Thread: Common INFP Issues
10-24-2011, 07:22 PM #201
10-25-2011, 11:37 AM #202
10-25-2011, 02:59 PM #203
YOU CAN NEVER FEEL THE PAIN I FEEL! YOU COULD NEVER UNDERSTAND ME! *runs away sobbing to go sit alone*"I put the fires out."
"you made them worse."
10-25-2011, 03:34 PM #204
- Join Date
- Mar 2009
Whenever I read one of these threads, I feel like I'm (we're) mentally ill.
10-25-2011, 03:42 PM #205
10-25-2011, 03:54 PM #206
- Join Date
- Mar 2009
We are the whipping boys of typology, that's for sure. It just gets old to be considered less-than by so many. I already do that to myself constantly so it's not exactly a revelation to know that others think I'm pathetic.
Last edited by Stanton Moore; 10-26-2011 at 10:28 AM.
10-25-2011, 04:16 PM #207
10-26-2011, 11:55 AM #208
are then burnt by it. We are forever questing for that which is
perfect within our own sphere of reference. Yet, like a hazy dream,
the details of which are forgotten in the act of remembering, the
realisation of an idealistic "dream" can actually let us down; it is
never quite the same.
I think you could see how regrets could form from this process. There
is also a great desire for us (perhaps 4w5s?) to make others know what
we know. It might be more accurate to say that we want to make others
feel what we feel.The "bad choices" that we make are upsetting
because they are less than perfect; moreover, they represent occasions
in which we feel we may not have expressed ourselves adequately.
Sometimes words seem so inadequate that I end up saying nothing, yet
feeling everything. Looking back on such moments, one sort of wishes
that all that was felt was spoken so that all that was spoken was
known. In the end, we sit there feeling everything and saying nothing
because the words do not support the weight of emotion.
Imagine painting a portrait and then hiding it. You don't want to show
it because it might be ridiculed. It could be brilliant - but
what if it's not? What if it's less than amazing, and people notice
that? What would it be to have the feeling of disappointment? But what
is it to live in not knowing? Within this liminality lies the untaken
opportunity (thwarted Ne), and therein lies the regret.
As an INFJ, your method of helping would be best expressed in
reminding us of how to do things that would make us feel better. INFJs
are good at making others feel good, so perhaps remind us that things
we do (or have done) also make people feel good. It is important for
INFPs to hear that we are not bad people.
Remember that INFPs have Aux Ne which we blot out when in a Fi-Si
loop. This means that we need constant reminders that opportunities
in the future may be positive. INFP 4s have difficulty in
seperating themselves from thier prevailing emotions. If the emotion
is one of sadness, realise that Ne is not operating at present and
therefore is not allowing us to see an emotional outcome other than
that which we are presently feeling. We might say "I hate the way I
feel right now" yet provide no other alternatives that may end this
feeling; we are not simply not capable since Ne is not functioning
properly. This is often the cause of rifts with SJs who don't
undestand why we don't just get on with it, or with NTs who think
"Your emotions are clearly a negative influence. Simply cauterise your
wounds and engage your brain."
Frank and honest conversation would be good here. Something like "I
know you're upset and you need time to yourself, but you can't go on
like this forever. I'm going to come back in a few days and take you
out to [place INFP likes]/we're going to go to the library and hang
out." Make sure your tone of voice is one of consolation. Any
suggestion that my feelings are in any way bad/wrong/uncalled
for/foolish will be met with hostility. If I am upset it is for a good
I am an INFP 4w5, therefore my desire is to be unique and authentic.
Saying things like "this happens to everyone" isn't useful to me
because I would think "Yes, but everyone is not me." Better in
these circumstances to focus on the specifics of the problem and show
you understand how/why the INFP is upset. This is very soothing. As an
INFJ, you will probably relate to the notion of "the harshness of the
world", so show you understand this aspect of life. It's very
useful for you to remind us of positive things in the past that you
believe we may have missed. INFJs seem to take detailed notes in
their minds about how situations and events play out. It's good for us
to hear things like "Don't you know she really liked you?" or "Don't
you realise your prescence had this effect?" Bizarrely, even though we
want to experience idealised moments, most of the time we are walking
around daydreaming about such things; we are terrible and being in the
here and now. INFJs are watching from the shadows (I can see you!)
silently logging how everyone interacts with one another.That girls are raped, that two boys knife a third,
Were axioms to him, who'd never heard
Of any world where promises were kept,
Or one could weep because another wept.
11-02-2011, 10:16 AM #2094w5, Fi>Ne>Ti>Si>Ni>Fe>Te>Se, sp > so > sx
appreciates being appreciated, conflicted over conflicts, afraid of being afraid, bad at being bad, predictably unpredictable, consistently inconsistent, remarkably unremarkable...
I may not agree with what you are feeling, but I will defend to death your right to have a good cry over it
The whole problem with the world is that fools & fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts. ~ Bertrand Russell
11-03-2011, 01:18 AM #210"Charlotte sometimes dreams a wall around herself. But it's always with love - So much love it looks like everything else. Charlotte Sometimes - So far away, glass sealed and pretty." - The Cure
INFP | 4w5 sp/sx - 451| RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive
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