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[INFP] Common INFP Issues

pinkgraffiti

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Mar 20, 2011
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sx/so
wow this was so sweet, beginning to end.
INFPs you can come to me, I understand you! You're seriously the most special MBTI type, is there an INFP fan club I can sign up for? And can I take one of you home? :(

I have a hard time being around people, even ones I know and love. In turn I flake out on people, coming up with bullshit excuses as to why I couldn't make it.
"why didn't you show up at the bar?"
"I have sweaty boot rash"
you know dumb shit like that.
Relationships seemed like a unachievable goal set forth from god. I am still amazed that I had one for 2 years (although we never did have off together so that probably why).
In a nutshell, people complicate things for me.
 

Inverness

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Jul 14, 2011
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99
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INFJ
wow this was so sweet, beginning to end.
INFPs you can come to me, I understand you! You're seriously the most special MBTI type, is there an INFP fan club I can sign up for? And can I take one of you home? :(

INFPs are my favourites, ya'll are awesome. I second the idea of a fan club :D
 

BRMC117

is an ambi-turner
Joined
Jan 21, 2010
Messages
781
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INFP
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3w2
YOU CAN NEVER FEEL THE PAIN I FEEL! YOU COULD NEVER UNDERSTAND ME! *runs away sobbing to go sit alone*
 

Turtledove

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sp/sx
[MENTION=6466]nebbykoo[/MENTION] Do you need a Prozac? :D
 

Stanton Moore

morose bourgeoisie
Joined
Mar 4, 2009
Messages
3,900
MBTI Type
INFP
[MENTION=6466]nebbykoo[/MENTION] Do you need a Prozac? :D

LOL, no thanx. It's just that most things that are said about infps, even by themselves, are pretty critical and often full of disdain. Too much Fi, too little Ti, too much emotion, why can't you all just [INSERT SCATHING CRITICISM HERE], rainbows and unicorns, male infps are pussies (to paraphrase), etc, etc.
We are the whipping boys of typology, that's for sure. It just gets old to be considered less-than by so many. I already do that to myself constantly so it's not exactly a revelation to know that others think I'm pathetic.
 
Last edited:

Turtledove

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LOL, no thanx. It's just that most things that are said about infps, even by themselves, are pretty critical and often full of disdain. Too much Fi, too little Ti, too much emotion, why can't you all just [INSERT SCATHING CRITICISM HERE], rainbows and unicorns, male infps are pussies (to paraphrase), etc, etc.
We are the whipping boys of typology, that's for sure. It just gets old to be considered less-than by so many. I already do that to myself constantly so it's not exactly a revelation to know that others think you are pathetic.
I think we INFPs are too hard on ourselves. GUILTY! Methinks it's the fact we are constantly bombarded with criticism from ourselves and from others (who may or may not meant to do that,) especially as kids. But that's extremely unhealthy when we just shut everyone off or don't try to speak up for ourselves :insert hypocrite here: But be happy that some of the other MBTI NT/NF types seem to take an interest in us. ^///^
 

Adasta

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Oct 20, 2010
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393
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4w5
About indecision: what is the best way for INFPs to make huge life decisions? (Any regret-proof way?)

It's something I'm trying to understand, as I never, ever experience regret. I think things through and I accept whatever comes with the decision. I might have made mistakes and bad choices in the past, but they are what make me who I am now, so I never, ever regret any of them. Guilt, yes, a lot, but never regret.

You would do well to look at INFPs as moths that circle a flame that
are then burnt by it. We are forever questing for that which is
perfect within our own sphere of reference. Yet, like a hazy dream,
the details of which are forgotten in the act of remembering, the
realisation of an idealistic "dream" can actually let us down; it is
never quite the same.

I think you could see how regrets could form from this process. There
is also a great desire for us (perhaps 4w5s?) to make others know what
we know. It might be more accurate to say that we want to make others
feel what we feel.The "bad choices" that we make are upsetting
because they are less than perfect; moreover, they represent occasions
in which we feel we may not have expressed ourselves adequately.
Sometimes words seem so inadequate that I end up saying nothing, yet
feeling everything. Looking back on such moments, one sort of wishes
that all that was felt was spoken so that all that was spoken was
known. In the end, we sit there feeling everything and saying nothing
because the words do not support the weight of emotion.

