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[INFP] Common INFP Issues

Scott N Denver

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Scott N Denver, brilliant computer scientist, enneagram 4 infp:

enfps, great people, operate on a different wavelength, another animal altogether, and as such, there's no real need to base your growth/potential on patterns that will not jive with your latest series of phases.

2) Don't assume intps disregard others simply because they don't act as you'd expect them or blatantly forget semicolons. whether e1, 4, 5, 6 or 9, give em a chance. a few of my so/sp e56 frirnds let the years slip away, no doubt, but can expressing surprising depth of concern. Often there's a grabbag of phone salespeople at target if you need a sampling and if you're lucky you'll run into a socionics ni-subtype whose speech doesn't zip you up around the neck.

Do what you like, Scott N Denver. Take notes. Spend time with the crows and me. Take an active part in your community. Live where you're happy. Feel the wind beneath your outstretched wings.

your post confuses me. I am not a computer scientist. I never have been. I never want to be. I have programmed computers before, and quite frankly I did not find it enjoyable or something that I wished to keep doing. I do like math though.

Perhaps I was not adequately clear before, I am not some sort of "tortured" INFP going "oh woe is me!"

I have known a number of ENFP's, and quite frankly I see INFP's and ENFP's as being VERY similar, but maybe I'm just attracted to ENFP's that have very well developed Fi?

I've known many INTP's in my time, and many of them were quite open and frank about their general lack of regard for time, their "very low" desire for social interaction, their obliviousness to other people and how their are doing, etc.

Again, I am not some depressed "woe is me and my horrible life" INFP. I was, however, trying to offer encouragement and suggestions to INFP's who might see themselves that way.
 

Salomé

meh
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I think the hardest thing about being an INFP is the paralyzing emotional intensity.
I don't think any other type allows himself to feel as much pain or hurt, loss or loneliness as an INFP does. An INFP can see life as it should be, not just for himself, but for everyone. He dreams of a perfect world and every encounter with reality is like having a dull knife stabbed in him and slowly twisted.

Nobody suffers like I do
Nobody else, oh no
Nobody suffers like I do
Nobody else but you
 
Joined
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your post confuses me. I am not a computer scientist. I never have been. I never want to be. I have programmed computers before, and quite frankly I did not find it enjoyable or something that I wished to keep doing. I do like math though.

Perhaps I was not adequately clear before, I am not some sort of "tortured" INFP going "oh woe is me!"

I have known a number of ENFP's, and quite frankly I see INFP's and ENFP's as being VERY similar, but maybe I'm just attracted to ENFP's that have very well developed Fi?

I've known many INTP's in my time, and many of them were quite open and frank about their general lack of regard for time, their "very low" desire for social interaction, their obliviousness to other people and how their are doing, etc.

Again, I am not some depressed "woe is me and my horrible life" INFP. I was, however, trying to offer encouragement and suggestions to INFP's who might see themselves that way.

I don't address each and every cliche-ridden post on typec so when I quote, it isn't with any intent of carrying out a constructive exchange, but more like, "I'm capable of randomly clicking on this button that happens to say 'reply with quote.'" Are you a student of linguistics, Scott N Denver?
 
Joined
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so/sp
I don't address each and every cliche-ridden post on typec so when I quote, it isn't with any intent of carrying out a constructive exchange, but more like, "I'm capable of randomly clicking on this button that happens to say 'reply with quote.'" Are you a student of linguistics, Scott N Denver?

Scott N Denver, I'd like to know how you distinguish one day from the next. Bernays ever? Mitsubishi cars or tvs? Why does the lower middle class white man buy a german for dummies textbook in america. Know how to fillet a fish? How young will you be in 25 years?
 

GranChi

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Mar 18, 2013
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Yeah, I get lonely sometimes. I have a tendency to miss people who I never even knew that well in the first place. Is that a common INFP thing?
 

Velvet_Rose

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I usually express love through physical contact like a hug occasionally, but this is only if I really love this person (being not quite an adult my teddy bears usually get the brunt of this, though I like to hug my parents. I haven't really had any boyfriends, so I couldn't say anything about romantic love.) The most common way I express love is through secret favors. Like I'll wash my sister's dishes or wash all the towels or clean my younger sister's side of the room or do the dirty job that no one wants to do. I like to do these because I like to see loved ones happily surprised. Another way I express love is by saying nothing. Specifically, if one of my sisters is really getting on my nerves by humming the same annoying tune over and over, I'll look the other way because I love them and I don't want to fight over something useless. I'm not sure if this is universal of all INFPs, it's just what I usually do.
 

