ENFJ's (and INFJ's?),
Here's the situation. I briefly dated an ENFJ (for about 1 month or 6 weeks) something like 2 years ago. I basically just ended it because I started to feel a little bit boxed in way too early in the dating relationship. Seeing that I couldn't live with that long-term, I ended it before things could get "mushy". No sex was involved. It was a very innocent dating period. All in all, we had a pretty good time and there was a mutual respect there.
She has a daughter (who I enjoyed very much) and I think the fact that I was good to her daughter played a role in her developing feelings for me. She told me about a year later that I really hurt her by leaving "somewhat unnanounced". I didn't provide much explanation. I just said something like, "I don't think we're right for each other. I have a lot of respect for you as a person and love your company, but it's just not going to work. And since it's still early and feelings aren't deeply involved yet, now is a good time to end it." I didn't give much more than that. But, we remained friends. And over time, we became VERY GOOD friends. She has become one of my best friends. Strictly as friends, we share a very special bond and there's always been this vibe between us that we'll probably remain really good friends for life.
Well, just recently she started flirting on the phone a lot. Like feelings were resurfacing after all this time. She would call me to talk about a guy she was dating and the ways that it wasn't going right. I would listen, offer honest advice, and that's it. Sometimes she would say something like, "So, what's your situation? What's going on with you?" I would just deflect the question or answer with, "Not much. I'm content right now." After not talking for some time (maybe she felt rejected?), she then calls and kind of rants to me that "some people (I'm pretty sure it's me) like to flirt and lead people on but they don't act on it. And some people only call her when they need something from her, but never to see how she's doing." So, yeah, I get the point - she was talking about me. I don't like the drama, I'm not into her like that, so true to an INTP (whether right or wrong), I just detach for like 2 months. I figure it keeps things drama free for me and it gives her time to cool down and realize that I never flirted with her. It just didn't happen.
Fast forward to now: 9 times out of 10 she won't answer my calls. If she does answer my call, she will immediately just give me a 15 minute dialogue on what's going on in her life and then say, "Hey, I gotta go. Call me another time." It's become blatantly obvious after numerous efforts to contact her that she has either (a) doorslammed me, or (b) is "giving me a taste of my own medicine"/teaching me a lesson via some emotional payback.
What's my best approach if I want to reconnect with her on good terms? What I really want to do is offer her a job, but she won't even give me the time of day. She may not want the job, but it could potentially be a great opportunity for her and she'd be GREAT at the job itself. Should I text her and say something like, "OK, I learned my lesson. I was selfish. Now stop playing around and call me!" Or, should I just consider myself doorslammed and move on? Any other thoughts?