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View Poll Results: My Fe burns like a white-hot volcano deep inside my...

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  1. #161
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    I test close to 50/50 in my I/E also, but after reading up on the characteristics of each, and after my INFJ(they think they know everything MBTI) sister in law TELLING me I'm an ENFJ, I feel I really am more of an ENFJ... and after reading even more, I'm almost a stereotypical ENFJ.

    Here are some of the issues I deal with off and on and some of them constantly:
    - I am always thinking about a year or two into the future and make myself miserable now, working to achieve those goals.
    - When I do get tired of working my fingers and mind to the bone, I have 4 or 5 days of an "IDGAF" attitude... but then I get depressed that I'm not trying as hard at EVERYTHING ALL AT ONCE, that I go back to my usual. It's hard to find a happy middle ground.
    - My Fe is so strong that it almost harms me. When I hear about someone getting hurt intentionally by another person it affects me deeply. It's been that way since I was a kid. My mom would watch a lifetime movies when I was like 6 or 7 and a woman would get raped and I would just fly off the handle. I'd cry and cry for hours at the thought that humanity could be that sick. I later learned coping mechanisms(like when I hear something on the news, immediately stop what I'm doing, pray and then imagine myself giving the victim a giant hug and tell them that I'm so sorry that this happened to them. Sometimes, I still fly off the handle, though. And if I personally hurt someone's feelings, I feel horrible about it until I can make peace with them. And then I still feel horrible for a while after that.
    - I take too much responsibility for things - and it goes both ways. If something goes bad, I tend to blame myself. But also, if something goes right, I like to take credit for it. Unless there is someone who I know that would be really happy if they got credit for it(there goes my Fe again), I will make sure they get credit.
    - I'm always helping. In fact, I love it sooooo much that when I'm working(as a nurse) I like to be the float nurse so I can walk up to anyone and everyone and say, "Okay, I'm here. What do you need? What can I do for you? I'm here to help everyone." I LOVE it!
    - I think I may have already touched on my Ni by talking about my need to look into the future, but even when it comes to the immediate future, I'm always making predictions on how events are going to unfold... and I'm right a lot of the time. In my line of work, we tend to be very superstitious... never saying anything out loud like, "Oh, she'll have a normal delivery." or "I sure hope we don't have any STATS tonight." I always feel like the universe is messing with us(We are in the business of birth... I think the universe likes it.).
    - When it comes to making friends and having relationships, I like to have relationships with people that I can talk to about ANYTHING. My best friend of 11 years(an ISFJ), my husband(an ENFP), and my dad(an ISTP) are those people. The relationship I have with others who I'm kind of close to, but not enough to share EVERYTHING is my mom(an ENFP), my sister in law(an INFJ), and my mother in law(an INTJ). Anyone else, I'm afraid that I might offend them with some of the things I say, so that they may think I'm weird, or that I'm WAY TO INTENSE for them. I tend to keep quiet until I can be assured that I won't make a bad first impression. Then I ease into conversations, and if they are showing the same intensity and similar beliefs that I have, THEN I will open up. But it's so difficult because I CRAVE emotional connectivity in social interactions. I want to know people deep down, inside and out. And if they are willing to open up to me, I want them to know me just as well.
    - One more thing, I'm highly manipulative and persuasive. I don't even realize it sometimes. My husband pointed it out when we were reading about our types. Now I see that it is sooooooo evident. One of my most evident manipulations went like this:
    Me: Hey Ben, are you hungry?
    Ben: Yeah, I am!
    Me: Oh! I could cook some roasted asparagus, BBQ chicken, and some of that rice that you like!
    Ben: OMG that sounds amazing!
    Me: Well, I could start now, but the sink is full of dishes. I'd have to do the dishes first. *sigh and a sad face*
    Ben: Oh don't worry about it! I'll do the dishes!
    Me: Okay, I'll go defrost the chicken! *rubs hand together while laughing devilishly under breath*

    I guess that's all for now. So what to you guys think... am I a textbook ENFJ?

  2. #162
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    ^You sound ESFJ to me.

    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    Any comments on major differences between INFJs and ENFJs?
    ENFJs are entertaining.

    Talking of which, where is Domino?
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  3. #163
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    Yo, @frylockholmes, I'ma help by telling you what also resonates with me. Because helping is what I do. Because, you know, stereotype of whatever.

