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Thread: Common INFP Issues

  1. #51
    Iron Maiden Array fidelia's Avatar
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    I'm thinking that if you are dating an FJ, it would be useful to let them know in what way you will respond best to them expressing their affection for you. It only really becomes a problem when the way the person is accustomed to doing so is rejected, but no substitute is offered instead. It may seem like that should be intuitive, but it isn't always. For example, I would tend to show physical affection because I like being close, but I would see it as more intrusive than verbal affection so only do it with a very, very select few and even then not in the same way that it sounds like an NFP who's let someone into their inner circle would. I do like to surprise people with little presents or things they'd like, but I've found that some people really feel uncomfortable with that as well (even if they aren't expensive things). I'm not sure why that is. I've found that for people who reject some of my most natural ways of expressing affection, they often respond best to something homemade or cooked for them. Why would that be?

  2. #52
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    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    Right click -> Reopen (or undo if you are using Firefox) closed tab?
    Oh, nice. Well. Too late now. I opened like fifty new tabs since then. Thanks for the tip.

  3. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    I may reclassify, but it is based on the whole course of my experience with them. (Interesting too that INFJs tend to feel much more comfortable when they have defined what kind of relationship they're going to have with any given person. It provides a sense of closure and knowing how to proceed with the person).
    Heh, yeah, the J vs P.

    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    I'm wondering if part of the reason that is not as common for you guys to have a ready assessment like that is that you tend to go on a more time by time basis with people? It's not that you don't have an overall long term picture, but I think if someone's a little different than they were last time, you take it more at face value as who they are during this particular exchange today. In my case, I would be constantly evaluating whether they fit into the picture I previously had of them, whether they are acting in character or whether I was totally mistaken.
    The feel I have about other people is a lot more like music or a painting than words. I don't think I can ever translate it into words. It is quite good description that we go on time by time basis, but there is something missing here. It's like if I meet you know and you act a bit out of your character, I will assume this is a new part of you or a variation of the overall theme. I do take it for granted, and then later when you have left and I'm alone, I try to see how it fits in the "painting" and how it effects the whole. It is like I never feel I know enough about a person to claim I do.

    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    I'm thinking that if you are dating an FJ, it would be useful to let them know in what way you will respond best to them expressing their affection for you. It only really becomes a problem when the way the person is accustomed to doing so is rejected, but no substitute is offered instead.
    I usually try to reply anyways, if a close friend of mine tells me they appreciate me for something, I might hug them or something like that. But I do see how it can be a real problem... I think it is easier when dating someone, because there are a lot more of approved physical expressions.

    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    I do like to surprise people with little presents or things they'd like, but I've found that some people really feel uncomfortable with that as well (even if they aren't expensive things). I'm not sure why that is. I've found that for people who reject some of my most natural ways of expressing affection, they often respond best to something homemade or cooked for them. Why would that be?
    Maybe it is that I know I should be giving presents to people and so on, but I rarely do and then when you do it, I am reminded about my own seemingly unaffectionate behavior, and I feel embarrassed.

  4. #54
    Iron Maiden Array fidelia's Avatar
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    Wow! That last statement is almost verbatim what a friend of mine said to me. She said something about her just feeling like she was a bad friend or something because she didn't. For me, it's more about finding the right thing for someone (big or little) and seeing the look on their face when they get it or knowing that you're making their life a little bit easier. I tend to accept just as joyfully as an expression of how well they know me and that I crossed their mind.

  5. #55
    thankful Array PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    ^ how would you feel if that gesture wasn't reciprocated, at some point in time?
    "Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one."
    Eleanor Roosevelt


    "When people see some things as beautiful,
    other things become ugly.
    When people see some things as good,
    other things become bad."
    Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

  6. #56
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    For me, it's more about finding the right thing for someone (big or little) and seeing the look on their face when they get it or knowing that you're making their life a little bit easier.
    Yes, that's it for me too when I am giving something. I don't expect anything in return. But I think that other people do expect something. This is a contradiction, I know. I don't know where it comes from.

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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    What about if the appreciate was written instead of in real time? Would you guys say generally that physical affection or acts of service would be better?
    Well, for me, any form of appreciation is fine. But, I'm more comfortable when it is written or within a physical gesture. But, that's just me. Even a simple smile or a "Hello" can make me feel good.


    I think of all the INFP common issues, romantic relationships are my worst. Me and romantic relationships do not get along. Don't get me wrong, I'm a romantic and would love to be in a romantic relationship. But...I can't. When I like them they don't like me and when they like me I DON'T LIKE THEM!!

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    Quote Originally Posted by musicnerd93 View Post
    When I like them they don't like me and when they like me I DON'T LIKE THEM!!
    That sounds familiar....

  9. #59
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    Quote Originally Posted by nolla View Post
    That sounds familiar....
    Seinfeld.

  10. #60
    Senior Member Array Rebe's Avatar
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    But...I can't. When I like them they don't like me and when they like me I DON'T LIKE THEM!!
    That's...odd. I disagree that that's a common issue, at least for me. It may seem that way but it sounds extremely sort of self-pitying. One, do you notice that you are attracted to people with the sole quality of being unattainable? That's something you should figure out and not blame being INFP. If you want a romantic relationship, go out there and get it

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