Velvet_Rose

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I do this too. I never was close to my ESTJ older sister, but after she left from a visit I realized that I really did miss her. Also, I think almost daily of a little girl who died when I was in middle school (not obsessively, I just get reminded of her.) I didn't know her very well, in fact I think I was inclined to not like her, but I miss her because I think that if I had tried harder we could have been better friends than most of my current friends are with me. I miss a lot of people I didn't know well from when I moved, but I think it's more me missing the possibility of what could have been. It does sound like a thing INFPs would do. :)
 

GranChi

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Aw, I'm sorry to hear about that. :( Yeah, missing the possibility of what could have been sounds right for me.
By the way, I think I've seen you around on threads I've commented on, and we're both INFPs. So hey, nice to meet you. :bye:
 

Spiritual Science

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I'm jumping in on this thread on the last page, so this has probably already been discussed. But my two cents:

I'd have to agree with being hypersensitive. I often don't want to show anyone a song I've been working on or a photo I took for fear they won't be that excited about it, say nothing, or even criticize it. I hate criticism. I think this may be because we as INFPs are already so hard on ourselves and already aware of the imperfections--even if on a subconscious level--that hearing criticism (even constructive) is like a knife through our skin. I've made a conscious effort to not be so sensitive and to have a thicker skin. I am so damn sensitive that if, for example, a car speeds impatiently by me in a parking lot or whatever, I get mad and take it personally.

A couple other things that I am struggling with are attention to details and being easily annoyed. I've worked as a cook and I've studied as a science student (labs and such), both with piercingly annoying attention to BS. Add this necessary attention to detail with being surrounded by TJ types (in science class), who are often control freaks at the tiniest level, and I'm about ready to lose my mind. The end of the semester is near, and I guess it's been a lesson in what I really like (or don't like). I got my first degree in English, and definitely enjoyed it more than Biology, although I am fascinated by broad level science.

I think career choice is another extremely difficult issue for INFPs. As we are so idealistic, pretty much everything in the modern world is in opposition to our ideals. For me, I am so damn afraid of being stuck in a dead end job with no creative outlet. I think maybe that confidence may be an issue for some INFPs. It definitely is for me. I have a couple creative talents, but seem to lack the courage to dedicate myself to them. I don't know if this goes back to being too hard on myself as an INFP. I think many INFPs tend to get discouraged easily. At least I know I do.

I hope someone can relate to this semi-rant.

All the best,
Joe
 

GreatBigCranberries

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Before I read (most) of this thread, I was convinced I was an INTP. That's the result I always get from personality tests, that's what my family and friends think I am, but someone on this site suggested I might be an INFP. And I relate more wholeheartedly to the stuff shared on this thread than I ever have to the discussions amongst INTPs. It's really true, I'm an INFP, and I am disgusted by myself.

I hate how sensitive I am to criticism. I hate how I take everything personally. I hate how easily I cry. I hate how I make decision based on emotions. I hate how I can't let things go. I hate how focused I am on myself. I hate all this self-pity. I want to step outside my body grab myself by the shoulders and yell "Grow a backbone! Get over it already!" (even though I would totally make myself cry). I want to see things clearly and all these emotions are in the way. I don't trust them, but I base everything on them. Consequently I can't trust a single decision I make, because I'm never objective.
 
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cleverest

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I'm probably not the best person to address this issue, but :

  • Fi values internal consonance and harmony. When that can't be reached, we tend to turn inwards to address the problem. Sometimes this can lead to the "Fi Si loop", where we go over the same problem repeatedly without getting any closer to a resolution. (I think this is particularly common for enneagram 4 INFPs, who tend to value the emotional intensity involved in the looping for its own sake.)
  • Fi processes things partially unconsciously (I think Jung described it as the function closest to the unconscious). I find that I do better if I let things "percolate" in the background, rather than trying to immediately attack a problem full-force consciously. Low level distraction sometimes helps the percolation process.
  • Like most introverts, we tend to withdraw when overwhelmed. When we are experiencing internal emotional conflict, there can be more going on internally than is easy to process.

