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Thread: Common INFP Issues

  1. #21
    THIS bitch Array stringstheory's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Does anyone want to talk a little about Fi-Si loops and what allows them to break out of them? I think Udog discussed this a bit in his blog and found that Ne was useful in that way. (I struggle with Ni-Ti loops).
    They're pretty miserable..Often times the Fi causes me to pick at comparatively unimportant situations, blow them wayyyyyy out of proportion and then continue to scrutinize for more "evidence". At this point I've learned to just operate under the assumption that either i am missing and/or neglecting important information, or that there is a deeper problem or unhappiness with myself.

    So in order for me to break out of it, I've found that the most effective way is by utilizing Te to make my Fi concrete and to help me distance myself from the situation so I can look at whatever my Si is picking up differently.

    The first thing i do is go back to some of the events and try to gather more information. Often this is where i bring in my best understanding of MBTI and cognitive functions and try to see the situation through the eyes of the other person (AKA Ne). Once i've stepped back enough, usually i sit down and try to properly articulate my feelings, look at the situations that trigger them, and look for the big picture.

    once i have gathered more information, properly identified what the Fi that's feeding my Si is in proper Te fashion, I rarely find the need to invest any more negative energy into the situation. I can now search for possible solutions, make a game plan, and then use that information to force myself into confronting the problem.


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  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    How would you use Ne in a practical sense when you are in that situation?
    Ne says: 'Hey, get out of bed, and let's look for something new. Past experiences are not the only option, stop ruminating on what happened before and how it made you feel, and start doing something!'

  3. #23
    Iron Maiden Array fidelia's Avatar
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    For INFJs, I think the biggest compliment you can give them is wanting to understand them completely and really know who they are at their core. Not asking seems like a rejection or lack of interest, particularly if they have invested a lot of time trying to get to know and understand you. Also not expressing something in my world usually means that I'm either neutral or holding back something negative (which I would probably only say if asked).

    Conversely, I think that probing questions can sometimes be seen as intrusive by INFPs (although I think in person I have a pretty good sense usually of where that line is in relationship to how close we are). INFJs would see it as a compliment that they are interested enough to try to figure out how you work best. The big difference between us is that nothing is seen as totally neutral behaviour. Fe users tend to usually nothing=negative. Therefore if you don't tell an INFJ your positive feelings about them, they will assume there aren't any or that you even are beginning to feel quite negatively towards them. They'll try to ask about it sometimes and that seems even more annoying, I'm sure. I kind of think that INFPs like maintaining some sense of mystery too. If someone were to know everything about them, I think maybe it would engender some feeling of loss or being too exposed even if they really like that person.


    So, how would you know if an INFPs feelings towards you are cooling off?

  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    For INFJs, I think the biggest compliment you can give them is wanting to understand them completely and really know who they are at their core. Not asking seems like a rejection or lack of interest, particularly if they have invested a lot of time trying to get to know and understand you. Also not expressing something in my world usually means that I'm either neutral or holding back something negative (which I would probably only say if asked).
    I do want to know someone I like, but I don't do it at all by asking questions that have to do with history or say, what they did today, it is more like "what do you think about that?", "where do you stand on this issue?". They are less concrete questions but more important for me.


    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    The big difference between us is that nothing is seen as totally neutral behaviour, whereas Fe users tend to usually assume that it's negative. Therefore if you don't tell an INFJ your positive feelings about them, they will assume there aren't any or that you even are beginning to feel quite negatively towards them. They'll try to ask about it sometimes and that seems even more annoying, I'm sure.
    This is news for me. I had no idea... it seems strange to assume the worst.

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    Iron Maiden Array fidelia's Avatar
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    We don't like emotional surprises. Therefore if you assume the worst, you're ready for anything. I'm not sure if that's why completely, but it's definitely a factor. Also every action, or inaction affects someone else, so I guess it's partly Fe perspective too. Also, we're unlikely to say something negative unless invited to, so our silence often can mean that there is something negative there that either hasn't been completely processed yet or that we don't consider big enough to make a deal of and risk conflict over (or our relationship isn't close enough to do so)..

  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    So, how would you know if an INFPs feelings towards you are cooling off?
    Personally, I will ask people about themselves, and if I feel a 'wall,' I'll stop. My ISFJ says I never ask the right questions though...Like I have a new friend who is black, and my sister asked me where she comes from originally, I said England, but my sister was not satisfied that I didn't ask her family's roots. I thought questions like that too a new friend might be taken to be intrusive, but to my sister, it's normal to ask..

    As for feelings cooling, I don't think they do in a lot of cases, as soon as we see you again we'll be cheery with you, but keeping contact via pc/phone is something we often (ashamedly) forget to do.

    Maybe someone else might be able to enlighten you there...

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    INFPs are probably really fucking exhausted from how awesome they are.

    That's got to be a real bitch to live with.

    I salute y'all!

    Seriously, I've never had a bad moment with any of my INFP friends.

