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Thread: INFJ boyfriend door slammed, please help!

  1. #1
    Junior Member Array
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    Feb 2010

    Default INFJ boyfriend door slammed, please help!

    We've been together for 3 years. He promised me everything you could imagine. We talked about marriage and kids. We had normal arguments like couples do.
    I've always been a bit uncomfortable about his constant reminiscences of his ex. They were together shortly before us. But I trusted he loved me and just thought about her as a friend. He used to see her now and then and they were pretty touchy-feely.

    I know and she knows he wrote a love song for her back then 3 years ago. But he said when he plays it, he now thinks only about me and it doesn't mean the same. It's called after her name.

    One day we planed to go out at the bar where she works. I was ok with it, untill he said why don't her and I play that song together there. I kindly as i could confronted him if our night out was about her and you expected to see her and to do that strange idea as a musician, I was not going.

    He said something I didn't get, looked really mad, I've never saw him like that, and door slammed me and went there without me. He hasn't contacted me for 4 days. Before that there wasn't a day we haven't seen each other.

    Did he breakup with me? Above all things he promised we would remain friends if breakup happened. So this is a shock to me.
    Please help me what to do? Do you think he still has feelings for his ex? Was I a rebound? Was i cheated on?

    What kind of INFJ would do this? I'm incredibly hurt.
    Last edited by ntgirl; 07-31-2010 at 08:27 AM. Reason: ,

  2. #2


    Was it accumulation of things or did it all occur abruptly? I think INFJs tend to do things based on the broad scope of things rather than one incident like that or he might just need time to figure out how he feels about the whole situation (esp. if you guys see each other daily).

  3. #3
    Senior Member Array Moiety's Avatar
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    Aug 2008


    Stupid people getting into relationships before cutting ties with the past.

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pitseleh View Post
    Was it accumulation of things or did it all occur abruptly? I think INFJs tend to do things based on the broad scope of things rather than one incident
    Yes. But they can also be collecting this broad view for some time without no one noticing, and then comes the day when something very small can make them mad over everything they've been collecting.

    I have a feeling that he might still have feeling for the ex, but doesn't want to admit that (maybe even to himself) and then projects this idea so that she seems overly jealous from his point of view.

  5. #5
    Iron Maiden Array fidelia's Avatar
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    May 2009
    1w2 so/sx


    Nolla's not far off. I expect he just needs some time to think. He probably has a few residual feelings and feels guilty. He also probably just needs a bit of space to sort himself out. Hard to know too whether he is a healthy guy, good communicator or whether his way of dealing with problems is avoidance.

  6. #6
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    Feb 2010


    Thanks everyone for helping! I'm back with an update.
    I called him, he didn't wanna answers me! Then I texted him to call me.
    He said he ignored me for days because he though I was mad and didn't want to argue and he had enough. So we met. He said what he said about the song was a joke?! I didn't get it at all because he didn't look that way. He admitted it was a bad joke.

    He said he didn't have feelings for her anymore and got really defensive and irritated, he was not calm at all like me, he couldn't even look me in the eye. He hated discusing it as he felt he had to admit something that was not true. He thought I was insecure and didn't understand why it bothered me, and how couldn't I get over it. While I think he can't because he brings her up every now and then.
    I let him to decide whatever he wanted for him to be happy, breakup, friendship, whatever. He chose to stay.
    The only thing i would like to know now was he sincere, as much as I trust him. I would like to know your opinion about his reaction.

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