User Tag List

First 123 Last

Results 11 to 20 of 23

  1. #11
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    enfp
    Enneagram
    6w7 sp/sx
    Socionics
    IEE
    Posts
    6,747

    Default

    I think your parents are right. If you are very close to the people, they will eventually want to stay in touch. People get busy, and people have a lot of things going on. It's very difficult to keep in touch with every single friend and acquaintance. Just relax, let go, and hope for the best. You can't guess what goes through people's heads. You can only control your own reactions to what they do. I know this is much easier said than done.
    06/13 10:51:03 five sounds: you!!!
    06/13 10:51:08 shortnsweet: no you!!
    06/13 10:51:12 shortnsweet: go do your things and my things too!
    06/13 10:51:23 five sounds: oh hell naw
    06/13 10:51:55 shortnsweet: !!!!
    06/13 10:51:57 shortnsweet: (cries)
    06/13 10:52:19 RiftsWRX: You two are like furbies stuck in a shoe box

    My Nohari
    My Johari
    by sns.

  2. #12
    The Duchess of Oddity Queen Kat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    MBTI
    E.T.
    Enneagram
    7w8
    Posts
    3,116

    Default

    Well, I know that feeling. I used to get stressed because of it, but now I learned that if they don't want to be in touch with me it's their problem. You should better spend time with people who do respond.
    I was sitting outside the classroom waiting to go in, and I saw an airplane hit the tower. The TV was obviously on. I used to fly myself and I said, "There's one terrible pilot."
    - George W. Bush -


    SCUAI - 7w8 sx/sp - Chaotic Evil - Fucking Cute - ALIVE

    Blog. Read it, bitches.
    Questions? Click here
    If you don't agree about my MBTI type, you can complain about it here. I've had plenty of people telling me I'm something else, in my reputation box. That's annoying.

  3. #13
    Senior Member Survive & Stay Free's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    MBTI
    ESTJ
    Enneagram
    9 so/sx
    Posts
    21,675

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Saint Kat View Post
    Well, I know that feeling. I used to get stressed because of it, but now I learned that if they don't want to be in touch with me it's their problem. You should better spend time with people who do respond.
    +1 FTW totally.

  4. #14
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Enneagram
    4 so/sp
    Posts
    6,932

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Life sort of happened, I had a number of experiences where I was on the OTHER end (i.e., someone expected me to respond but I just couldn't keep up with them for valid reasons and they took it personally despite my having a positive view of them);

    and I also grew to have more confidence in who I was so I did not necessarily need their affirmation and could ride anxiety like this out;

    and, finally, I just realized that relationships grow, hold steady, then ebb, and sometimes I will just grow away from someone or them from me and it's nothing personal at all, it is just the way life is. So I shouldn't take it as a personal slam or that something is wrong with me. In fact, sometimes people will even make mistakes and not get back to me when they should; but then, again, I can accept they're not perfect, and if I want them to respond maybe I need to tell them, and otherwise I can forgive them and move on.

    It certainly is not easy. Don't beat yourself up over it. It will take some time for you to adjust how you perceive things
    .
    I think I've very much come to this look of it over the years, through experience as well as simply learning to depersonalize and recognize that everyone's different, and in many cases for me to expect people to respond in the same manner and timeliness can be unfair.

    The bit about relationships ebbing and flowing, and sometimes fizzling away and ending, is very true...something I've learned. And I agree it's not necessarily a personal thing at all - it's just the nature of people and the complexities of their personalities and lives, as well as one or the other or both morphing apart from one another over time, possibly. It's not really an easy thing to accept, sometimes, but when I remind myself it's not always the other person changing or walking away from me, or learning something about themselves such that the relationship isn't what they're desirous of anymore, but me doing the same thing in some instances... well, it is life, and the nature of most relationships is such that they'll have an end date at some point. We can only hope, and be thankful for, those few that survive through the decades, and can perhaps be lifelong ones; but, I think those are rare. To be cherished, certainly, but rare. Lives change, people change, priorities change... and sometimes people might ebb away for a while and then come back to you. You never know, sometimes. I think it's hard, especially, for those who are more closure-and-control oriented (Me! ), to be able to let go of these things and let them run of their own accord, and to accept that you can only do so much and ultimately it takes TWO to form a relationship (which is hard if you realize the other person in fact does not prioritize the relationship in the same manner in which you do), but if you do let go, and they don't pursue you in the manner you desire, then you have learned something, yes? And, while unpleasant, it then might allow for you to form new friendships and seek out those who will prioritize and value you in the way in which you desire and seek.