I do think, compared to INFJs, we are a bit more aware of our own emotions as they happen (though less aware of group dynamics), but that doesn't make us any better at processing those emotions with others. We, too, tend to want to retreat and process.

I also think the Ni of INFJs makes them a bit more flexible on shifting their perspective when considering solutions. Fi + Ne tend to work with Fi "nailing down" feeling valuations, and then Ne showing farther possibilities from that stabilized platform. When one of our central values is threatened, it's not easy for us to entertain a conflicting perspective without experiencing distress.

Note that outside of their important values, INFPs tend to be very flexible about understanding the perspective of others. It's just on things that are deemed "important" that the rigidity kicks in.

So, I think checking in is probably about the most interaction we want in that state. Even if we are flailing around at that point, we usually are not receptive to advice (to make an understatement). Just being there and showing support can be very helpful.

Anyway, I'm just one INFP, so hope others will chime in (even to disagree).

[Update: What Biaxident and runvardh said about "just being there." :yes:]

This is perfect...I couldn't agree with this more!
 

Ivy

Strongly Ambivalent
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Before I read (most) of this thread, I was convinced I was an INTP. That's the result I always get from personality tests, that's what my family and friends think I am, but someone on this site suggested I might be an INFP. And I relate more wholeheartedly to the stuff shared on this thread than I ever have to the discussions amongst INTPs. It's really true, I'm an INFP, and I am disgusted by myself.

I hate how sensitive I am to criticism. I hate how I take everything personally. I hate how easily I cry. I hate how I make decision based on emotions. I hate how I can't let things go. I hate how focused I am on myself. I hate all this self-pity. I want to step outside my body grab myself by the shoulders and yell "Grow a backbone! Get over it already!" (even though I would totally make myself cry). I want to see things clearly and all these emotions are in the way. I don't trust them, but I base everything on them. Consequently I can't trust a single decision I make, because I'm never objective.

Let's cry together. It'll be okay, unless it isn't. {{{{INFP to INFP self-loathing hugs}}}}
 

Doctor Cringelord

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this pretty much sums up my experience with people
 

Lady_X

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Before I read (most) of this thread, I was convinced I was an INTP. That's the result I always get from personality tests, that's what my family and friends think I am, but someone on this site suggested I might be an INFP. And I relate more wholeheartedly to the stuff shared on this thread than I ever have to the discussions amongst INTPs. It's really true, I'm an INFP, and I am disgusted by myself.

I hate how sensitive I am to criticism. I hate how I take everything personally. I hate how easily I cry. I hate how I make decision based on emotions. I hate how I can't let things go. I hate how focused I am on myself. I hate all this self-pity. I want to step outside my body grab myself by the shoulders and yell "Grow a backbone! Get over it already!" (even though I would totally make myself cry). I want to see things clearly and all these emotions are in the way. I don't trust them, but I base everything on them. Consequently I can't trust a single decision I make, because I'm never objective.

Great example of why I adore infps. Not the mindset demonstrated here because that part makes me sad but its in the rawness. The strength in vulnerability. Not very many are willing to do that so easily.
 

pinkgraffiti

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this pretty much sums up my experience with people

how do you do that last thing? by understanding that it's not your fault? (this should be my development path, but i'm not there yet)

(also, good to see you've decided to stick around. but please remove that line on your avatar...you are wanted, deal with it :) )
 

Doctor Cringelord

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how do you do that last thing? by understanding that it's not your fault? (this should be my development path, but i'm not there yet)

(also, good to see you've decided to stick around. but please remove that line on your avatar...you are wanted, deal with it :) )

easier said than done. it isn't always possible. if it's a random stranger or a coworker i don't care about too much, than i find it much easier to get over it, but if it's someone i value (close friend, family), it can still be quite difficult and it usually stays with me for days.

oops forgot the line under my avatar...
 

xenaprincess

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I think you start taking things less personally with experience.

The more often you encounter issues or problems, the less painful it becomes. And the more you share with people around you, the more you understand how common issues are. I used to take everything to heart. Now, much, much less so. My feelings have callouses.
 
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chubber

failed poetry slam career
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You want to become INTJ I see :puppy_dog_eyes:
 
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