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  1. #101
    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Whoah! OK, the background story changes everything for me. Let me just say that your friend, while I'm sure she has some wonderful qualities, needs a serious re-think about her actions. She sounds like an either really immature or very unhealthy ENFP.

    Some immature ENFPs can flit around from experience to experience... or in this case lover to lover. It's sort of an extension of the being distracted by something new and shiny thing.

    But in my opinion, only the most out of balance ENFPs would be so focused on experiencing new things that they would forget to take into account the feelings of the people around them.

    I find it disgusting that your friend would put you in such a horrible position as being stranded in a strange place with people you didn't know that well... after treating you with such disrespect as to be physically intimate with someone else 1) after you made your boundaries so clear, and 2) when she knew you were nearby and very well might catch her inflagranti delicto.

    So I would say to you, MDP2525, that you should control the only thing you can, which is yourself. In other words, set good boundaries with her and don't take any of her crap.

    And, don't doubt yourself so much... if you are doubting yourself. Listen to your emotional instincts. They seem to be telling you a lot...

    My ISTP is such an awesome, kind, and considerate person. But he has very little trust in his emotions. He's always analyzing them to see if he is "feeling" the correct thing. Sometimes he does this to the extent that he discounts his ability to make emotionally based decisions... to the point of out-of-balance insecurity.

    I don't know if this dynamic is going on with you, but I encourage you to have faith in your feelings (good or bad) about people. Trust your intuition about this girl and whether or not her behavior is OK...

    For example, your ENFP friend probably has many wonderful qualities, but that doesn't change the fact that she also engaged in some inconsiderate, nay selfish, behaviors. I'm referring to the cheating and the possessive behavior. She pushed someone away from you that you were dancing with? That is totally unacceptable.

    So let me repeat again, you are the only thing you can control. Set good and firm boundaries with her. And if she can't honor them, kick her to the curb. You do neither you nor her any service by allowing her to behave in such an unacceptable manner.
    ENFP with kick*ss Te | 7w8 so | ♀

  2. #102
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Esoteric Wench View Post
    So let me repeat again, you are the only thing you can control. Set good and firm boundaries with her. And if she can't honor them, kick her to the curb. You do neither you nor her any service by allowing her to behave in such an unacceptable manner.
    ^^this. I didnt want to be harsh, but it sounds like...at least from your story..she was being very unkind to you. We all have darker aspects of our past or have acted out at times..but she kinds was acting way, way out...The fact that she repeated the behavior, after you explained your feelings, is very, very bad in my mind. Her tendency to still be possessive sounds like it carrying through a bit to the present day.

    Be very clear about exactly what she has done-just like you were in the intimate situation-and exactly what the consequence will be if her behavior continues. Be very clear and direct-perhaps to refresh her memory-that no relationship is possible and that her behaviors are NOT okay.

    I wish you the best though as it sounds like you really do care much for her...we learn the hard way sometimes though, so by being very, very direct you may hurt her feelings...but help her grow and mature a bit more.

  3. #103
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Esoteric Wench View Post
    I find it disgusting that your friend would put you in such a horrible position as being stranded in a strange place with people you didn't know that well... after treating you with such disrespect as to be physically intimate with someone else 1) after you made your boundaries so clear, and 2) when she knew you were nearby and very well might catch her inflagranti delicto.
    geez, guys, can we PLEASE stop criticizing the person we don't even know?

    yes it sounds like she's having some boundary problems and yes it sounds like she's being selfish... BUT

    just because she did something you wouldn't do does not make her unhealthy, or completely self-centered, or immature, or disgusting.

    :steam:

  4. #104
    Senior Member You's Avatar
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    Skylight stole the words out of my mouth. All that insulting is for the birds. Stop it guys, it's not very reflective of how cool we're all suppose to be.

  5. #105
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    I'm betting the ISTP is going :rolli: by now

    Makes you wonder why they put up with us
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  6. #106
    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Satine View Post
    I'm betting the ISTP is going :rolli: by now

    Makes you wonder why they put up with us
    Ha ha! That completely cracked me up. Yeah... I always consider it a miracle when anyone ever puts up with my ENFP-ness.
    ENFP with kick*ss Te | 7w8 so | ♀

  7. #107
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Esoteric Wench View Post
    Ha ha! That completely cracked me up. Yeah... I always consider it a miracle when anyone ever puts up with my ENFP-ness.
    including other ENFPs? :blushing:

    that was a little Fi outburst on my part, sorry!

  8. #108
    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Ohhhh.... I love my fellow ENFPs skylights! And I hear you about the Fi outburst. I always enjoy your posts, btw.

    Let me just say this:

    I believe in holding my judgment open as long as possible. However, sometimes it's better to call a spade a spade.

    I don't want to malign this ENFP mentioned in the OP. But I find it hard to defend her behavior either.

    I guess that I've come to the conclusion that even if my judgments sometimes exclude the worthy, not making a judgment is a worse hell. I can fix a mistake in judgment... such as prematurely condemning MDP2525's ex-girl toy with apologies and sincere Fi reaching out gestures. But I can't later fix not be discriminating enough.
    ENFP with kick*ss Te | 7w8 so | ♀

  9. #109
    Senior Member Rebe's Avatar
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    It sounds like two things. One, she still have feelings for you. But, what's more important to her than those feelings is her need to be loved/adored by you/and maybe others too because she has low self-esteem/needs validation/attention/etc. Seems like you either talk it out with her or just break off contact and not deal with the mess. If you care about her, you may want to make her feel better, coddle her a bit. But if you don't care (enough), you should just leave it behind you and let her figure it out all by herself. I don't think it's a matter of being in love as much as wanting to re-possess you in an unhealthy, self-validating, completely selfish way.

    However, sometimes it's better to call a spade a spade.
    I agree.

  10. #110
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    geez, guys, can we PLEASE stop criticizing the person we don't even know?

    yes it sounds like she's having some boundary problems and yes it sounds like she's being selfish... BUT

    just because she did something you wouldn't do does not make her unhealthy, or completely self-centered, or immature, or disgusting.

    :steam:
    Yeah, actually what she does actually does make her pretty self-centered and immature.

    And frankly, it personally disgusts me. Like, I'm thinking if I was with a male who did that to me or one of my friends I'd really think he was a creep...soooo.....it applies equally to women.

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