    Re. Facebook-specific type messaging: I've learned some people just totally suck at responding to emails, and/or have so many things going on in their lives that they simply forget to respond. Plain and simple. It's nothing personal in most cases.
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

    My Photography and Watercolor Fine Art Prints!!! Cascade Colors Fine Art Prints
    https://docs.google.com/uc?export=do...Gd5N3NZZE52QjQ

  5. #15
    i love skylights's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 so/sx
    Socionics
    EII Ne
    Posts
    7,835

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Lark View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Saint Kat View Post
    Well, I know that feeling. I used to get stressed because of it, but now I learned that if they don't want to be in touch with me it's their problem. You should better spend time with people who do respond.
    +1 FTW totally.
    +2

    and if you decide to contact me, awesome, let's hang out, but please don't assume you're going to retain the same level of priority as those who do stay in touch.

  6. #16
    Member BMEF's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Posts
    50

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by angelhair45 View Post
    I wish I could give you some advice, but I'm still learning how to deal with it myself.

    When I was younger it never occurred to me that relationships were not as important to other people as they were to me. People/relationships are something I value greatly, but not everyone does. Many people value their jobs, interests, ideal more than they value people and relationships. Therefore I cannot expect them to feel about me the way I may feel about them. Yes it sucks, but once I realized this it helped me not to take it personally. "It's not me, it's them" kind of thing.


    Not really much help, but you aren't alone.
    It's a relief to know that I'm not the only one that feels this way! I personally get pi##ed when other people value their jobs and interests more than they value people and relationships. But, then again, I concur with the "it's not me, it's them" kind of thing.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sky is BLUE! View Post
    I think your parents are right about the summer holiday and these people will get back to you later on.

    I can definitely understand where you're coming from, though. It does hurt and makes you wonder, I tend to take it very personally and it shakes my confidence quite a bit, it's difficult not to see it as a personal rejection. Unfortunately I haven't quite learned to let go of that just yet myself, so I struggle with it occasionally and I usually avoid initiating contact.

    But you also have to accept that people lead their own lives and if they don't respond to you quickly it might not have anything to do with you personally. Sometimes people just need more time or they simply forget without having anything against you.

    This might not be that easy to do at first but try to let go of the expectations when you do send people messages. You've done all that you could have done, you've contacted them and showed them that you care for them, which was probably your intention in the first place. This is your way or showing that people matter to you. If it comes back to you, then that's great, but if it doesn't come back in the same form, that's alright as well. Taking it personally is only going to hurt you, so letting go of that is just something you have to learn to do.
    True! So true! I appreciate your honesty, hearing your personal experience, and your advice!

    Quote Originally Posted by gromit View Post
    I know I often want to write a thoughtful/good response to the person, particularly if I haven't seen them in awhile, so then I put it off until I have 'more time' which sometimes never happens, so then I end up forgetting about it.
    Now, that's an eye-opening response to me! Coincidentally, that's one of the excuses that my parents told me about people that don't reply back.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sparrow View Post
    I'm sure your friends and old teachers don't hate you!
    Thank you! It's very soothing to hear someone say that.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lark View Post
    I mean you dont have any control over other people you can only control yourself and your thinking and feeling.


    Try and not get too distressed by it, there's an irony in that nothing will be more injurious to a relationship than actually trying to hard to make it work or improve on it, the same goes for popularity, OK you can make or get yourself popular with work but if its obvious it wont work, people will say you're trying too hard. I tend to think that things like Face Book can totally stoke insecurities and anxieties.
    For me, it's always been hard to accept that some people aren't perfect and that I can't control or ultimately perceive the way they feel or think. Mutual understanding on both ends of a relationship are essential, I think.. For instance, I know a dear friend that blocked a huge portion of his profile from my account after he moved to live at another area. Outraged by his actions, I emailed him a letter saying how depressed I felt that he has blocked me. Two weeks later, I caught him online on Facebook chat and he immediately replied back to my message by saying that he's new to Facebook; therefore, he accidentally blocked me because he was playing with the settings and he doesn't check his inbox too often. I guess "misunderstandings" always happen.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    I would guess you are probably reading too much personal rejection into it, if you have to state it in such a way. Most of the time when people don't respond to our interactions, I have found it is because they are busy with life, or going through their own "junk," or have a lot of other relationships to maintain and the one with me is lesser priority (which can actually be "valid" and not a personal diss of me), or they aren't even realizing that even a small cue back would be a BIG deal to me and that I might take it as a personal rejection, etc.

    But let me also say that I know it is difficult to deal with. I had a really hard time with such things too -- because I felt like they were breaking the rules of engagement that I tried so hard to follow (and thus their refusal to respond meant they didn't want to talk to me), and because I just had a weak self-image where I thought it would be common for people to want to reject me. It was pretty devastasting sometimes.


    It certainly is not easy. Don't beat yourself up over it. It will take some time for you to adjust how you perceive things.
    Ditto! Very well-written. It's hard to accept that fact that not all people perceive things the way I do and that what might seem like a BIG deal to me, would seem like nothing to them.

    Quote Originally Posted by shortnsweet View Post
    I think your parents are right. If you are very close to the people, they will eventually want to stay in touch. People get busy, and people have a lot of things going on. It's very difficult to keep in touch with every single friend and acquaintance. Just relax, let go, and hope for the best. You can't guess what goes through people's heads. You can only control your own reactions to what they do. I know this is much easier said than done.
    Sweet! Hoping for the best will cause no damage.. Thanks for your optimistic advice!