    - I am always thinking about a year or two into the future and make myself miserable now, working to achieve those goals.
    Yup. Busted ass in my late teens/early twenties to make a good foundation for myself. It paid off. Still progressing, trying to never rest on my laurels, but also trying to find a balance between future-focus and enjoying the present.

    - When I do get tired of working my fingers and mind to the bone, I have 4 or 5 days of an "IDGAF" attitude... but then I get depressed that I'm not trying as hard at EVERYTHING ALL AT ONCE, that I go back to my usual. It's hard to find a happy middle ground.
    Same, except replace "4 or 5 days" with "a few months." Then again, I'm also 'bipoolar lite,' so that's probably an explanation. Still, I sometimes work myself to exhaustion and then do need a break.

    - My Fe is so strong that it almost harms me. When I hear about someone getting hurt intentionally by another person it affects me deeply. It's been that way since I was a kid. My mom would watch a lifetime movies when I was like 6 or 7 and a woman would get raped and I would just fly off the handle. I'd cry and cry for hours at the thought that humanity could be that sick. I later learned coping mechanisms(like when I hear something on the news, immediately stop what I'm doing, pray and then imagine myself giving the victim a giant hug and tell them that I'm so sorry that this happened to them. Sometimes, I still fly off the handle, though. And if I personally hurt someone's feelings, I feel horrible about it until I can make peace with them. And then I still feel horrible for a while after that.
    Doesn't really resonate with me, asidbut regarding those last two sentences, my default is to try to be as diplomatic as possible when I have to deliver bad news. I'd tended to avoid confrontation--not always, but once in a while--until recently.

    - I take too much responsibility for things - and it goes both ways. If something goes bad, I tend to blame myself. But also, if something goes right, I like to take credit for it. Unless there is someone who I know that would be really happy if they got credit for it(there goes my Fe again), I will make sure they get credit.
    God yes, it comes down to taking on responsibility and allowing the weight of the world to rest squarely on your own shoulders. Although, because of the depressive episodes associated with that ol' bipolar lite, I never really felt that I deserved credit for accomplishments until recently. I definitely share credit with team.

    - I'm always helping. In fact, I love it sooooo much that when I'm working(as a nurse) I like to be the float nurse so I can walk up to anyone and everyone and say, "Okay, I'm here. What do you need? What can I do for you? I'm here to help everyone." I LOVE it!
    When the boss man and others are clearly stressed, I'll do what I can to help lighten the load--or at least offer. I figure that fostering that sort of culture is healthier for all of us--the whole 'strength in numbers' deal. Sometimes, their time is more valuable than mine, or I'm in a better position to do such-and-such a task anyway.

    But often I forget to.. you know, receive help, because I'm one to shoulder responsibility.

    - I think I may have already touched on my Ni by talking about my need to look into the future, but even when it comes to the immediate future, I'm always making predictions on how events are going to unfold... and I'm right a lot of the time. In my line of work, we tend to be very superstitious... never saying anything out loud like, "Oh, she'll have a normal delivery." or "I sure hope we don't have any STATS tonight." I always feel like the universe is messing with us(We are in the business of birth... I think the universe likes it.).
    Mostly agree here. I do trust my intuition, but I try to be careful of selection bias, wherein we choose to interpret situations such that 'we were right all along.' In any case, our gut reactions tell us (all of us, not just such-and-such a type) something. They're trained and honed through experience.

    Sometimes, I act against my instincts/intuition just to see if I'm wrong or if I can learn something. Y'know, just to test things out, to see if the ol' barometer is calibrated.

    - When it comes to making friends and having relationships, I like to have relationships with people that I can talk to about ANYTHING. [...] I want to know people deep down, inside and out. And if they are willing to open up to me, I want them to know me just as well.
    God, same. I almost don't bother maintaining long-term connections with those who I can't know inside and out and vice versa. I've got about five or so close friends, and two of them happen to be family.

    Anyone else, I'm afraid that I might offend them with some of the things I say, so that they may think I'm weird, or that I'm WAY TO INTENSE for them. I tend to keep quiet until I can be assured that I won't make a bad first impression. Then I ease into conversations, and if they are showing the same intensity and similar beliefs that I have, THEN I will open up. But it's so difficult because I CRAVE emotional connectivity in social interactions.
    I'm not particularly afraid--I used to be, to the point of not trying--but I like making a good first impression because (a) my ego craves a lil' bit of 'being charming' and (b) first impressions can afford opportunities. They're not everything, though, and if I fuck up, I fuck up. Ah well, next time.