Imagine painting a portrait and then hiding it. You don't want to show
it because it might be ridiculed. It could be brilliant - but
what if it's not? What if it's less than amazing, and people notice
that? What would it be to have the feeling of disappointment? But what
is it to live in not knowing? Within this liminality lies the untaken
opportunity (thwarted Ne), and therein lies the regret.

For INFPs, I think it has to do with Ne and seeing endless
possibilities and outcomes for each decision you make. It hurts me to
see you struggling with regret and beating yourself up over something
done or not done in the past. Is there any way I can help? Talking
through the options just doesn't seem to work that well.

You're spot on with your analysis.

As an INFJ, your method of helping would be best expressed in
reminding us of how to do things that would make us feel better. INFJs
are good at making others feel good, so perhaps remind us that things
we do (or have done) also make people feel good. It is important for
INFPs to hear that we are not bad people.

Remember that INFPs have Aux Ne which we blot out when in a Fi-Si
loop. This means that we need constant reminders that opportunities
in the future may be positive
. INFP 4s have difficulty in
seperating themselves from thier prevailing emotions. If the emotion
is one of sadness, realise that Ne is not operating at present and
therefore is not allowing us to see an emotional outcome other than
that which we are presently feeling. We might say "I hate the way I
feel right now" yet provide no other alternatives that may end this
feeling; we are not simply not capable since Ne is not functioning
properly. This is often the cause of rifts with SJs who don't
undestand why we don't just get on with it, or with NTs who think
"Your emotions are clearly a negative influence. Simply cauterise your
wounds and engage your brain."

Also, if you're clearly avoiding making a decision (and instead
indulging in fantasy, sweets, video games, etc) and time is pressing,
should I give you a little nudge?

Yes, but be gentle!

Frank and honest conversation would be good here. Something like "I
know you're upset and you need time to yourself, but you can't go on
like this forever. I'm going to come back in a few days and take you
out to [place INFP likes]/we're going to go to the library and hang
out." Make sure your tone of voice is one of consolation. Any
suggestion that my feelings are in any way bad/wrong/uncalled
for/foolish will be met with hostility. If I am upset it is for a good
reason.

I am an INFP 4w5, therefore my desire is to be unique and authentic.
Saying things like "this happens to everyone" isn't useful to me
because I would think "Yes, but everyone is not me." Better in
these circumstances to focus on the specifics of the problem and show
you understand how/why the INFP is upset. This is very soothing. As an
INFJ, you will probably relate to the notion of "the harshness of the
world", so show you understand this aspect of life. It's very
useful for you to remind us of positive things in the past that you
believe we may have missed
. INFJs seem to take detailed notes in
their minds about how situations and events play out. It's good for us
to hear things like "Don't you know she really liked you?" or "Don't
you realise your prescence had this effect?" Bizarrely, even though we
want to experience idealised moments, most of the time we are walking
around daydreaming about such things; we are terrible and being in the
here and now. INFJs are watching from the shadows (I can see you!)
silently logging how everyone interacts with one another.
 

William K

Uniqueorn
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wow this was so sweet, beginning to end.
INFPs you can come to me, I understand you! You're seriously the most special MBTI type, is there an INFP fan club I can sign up for? And can I take one of you home? :(

To become a member of the INFP fan club, you have to gush in one of these 2 threads :D
http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/nf-idyllic/15451-infp-appreciation-thread.html
http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/nf-idyllic/46435-infp-beyond-appreciation-thread.html
 

OrangeAppled

Sugar Hiccup
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Mar 20, 2009
Messages
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sp/sx
You would do well to look at INFPs as moths that circle a flame that
are then burnt by it. We are forever questing for that which is
perfect within our own sphere of reference. Yet, like a hazy dream,
the details of which are forgotten in the act of remembering, the
realisation of an idealistic "dream" can actually let us down; it is
never quite the same.