    Quote Originally Posted by Saint Kat View Post
    Well, I know that feeling. I used to get stressed because of it, but now I learned that if they don't want to be in touch with me it's their problem. You should better spend time with people who do respond.
    That's what I'm considering to do in the future if this internal struggle will continue to haunt me.

    Quote Originally Posted by cascadeco View Post

    Re. Facebook-specific type messaging: I've learned some people just totally suck at responding to emails, and/or have so many things going on in their lives that they simply forget to respond. Plain and simple. It's nothing personal in most cases.
    One of my pet-peeves is when you write a long-email to a friend, and then all that you get back from them is a retort or a "I'm good, how about you?". It makes you feel that your efforts of spicing up the conversation are shot down.

  7. #17
    Senior Member Sparrow's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Posts
    2,532

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by BMEF View Post
    One of my pet-peeves is when you write a long-email to a friend, and then all that you get back from them is a retort or a "I'm good, how about you?". It makes you feel that your efforts of spicing up the conversation are shot down.
    Totally, it is annoying! I have come to realize that some people just arent email or phone people. Everyone has their preference I guess
    Fe | Ni | Se | Ti ... 3w4 ... Lawful Neutral ... Johari -Nohari

  8. #18
    Senior Member angelhair45's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    7w6
    Socionics
    ENFp
    Posts
    312

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Sparrow View Post
    Totally, it is annoying! I have come to realize that some people just arent email or phone people. Everyone has their preference I guess
    I've had it happen to myself many times. It is hard not feel rejected when you put your heart into a correspondence and they return with one or two shallow sentences.

    I know for myself I am best in person. I relate to people better and enjoy other people more in person. I do well by email, but it's also easy to put people off that way. The phone is weird for me sometimes I can be very impersonal on the phone and other times I'm just like myself. I think it depends on if I feel imposed on with the phone call.
    http://bohemianextrovert.wordpress.com/
    Please excuse the long drawn out ramble above.
    I have to hear what I've said before I know what I think.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------

  9. #19
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    FREE
    Enneagram
    594 sx/sp
    Socionics
    LII Ne
    Posts
    42,333

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by angelhair45 View Post
    I've had it happen to myself many times. It is hard not feel rejected when you put your heart into a correspondence and they return with one or two shallow sentences.
    Yup.

    I remember being devasted at times when that happened. Eventually I just realized I had to just expect whatever someone was willing (or able) to give, and not invest so much in people who weren't willing to invest back in the ways I needed. It's okay to set personal boundaries like that.

    I know for myself I am best in person. I relate to people better and enjoy other people more in person. I do well by email, but it's also easy to put people off that way. The phone is weird for me sometimes I can be very impersonal on the phone and other times I'm just like myself. I think it depends on if I feel imposed on with the phone call.
    I'm not as fond of phone / in the moment communication as I am with e-mail either. The phone issue is EXACTLY that -- I can control the communication with an e-mail, responding when I have energy and time. The phone is very invasive to me; even when I have good time talking to someone, afterward I feel very drained and sometimes even a little resentful if I felt like I had to take the call.

    ("Caller ID" has helped a great deal, though; I'll screen calls nowadays.)
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  10. #20
    Senior Member angelhair45's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    7w6
    Socionics
    ENFp
    Posts
    312

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Yup.

    I remember being devasted at times when that happened. Eventually I just realized I had to just expect whatever someone was willing (or able) to give, and not invest so much in people who weren't willing to invest back in the ways I needed. It's okay to set personal boundaries like that.



    I'm not as fond of phone / in the moment communication as I am with e-mail either. The phone issue is EXACTLY that -- I can control the communication with an e-mail, responding when I have energy and time. The phone is very invasive to me; even when I have good time talking to someone, afterward I feel very drained and sometimes even a little resentful if I felt like I had to take the call.

    ("Caller ID" has helped a great deal, though; I'll screen calls nowadays.)
    I feel that way. It's so invasive, and I will feel drained, like I was being held hostage against my will. I screen calls because of it too.
    http://bohemianextrovert.wordpress.com/
    Please excuse the long drawn out ramble above.
    I have to hear what I've said before I know what I think.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Similar Threads

  1. [INTP] INTPs and Staying in touch
    By Forever_Jung in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 04-13-2014, 10:11 AM
  2. [INTP] what's the point of staying in touch with a family you dislike?
    By think2much in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: 08-25-2012, 07:45 PM
  3. Being in touch with our own mortality
    By JAVO in forum General Psychology
    Replies: 32
    Last Post: 06-18-2008, 11:27 PM
  4. Rant about how "hard" your work situation is
    By ygolo in forum The Fluff Zone
    Replies: 46
    Last Post: 09-24-2007, 02:26 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO