate on good things, good people, good happenings, they welcome them, they actually LOVE THEM, they want the people they love to be happy, to find love, and they will accommodate them as much as they possibly can to facilitate growth and happiness in those they love.

    Fuck, maybe I'm biased, but I KNOW, and it's been verified by many sources, viable sources, that I am a hardcore ENFP.

    And, I don't roll like that, in fact, I find her behavior sad, unacceptable, and slightly abhorrent. EW!

    I've been hated on by my "friends" hell, even by my family before, and I just sat there and cried inside, shocked by how disgusting a fragile ego can manifest in such cruel actions. :sad:

    So, yeah.

    I bet this chick is NOT an ENFP.

    Seriously.

    Like I said, I'm prone to depression, and I'm a victim of abuse, and my issues do come out with men, at times, with men I'm romantically involved with, but other than that, I NEVER HATE ON WOMEN, unless they're tyrannical cunts who need to be put in their place.

    I'm with SillySapienne on this one. Sounds like ESFP or another type. I have had my own share of self-esteem issues over the years, but NEVER EVER NEVER have I been jealous of my friends (or boyfriends for that matter). This does not sound ENFP at all.

    I think SillySapienne hit the nail on the head about the Fi being in play here. Auxiliary Fi mean that I get great / sincere enjoyment when watching those around me experience happiness and success. Furthermore, it would tell me that not being happy for my friends is morally wrong.

    Bad tests, poorly thought out answers, etc. can cause skewing on test results. I'd step back and observe my friend to see if I could deduce what type she is... then if I felt sure she was really an ENFP, I'd give her a figurative whack on the back of the head. Her feelings might get hurt, but this isn't necessarily a bad thing. Sounds like she's being a self-centered insecure person... and NOT a very good friend to you. Sometimes we need to get "whacked on the back of the head" by a friend to realize our own idiocy.
    ENFP with kick*ss Te | 7w8 so | ♀

  10. #40
    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SillySapienne View Post
    Orobas, I don't care if you are a drop dead gorgeous ENFP, we don't care about looks, we care about ideas, intellect, integrity. An ENFP who is obsessed with her looks is kinda an impossibility.
    ^^^^^
    This rings true to me.
    ENFP with kick*ss Te | 7w8 so | ♀

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