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Thread: Common ENFJ Issues

  1. #1
    The Black Knight Array Domino's Avatar
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    Exclamation Common ENFJ Issues

    I think having one of these bad boys for the ENFJs fits quite nicely with the others. So shiny. So... shiny... *eye spirals*

    I feel a little unqualified for some stupid reason (I hate reason! Get outta here!) to start this thread because my E/I axis is nearly balanced with one beating out the other at any given time, but big fat whatever!

    I learn a lot from the NFJs here.

    So learn me. *whips out little slate and chalk and kicks Tom Sawyer*
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  2. #2
    Lungs & Lips Locked Array Unkindloving's Avatar
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    I contemplated starting this, but am not concise enough at the moment. Soon, i'll try to rally thoughts.
    Hang on traveling woman - Don't sacrifice your plan
    Cause it will come back to you - Before you lose it on the man


    .:: DWTWD ::.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]


    2011 TypeC Exercise Challenge - My Weekly Goals: Cardio 4x. Yoga/Pilates 1x. Pushups 70.

    There is this thing keeping everyone's lungs and lips locked - It is called fear and it's seeing a great renaissance
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  3. #3
    The Black Knight Array Domino's Avatar
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    Excellent news, my fine lady. I can hardly wait to hear your lucid and insightful inputs.

    *Reality leaking like a sieve
    *Great expectations that become obsessive drives when it's clear I'm asking too much of myself or my situation
    *Others' emotions lodging in me like bullets
    *The need to make mean or nasty things less so because it's so hard to accept or process through
    *Being oblivious to my surroundings
    *The need to make very bad situations "okay" for myself or others even if I have to lie to myself or gloss over the worst parts for others so I/they can cope
    *Putting my needs dead last/overextending myself
    *Becoming overwhelmed by all the terrible things in the world and becoming furiously angry/depressed
    *Feeling a need to perform and be pleasing 24/7
    *Bluntness (standing in stark contrast to my "cushioning" of blows)
    *Bad tempered and/or moodiness
    *Need to be left alone for hours each day
    *Awful scathing sarcasm when really angry
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious
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  4. #4
    Iron Maiden Array fidelia's Avatar
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    I'm glad that you guys are doing this. So here's a start: Where do common areas of conflict come up between you and other types? Secondly, in what ways are your actions/behaviours sometimes not understood or misconstrued? Finally, what are any leftover things you have to add to the mix that may or may not be ENFJ issues?

    I do know that while ENFJs are both genuine and personable, many people don't really get to know them. They will even steer conversation away from themselves. I'm guessing it has something to do with not being sure if 1) The other person is really that interested 2) They can handle their intensity 3) They are used to taking that role with other people so it feels unnatural or selfish to talk about their own problems 4) Only a very select core group of people know who they really are and it takes time to build up that kind of trust. Don't know though.

  5. #5
    Iron Maiden Array fidelia's Avatar
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    Putting needs last and others emotions lodging like bullets is definitely something I've seen in my mum.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Array Sparrow's Avatar
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    Issues I am trying to work on currently:

    -Being so loyal to someone to the point of feeling used by them :|

    -Making excuses for people who are really in the wrong

    -Not taking a time out for myself...Im finally doing that for the first time in a while, got in to a huge fight about it with the old ball n chain. But here I am alone, it feels great ....it was much needed.

    -Taking things way to personally all the time & needing validation from others

    -Obsessing over problems to the point of insomnia

    -Letting other peoples feelings & problems take over my own

    -Not knowing boundaries...being nice to everyone can be dangerous

    -Letting things build up inside to the point of exploding anger

    Any tips from other types or ENFJ's are welcomed Damn, I feel like a hot mess!
    Fe | Ni | Se | Ti ... 3w4 ... Lawful Neutral ... Johari -Nohari
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  7. #7
    Senior Member Array Sparrow's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    I do know that while ENFJs are both genuine and personable, many people don't really get to know them. They will even steer conversation away from themselves. I'm guessing it has something to do with not being sure if 1) The other person is really that interested 2) They can handle their intensity 3) They are used to taking that role with other people so it feels unnatural or selfish to talk about their own problems 4) Only a very select core group of people know who they really are and it takes time to build up that kind of trust. Don't know though.
    Yes, Yes, Yes, & Yes . I dunno, I feel like conversation is an art form that some people (not all) aren't really good at. I have no problem opening up if I felt like the other person really cared.
    Fe | Ni | Se | Ti ... 3w4 ... Lawful Neutral ... Johari -Nohari

  8. #8
    Senior Member Array paisley1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sparrow View Post
    Yes, Yes, Yes, & Yes . I dunno, I feel like conversation is an art form that some people (not all) aren't really good at. I have no problem opening up if I felt like the other person really cared.
    Kinda difficult to know if the other person really cares over the internet, other than quoting your text, and responding to your Fe Ni. I'm backwards, I'm Ni Fe. Sorta the same thing, but I need alone time, and you need people time.
    Extroverted (E) 50% Introverted (I) 50%
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    8w9 EIE

  9. #9
    The Black Knight Array Domino's Avatar
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    I'm glad that you guys are doing this. So here's a start: Where do common areas of conflict come up between you and other types?
    When I sense that they aren't extending themselves for the greater good. Selfishness really makes me mad. On the flip side of that, I'm very self-contained and perhaps that to is a form of selfishness.