I'm just quoting this because it's so true.... :D
 

Rim

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Oct 25, 2011
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sp/sx
:cry: I can't get stuff done!!!!!!!!!!

It aggravates me to the sky and back! I'm disorganized, have irregular sleeping schedule....and forget stuff, something will catch my attention and I will forget what I was supposed to be doing...I don't follow through and get bored way too fast...

T_T why can't I come up with enough perseverance!!!!??? The only hing I'm persistent in are stuff that I enjoy...and none of that is really productive and useful!

:ranting:

:( I also neglect people...sometimes I don't talk with them for weeks. Sometimes I just fade away.....this part also sucks bigtime.
 

BRMC117

is an ambi-turner
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Jan 21, 2010
Messages
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INFP
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3w2
:cry: I can't get stuff done!!!!!!!!!!

It aggravates me to the sky and back! I'm disorganized, have irregular sleeping schedule....and forget stuff, something will catch my attention and I will forget what I was supposed to be doing...I don't follow through and get bored way too fast...

T_T why can't I come up with enough perseverance!!!!??? The only hing I'm persistent in are stuff that I enjoy...and none of that is really productive and useful!

:ranting:

:( I also neglect people...sometimes I don't talk with them for weeks. Sometimes I just fade away.....this part also sucks bigtime.


Ditto_Pokemon.gif
 

EJCC

The Devil of TypoC
Joined
Aug 29, 2008
Messages
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sp/so
One issue I have noticed with the INFPs in my life (as well as an INFJ with P tendencies), is that they tend to either force responsibility on people, or unnecessarily ask a lot of people, without offering anything in return, and then backing out of it afterwards. In other words, seeming to be simultaneously flaky and demanding -- as well as, if you're a cranky SJ, implying disrespect, even if the INFP doesn't mean it.

I'm not presuming this about all INFPs, since I have so few in my life and they are in the same demographic (female college students), and it may have to do with immaturity.

An example: Last Monday, an ISTJ friend of mine texted a bunch of her friends (including an INFP) to say that she was going to take time out of her obscenely busy schedule to make the long walk to the nearest grocery store, and to see if anyone who needed to get groceries wanted to come with her. The INFP said she was busy then and asked (earnestly and pitiably) if the ISTJ would wait until Thursday to go. The ISTJ said yes, made new time in her schedule for Thursday, only for the INFP to back out the day of (very apologetically), saying she had "a lot of homework". The ISTJ (understandably, imo) was frustrated, because everyone at our very competitive school has "a lot of homework", so most people there (including her) would not consider that to be a good excuse. You make time for your obligations, you know? And she was also frustrated because this was part of a trend for the INFP.

This is a very small example, and I post it while wondering if it is in fact a common INFP issue or just this one INFP. (I would have posted it in an "Ask an INFP" thread, but I couldn't find one.)
 
E

Epiphany

Guest
One issue I have noticed with the INFPs in my life (as well as an INFJ with P tendencies), is that they tend to either force responsibility on people, or unnecessarily ask a lot of people, without offering anything in return, and then backing out of it afterwards. In other words, seeming to be simultaneously flaky and demanding -- as well as, if you're a cranky SJ, implying disrespect, even if the INFP doesn't mean it.

I'm not presuming this about all INFPs, since I have so few in my life and they are in the same demographic (female college students), and it may have to do with immaturity.

An example: Last Monday, an ISTJ friend of mine texted a bunch of her friends (including an INFP) to say that she was going to take time out of her obscenely busy schedule to make the long walk to the nearest grocery store, and to see if anyone who needed to get groceries wanted to come with her. The INFP said she was busy then and asked (earnestly and pitiably) if the ISTJ would wait until Thursday to go. The ISTJ said yes, made new time in her schedule for Thursday, only for the INFP to back out the day of (very apologetically), saying she had "a lot of homework". The ISTJ (understandably, imo) was frustrated, because everyone at our very competitive school has "a lot of homework", so most people there (including her) would not consider that to be a good excuse. You make time for your obligations, you know? And she was also frustrated because this was part of a trend for the INFP.