    Very cool, easy going, and genuinely nice and loving people, from what I have experienced. Thumbs up to INFPs!
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  8. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    So, how would you know if an INFPs feelings towards you are cooling off?
    Eh, closest I can think of is when your presence becomes annoying. Time between when we talk to you, is almost never an indication. If we're avoiding you though, then there might be an issue. An example would be, you haven't seen each other for a long time and you meet in the store: cold will try to escape as soon as possible or even make a move to avoid you; warm will talk, and at times light up, unless there actually is something they need to get to which they'll be much nicer about. Basically for something negative you need to see something visibly negative or you run the risk of insulting them.
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    Iron Maiden Array fidelia's Avatar
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    Interesting.

  10. #30
    Away with the fairies Array Southern Kross's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Seymour View Post
    [*]Social Cluelessness - Our lack of Fe and reliance on Fi tends to make us, at times, blissfully (and not so blissfully) unaware of societal expectations. Even when we are aware of them, we may see such expectations as an attack on our individual expression and autonomy. Our Fi focus may also cause us to appear quirky or dress inappropriately for a given situation. Also, we may experience unnecessary conflict with Fe-users because we are unaware of them message we are sending by opting out of important rituals and traditions. We tend to be bad at initiating contact with others, which may send a message that we are selfishly disinterested in other people.
    For me its not so much cluelessness. I am keenly aware of what is expected of me in a social sense but I lack the ability to easily translate what I know and feel internally to an external expression of it. Also I often resent the social expectations (as you said) and tend to resist them. This is certainly not me being stubbornly contrary for the sake of being contrary (that would be pathetic ) but rather a stubborn refusal to change myself. I just want to dress and behave how I want and consider anything else to be a demand to perform.

    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Can you comment on the tendancy to cocoon when you guys need to sort something out of think it over? What are you doing during that process (when to the outside it may look like reading, playing video games, smoking etc)? How do you go about solving the problem at hand? (I've heard some INFPs say that they have to complete tear down the existing stuff and start from scratch) Do you want people to leave you alone, or respectfully check in on you now and again?
    I do pull away like that. My mind has a tendency to build clutter and stresses start to overwhelm me so I withdraw and find ways to relax my mind. When I'm like this I mostly want others to stay away but I can sometimes take it too far and eventually desire to be pulled out. The best way is to communicate with withdrawn INFPs with non-invasive, casual approach. A text message or email that doesn't require an immediate reply is a good way. That way we can choose when and how we get back to you without feeling cornered.

    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    There is also fantasy escapism as a part of this withdrawing, and in a weird, non-direct way it can help you deal with emotions, so that you become clear-headed again to deal with the real issue. This may often involve things which stir the imagination such as books, music, movies, etc. I used to take a walk at my job to clear my head when stressed or hitting a brick wall creatively. Just looking at the trees & sky and thinking about whatever would bring my internal state to a nice equilibrium. It's also a recharge from being around people.
    Absolutely. Fantasy and daydreaming is such a part of the refueling process. Its the best way for me to relax my mind.

    ...If I ask for input, please avoid cliches & give me some thoughtful, non-obvious solutions. Often, I'm really only asking for confirmation of ideas, but tread carefully in critiquing them as they are often tied to values of some kind. Similar to an INTP, there's a theoretical model in your head of the world, but it's very idealistic, a lot of "shoulds" and "woulds" and "coulds" that are hard to define in words, as they are felt in some sort of vague atmospheric way, and yet they are very clear to yourself. Often times, making them clear to others is not easily done, and that's what can lead to defensiveness or being closed off. It can also feel like too much effort at the time to talk & think simultaneously.
    I find the best way is to ask specific, constructive, and intelligent questions to draw out what that person really wants to achieve. This is what I do to others when they are involved in something creative because it is the most sensitive and helpful approach. I have just been doing this the last few days with a photography exhibition for 6 or so different artists. When they are uncertain I ask things like "what narrative do you want to convey?", or "do you want to arrange them more by colour tones/shapes or by a narrative/progression?" etc. Then I present options based on the information the give me. Of course, you don't even need to reply or give your opinion at all and instead, merely ask more questions. I find its really respectful and people truly feel like you're interested in helping within the bounds of their process and intentions rather than taking over and interfering.

    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Probably the biggest issue that I hear coming up is that INFPs find that others often underestimate how much thought they've given to a certain problem. By offering obvious or unworkable solutions and then getting frustrated when the INFP doesn't leap at them, it insults their intelligence and also makes them feel even more pressured on top of being judged. I know that's a big INFJ/INFP pitfall.
    Yeah this is very true. We do most of the work internally and what comes out is often the result of hours if not days or weeks of thought. Also people fail to listen closely to us when we voice our concerns and fob them off. I want reassurance more than self-important solutions. I definitely appreciate other input and ideas but they should be considerately presented after you have heard all the factors involved.


    Wow this is long... Sorry guys
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