    When I sense that they are taxing others' patience by taking advantage of their good manners. Rudeness is arrogance and a clear signal that someone thinks too highly of themselves.

    When I see that someone is acting out (even when it's subtle) or enshrining their feelings. I will not wade through that morass. Grow up.

    I can't explain just how I know someone is being disingenuous. I just know. And I have found myself alone because I'm intolerant of it.


    Secondly, in what ways are your actions/behaviours sometimes not understood or misconstrued?
    That my kindess or personable approach to people is just a show.

    Finally, what are any leftover things you have to add to the mix that may or may not be ENFJ issues?
    I'm moody, and it's usually because I haven't had a chance to process through things. I despair of the "process". I'm CONSTANTLY processing, and I can't control it. NOTHING rolls off of me. I see a toxic person coming my way, and my first instinct is to run for it or hit them over the nead with a board just to avoid having to detoxify myself from absorbing their garbage. It's like being Rogue from the X-Men only without the spandex outfit and cool powers.

    I do know that while ENFJs are both genuine and personable, many people don't really get to know them. They will even steer conversation away from themselves. I'm guessing it has something to do with not being sure if 1) The other person is really that interested 2) They can handle their intensity 3) They are used to taking that role with other people so it feels unnatural or selfish to talk about their own problems 4) Only a very select core group of people know who they really are and it takes time to build up that kind of trust. Don't know though
    I rope myself off from people. It's a kneejerk response. My ENFP twin has the ability to see me as clearly as anyone can see me because she grew up with me and I can't put on a facade. The facade is there to protect ME and guarantee the best outcome. If someone hurts my facade, it doesn't get to me so easily. They're like turtle shells.

    Recently, when I had to sell some of our jewelry to make ends meet, I was a little nervous about being in a pawnshop - I had never been in one before and wasn't sure of the process. I got dolled up because people respond better to you when you look nice. My mother parked the car and let me go in by myself because I "work" better solo, and she knows that. When I have to "work" a situation or person, no one who knows me can be present because they might consider my behavior exaggerated. I have to pour on whatever charm I know will benefit me in that moment -whether it's subtle and mirroring my host, or it's very warm and casual.

    In this case, I was warm and casual. I leaned on the glass case on my elbows like I didn't have a care in the world. I explained each piece of jewelry to my host with funny stories which he responded well to. I have to get them (whoever THEM is) on my side when there's something important at stake.

    I feel weird explaining that just now because I know it's just going to reconfirm the negative stigmas people have about ENFJs being chameleons and body snatchers.

    I don't do this to my friends. My warmness to strangers isn't fake either. My warmth to the pawn shop guy wasn't fake - after a minute, I knew that he was a really nice person.

    Yes. Getting to see the real me is a nightmare sometimes, but trust me when I say that what you see in me is real and very much me. I'm not being nice to you because I'm trying to manipulate you. If I don't like you, you'll get the frosty claws.

    I've noticed the use of personas in a lot of NFJs. We need a lot of time to ourselves.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious
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  10. #10
    Glycerine
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    Quote Originally Posted by Domino View Post
    Excellent news, my fine lady. I can hardly wait to hear your lucid and insightful inputs.

    *Reality leaking like a sieve
    *Great expectations that become obsessive drives when it's clear I'm asking too much of myself or my situation
    *Others' emotions lodging in me like bullets
    *The need to make mean or nasty things less so because it's so hard to accept or process through
    *Being oblivious to my surroundings
    *The need to make very bad situations "okay" for myself or others even if I have to lie to myself or gloss over the worst parts for others so I/they can cope
    *Putting my needs dead last/overextending myself
    *Becoming overwhelmed by all the terrible things in the world and becoming furiously angry/depressed
    *Feeling a need to perform and be pleasing 24/7
    *Bluntness (standing in stark contrast to my "cushioning" of blows)
    *Bad tempered and/or moodiness
    *Need to be left alone for hours each day
    *Awful scathing sarcasm when really angry
    Add to that:
    manipulation when pissed.
    The constant battle of trying to please others and trying to be yourself.
    The pull to take on others' problems even when it may be none of our business
    Being too hard on ourselves
    Some of us can be major "martyr types" (not me)
    Hard to get to know and can seem closed off (come off way too formal and uptight)
    Can talk too much
    If we judge too hastily, we can up with some really wacky conclusions
    We can come off really "definite" and "absolute". It can come off judgmental whether or not we really feel that way about a topic.
    Can play devil's advocate and staunchly argue a position we don't necessarily believe in and be idiosyncratic with our beliefs (maybe more of a personal issue)
    With me personally, I like to test people to see how they will react (typically not harmful things but it still probably isn't the best thing to do).

    ....You have me nailed.

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