This is a very small example, and I post it while wondering if it is in fact a common INFP issue or just this one INFP. (I would have posted it in an "Ask an INFP" thread, but I couldn't find one.)

I don't have this problem because I don't make commitments that I can't keep. If I'm uncertain whether or not I can make an engagement, I use indefinite words like "probably" or "maybe" and I make sure to let people know in advance if plans have fallen through.

I also don't demand things from people and rarely ask for favors because I don't want to feel indebted to them. I certainly wouldn't ask someone to change their plans to accommodate me and then back out. I think the situation you described is not an INFP issue, but a personal issue that your friend has.
 

William K

Uniqueorn
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This is a very small example, and I post it while wondering if it is in fact a common INFP issue or just this one INFP. (I would have posted it in an "Ask an INFP" thread, but I couldn't find one.)

http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/nf-idyllic/46972-patiently-ask-infp-1-a.html

To answer your question, no. Breaking real commitments are a no-no. However, I would say that if I'm 'forced' to attend some social function I don't feel like I would enjoy, I will flip-flop between whether I will turn up until the last minute
 

21%

You have a choice!
Joined
May 15, 2009
Messages
3,224
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4w5
One issue I have noticed with the INFPs in my life (as well as an INFJ with P tendencies), is that they tend to either force responsibility on people, or unnecessarily ask a lot of people, without offering anything in return, and then backing out of it afterwards. In other words, seeming to be simultaneously flaky and demanding -- as well as, if you're a cranky SJ, implying disrespect, even if the INFP doesn't mean it.

I'm not presuming this about all INFPs, since I have so few in my life and they are in the same demographic (female college students), and it may have to do with immaturity.

An example: Last Monday, an ISTJ friend of mine texted a bunch of her friends (including an INFP) to say that she was going to take time out of her obscenely busy schedule to make the long walk to the nearest grocery store, and to see if anyone who needed to get groceries wanted to come with her. The INFP said she was busy then and asked (earnestly and pitiably) if the ISTJ would wait until Thursday to go. The ISTJ said yes, made new time in her schedule for Thursday, only for the INFP to back out the day of (very apologetically), saying she had "a lot of homework". The ISTJ (understandably, imo) was frustrated, because everyone at our very competitive school has "a lot of homework", so most people there (including her) would not consider that to be a good excuse. You make time for your obligations, you know? And she was also frustrated because this was part of a trend for the INFP.

This is a very small example, and I post it while wondering if it is in fact a common INFP issue or just this one INFP. (I would have posted it in an "Ask an INFP" thread, but I couldn't find one.)
Not an INFP, but here goes... :tongue:

I've noticed something a bit like this too. I don't know how to put this to words properly, and it could be way off, but I think sometimes IXFPs don't fully realize the impact of their actions in the real world (especially 9s). They don't presume that someone would go through the trouble of changing their own schedule to accommodate theirs, so they don't think that 'flaking out' is that big of a deal. My ISFP friend does this all the time, and I think she feels that no one is going to notice her missing from the gathering anyway.

In your specific situation, maybe your INFP friend didn't realize how hectic it was for the ISTJ to change her schedule. Perhaps the INFP didn't even 'commit' to Thursday. "I'm busy today. Can you wait till Thursday to go?" doesn't equal commitment, but the ISTJ would interpret it that way.

Just a guess, though :blush:
 

Eckhart

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Jan 6, 2010
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???
Yeah, well, I never really ask people to change their plans for me, but if I would I would not break the plan without a good reason. If I however was stressed into agreeing into a plan and never felt comfortable with it in the first place, then I might get out of the plan.
 

ChocolateMoose123

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sx/sp
My brother is an INFP. It seems my brother is in constant arrested development. He is 26. It's all he can do to keep a job and he never has a full-time one. I've read some of his online blogs and they are filled with idealistic ways of living and treating one another but he doesn't walk his own walk.