    Depending on how I gauge some group situation, I'll either take on the tone of the group, serve as a counterpoint to the tone of the group, or change the tone of the group.

    The other day, I hosted a meeting with a bunch of.. well, formal.. millions-of-dollars investors, and I treated them as though I were trying to motivate a class of first-graders. They'd been subjected to stodgy academic presentations all day, man, and they needed something different. After setting the tone and sticking with the tone, many got past their initial uncomfortability, rolled with it, and interacted. I got kudos from several of them afterward.

    - One more thing, I'm highly manipulative and persuasive. I don't even realize it sometimes. My husband pointed it out when we were reading about our types. Now I see that it is sooooooo evident. One of my most evident manipulations went like this:
    I'll proceed by broadening the term 'manipulative' to mean 'manipulative, but not necessarily in a bad way as we tend to mean it.' Perhaps there's a better word for the thing that I mean.. not sure. If there is, pretend that I mean that word instead.

    Kind of.. leading a person somewhere in a subversive way. Sometimes, being too direct is a turn-off--which may or may not itself be important. Especially if they're feeling heated or down, it can be useful.

    With those that I'm closest to, if I'm 'manipulative,' it's a way to lead them to a 'point.' Experiential learning, and all that. I treat it as a communication tactic, much like gesticulating or tone of voice, and it's often a last resort for me. Once I've made my point, I directly state the point out of respect.

    Sometimes, it's a huge flippin' joke. I kinda make fun of the whole 'manipulation' thing around the fiancee. I'll often spout some bullshit romantic line or other 'manipulative' technique, then immediately point out its ridiculousness, meaning, or intent. I can't help but do the latter, because stopping at the line itself feels like it's cheating both of us. Good times are had by all.

    She's also privy to many stories of my 'manipulations.'

    I wouldn't be forthright if I didn't mention that I've manipulated for my own personal gain and/or without cluing the other person in, though.

  4. #164
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    Hi *waves* Fellow ENFJ here. Just recently discovered my type and am so glad to have found a group of people who are similar! I am married to an ISTJ.

    Not much to say right now, but I wanted to say hello and that much of what has been said already here resonates with me.

  5. #165
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    ENFJS

    Give you that warm fuzzy special feeling, like you are someone. later, after this, you realize thats how they make everyone feel and you are just a part of the slopping heap of everyone.
    "I'm not in this world to live up to your expectations and you're not in this world to live up to mine. "
    -Bruce Lee

  6. #166
    girl with a pretty smile Honor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Glycerine View Post
    I must be a mean ENFJ then... all the other ENFJs seem so much nicer than me. I let people have it if they deserve it. But all the more, I do try to avoid people's feelings.
    I do too. When I'm angry and stressed. It's not good.

  7. #167
    Senior Member Littlelostnf's Avatar
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    I'm so late to this game but I have to say...well stated Domino. I agree with the above and know exactly what you mean.
    for my life is slowed up by thought and the need to understand what I am living.

  8. #168
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
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    My most interesting experience of issue as an ENFJ is our Stepford Syndrome.
    It's like when Fe decides to kick in and there's no shutdown button. On the inside, it feels like the people from the Black Hole Sun music vid, and very mechanically feely.
    I cringe every time unless I really give a damn.
    Hang on traveling woman - Don't sacrifice your plan
    Cause it will come back to you - Before you lose it on the man


    .:: DWTWD ::.

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    2011 TypeC Exercise Challenge - My Weekly Goals: Cardio 4x. Yoga/Pilates 1x. Pushups 70.

    There is this thing keeping everyone's lungs and lips locked - It is called fear and it's seeing a great renaissance

  9. #169
    Senior Member TopherRed's Avatar
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    I think I hate the isolation the most. There's not enough of us. It makes me depressed when I'm trying to warn people *oh look, a problem! It's going to be a problem! You can't tell? Can't you see the floor cracking!? No I'm not weird! Why the hell must you talk about sports?! ...Oh look...the group died.* Some consensus would be nice.
    Love is the point.

  10. #170
    across the universe Olm the Water King's Avatar
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    My mother is an ENFJ. She has excellent people skills and always tries to make people feel good about themselves. She has no problems getting along in social settings of all sorts, and people often go to her for advice, as well as appoint her to various leadership positions. Her "soft" influence makes her well liked.

    That being said, she occasionaly gets a bit harsh, especially when she's trying to get me out of my introspective "shell". She doesn't full understand the mind of an INFP.

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