This is most apparent in the manipulative streak where the ends justify the means and he has outright swindled his friends out of cash. Taken belongings from our home (that do not belong to him) and sold them for his own benefit. This is what is so different to me about his (and one other INFP I know) thought process. I work with an INFP who stole a very nice camera out of the lost and found and was caught when the owner showed up to collect and it was in the INFP's car. Yet, politically he (and my brother) are always preaching a communistic world view. Everyone sharing and working together for a common good.

I understand having an idealistic view of life, grand far-reaching goals, etc. I get that some people think like that. I just don't understand the dissimilar contrast in how he and the other INFP I know, lives their lives. Now, my brother and this other INFP may very well be unhealthy. I am certain that is the case as most ethical people would not do those things. This may just show the worst examples. But here is a question for all INFP's that, IMO, would help my brother out immensely.

How do you healthy INFP's find motivation in things you do not like to do but have to do to function in real life?
 

redhotchips

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Nov 3, 2011
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INFP
My brother is an INFP. It seems my brother is in constant arrested development. He is 26. It's all he can do to keep a job and he never has a full-time one. I've read some of his online blogs and they are filled with idealistic ways of living and treating one another but he doesn't walk his own walk.

This is most apparent in the manipulative streak where the ends justify the means and he has outright swindled his friends out of cash. Taken belongings from our home (that do not belong to him) and sold them for his own benefit. This is what is so different to me about his (and one other INFP I know) thought process. I work with an INFP who stole a very nice camera out of the lost and found and was caught when the owner showed up to collect and it was in the INFP's car. Yet, politically he (and my brother) are always preaching a communistic world view. Everyone sharing and working together for a common good.

I understand having an idealistic view of life, grand far-reaching goals, etc. I get that some people think like that. I just don't understand the dissimilar contrast in how he and the other INFP I know, lives their lives. Now, my brother and this other INFP may very well be unhealthy. I am certain that is the case as most ethical people would not do those things. This may just show the worst examples. But here is a question for all INFP's that, IMO, would help my brother out immensely.

I was going to comment on your brother, but I'll start with the specific question you ended off with.

How do you healthy INFP's find motivation in things you do not like to do but have to do to function in real life?

I think reading someone else's post, it might have been UDog's, about reconnecting small, mundane day to day stuff to the overall concept and true genuine desires deep down inside an INFP's heart and soul. I've only read that a week or so back, and that has been percolating inside of me. As for my experiential understanding, I'm 28, and had a mix of having to grow-up too quickly, but also still being immature in a lot of ways, and would say I am only learning gradually in the past year about how it actually works out. I want to say maturity and life experience, and just trudging through a lot of years will eventually force me to have to grow up, no matter how much I SAID I wanted to grow up in the past. I can identify with the INFP tendency to be idealistic about things, but when push comes to shove for my own Self, that can very easily be compartmentalized or ignored for the immediate benefit of my own comfort.

I suppose that's how I'd segue into commenting on your brother. Obviously I don't know the picture, but I probably do start off with some sympathy for him. I had a lot of chances to go bad, to screw up, and I probably did in some way. If he truly does want to get better and have a responsible life, he may have to try therapy or something, somehow to address the inner emotional issues that can so easily affect his day to day actions. I know that's what I had to do to start getting a grip on things. He needs to feel that he's understood, and firstly, that it's okay to feel messed up, and to kind of grieve on that a bit. Then after, he needs to start to work towards "okay, the ways I acted in the past were to cope in an imperfect way, but it was necessary at the time. now it's time to find a better, more healthy way."

Sorry if I started to preach on something you didn't ask for input on, but I'm willing to give more insight if that helps.

thanks again MPD~~
 

FunnyDigestion

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4
Honestly, when it comes to all that day-to-day shit, that draining mundane stuff, I just force myself... I've trained myself over the years to have an efficiency mindset about it (& most of the rest of regular life), so when I realize there's some shit I have to do, I just suck it up & try to do it the fastest way I can, like I'm running out into a horrendous battle... It helps to be feeling well physically, so exercise is beneficial to doing that shit.

Sorry to curse but that's what it is, it's shit... all that f*cking day-to-day shit..
 
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