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Thread: Common INFP Issues

  1. #11
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    ah where to begin. ok. the whole spaciness etc. is due to P or in other words, no decisions till the outcome has been completely understood. J's just make a decision and keep trying till one works. not exactly better. The F means we have to feel that the decision will help vs solve the problem. pick your poison by any means. The I means we want depth and connection vs just getting out there and try,try,try till we get it right. If you want N then your trying something new and different vs tried and true. So basically your just dealing with someone who is trying with everything they can to be for all practical means perfect. They just want someone to appreciate that and then they will not try so hard and be able to enjoy life.

  2. #12
    Iron Maiden Array fidelia's Avatar
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    All interesting. This site has been very helpful in the past for helping me come to some of these conclusions, but it's interesting to know the thought process.

    INFJs use venting to others to calm their emotions and clarify their thoughts. They get very frustrated if people start offering solutions before they have had a chance to get rid of the extra emotions. Even then, they'll usually prefer to ask specific questions or be allowed to talk to find the solutions, rather than actually getting a plan of action from elsewhere. It sounds like INFPs also need a way to calm their emotions but they do it differently. If INFJs start cocooning for extended lengths or disappearing into fantasy like realms (or Se comforts) usually it is a very bad sign, especially if it is prolonged. I believe what INFJs often do is assume that INFPs process similarly to them and become alarmed when they are neither the recipient of the INFP's excess emotions (so they know what's going on and so they know they are important still in the INFP's world), when they see INFPs cocooning without any seeming end in sight, and when they don't have enough information to work with. They mistake your withdrawal for distress that calls for active help or concern because comfort and outside input is what they'd hope for in those circumstances.

    By checking in, they are looking for more information (what's going on, is it likely we will see you come back sometime, are you okay, do you feel cared for) and they are trying to find an active way of helping you. I believe just by explaining what you are doing, it makes it much easier to leave you alone to do it. If you can offer even a tiny bit of information, it also helps them not imagine the worst (usually I go to those I care about most for comfort. Fi users don't tend to want to burden the people they care about and it's more of an independent process in finding the solution. Sometimes they will mistakenly assume you don't care or don't think they are trustworthy during the hardest times).

    Probably the biggest issue that I hear coming up is that INFPs find that others often underestimate how much thought they've given to a certain problem. By offering obvious or unworkable solutions and then getting frustrated when the INFP doesn't leap at them, it insults their intelligence and also makes them feel even more pressured on top of being judged. I know that's a big INFJ/INFP pitfall.

    Does anyone want to talk a little about Fi-Si loops and what allows them to break out of them? I think Udog discussed this a bit in his blog and found that Ne was useful in that way. (I struggle with Ni-Ti loops).

  3. #13
    Iron Maiden Array fidelia's Avatar
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    How do you express love to others most commonly?

    How would you express anger towards others most commonly? Does that change depending on how close you are to someone?

  4. #14
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    Most, if not all, of the help anyone can provide me is non-verbal in nature, even when it comes to the Fi-Si loop. Even then, however, you have to be significantly close to me, like top tier friend or SO for it to be of any help and at some levels only an SO can help (no, that doesn't necessarily mean sex). Actually, one of the best tests of how close a dating relationship has gotten for me is when I'll allow someone to hold me, but no words, please...
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  5. #15
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    Did anyone mention that we tend to not give the kind of information about ourselves that other people appreciate as means to intimacy? What I mean is, it is normal for me to hear someone say they know nothing about me. Facts, that is. I personally don't care that much about the facts that are told, but the facts I observe, so while the bonding through sharing is not unheard of it is not my preferred way to "know" people. This can make people feel like I don't care about them.

    Annoying, but I am trying to break the habit and tell a story once in a while...

    EDIT:

    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    How do you express love to others most commonly?
    Oh, you posted that while I was writing. It kinda sidelines with what I was talking about. I personally kinda expect people to know I love them. Apart from that, it is mostly some deeds I do, like surprise them or such, but that's it mostly. If I am in love with someone and say it out loud it is usually a big mistake, heh...

    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    How would you express anger towards others most commonly? Does that change depending on how close you are to someone?
    I usually don't. I will try to talk calmly about it. If it doesn't work, I disappear. Poof. The times I have been angry at someone, it has had much effect, though, probably because it is very unusual to see me mad.

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    Iron Maiden Array fidelia's Avatar
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    I've found that usually it's been opposite. Of my close INFP friends, I can usually get them to talk even when they aren't in the habit of doing so. However, they don't usually ask about me. I finally realized this year that it just meant they were trying not to intrude, not that they didn't care and weren't interested in knowing anything about me.

  7. #17
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    Fidelia, this is amazing, very helpful info on INFJs so thanks!

    On Fi-Si loop:

    Ne does help because it's our most reliable external function and even an introvert can't/shouldn't live life completely internally. If you rely on your feelings/values (Fi) and your memories/past experiences (Si) then your judgements are based on past prejudices/the past in general and you find it hard to live in a world that is ever-changing. Ne looks for possibilities in everything, to the point where some find it ridiculous. It instinctively looks for ways to tackle problems without having to relive past emotions constantly, which if painful, can make an INFP fearful about making any external decision, which makes them disconnected.

    On anger/love:

    Love: If I love a person, I'll try to see no wrong in them, even though I'll acknowledge no-one is perfect. I'll want to dote on them, but I won't be overbearing because I'm still living partially inside my head.

    Anger: Because of the above, I'll upset before I anger, I'll cry before I yell...

  8. #18
    Iron Maiden Array fidelia's Avatar
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    How would you use Ne in a practical sense when you are in that situation?

  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    I've found that usually it's been opposite. Of my close INFP friends, I can usually get them to talk even when they aren't in the habit of doing so.
    Yes, I believe you can. But I wouldn't spontaneously talk about my past and such. It doesn't usually cross my mind. And if someone I don't like all that much starts to pry I tend to get a bit uncomfortable...

    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    However, they don't usually ask about me. I finally realized this year that it just meant they were trying not to intrude, not that they didn't care and weren't interested in knowing anything about me.
    Yep, same phenomenon mirrored. I think that if someone wants to tell me something about their past, then they do, and if they don't I won't think that they are keeping it from me. I have quite neutral attitude towards these things. I don't really care if I know much facts or not at all... I would like to know is this me or is it common with other INFPs.

  10. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    How do you express love to others most commonly?
    This would probably be better covered by love languages, it's actually quite accurate. I express with touch, time, and acts.

    How would you express anger towards others most commonly? Does that change depending on how close you are to someone?
    Relationship does change the expression as far as I'm concerned; that said I've learned to express more than I normally would.

    The common rabble may only see my thinking face as I dissapear shaking my head.

    Aquaintences and the average co-worker will get a chance with one or two line bits of communication per round, but then I go silent and possibly walk off.

    Lower tier friends and close co-workers will get some explanation and a chance to work it out before I get worse, but I have a few facial and hand expressions that I've been told are rather fear inducing. Often I'll walk away with a little explanation if the situation isn't worth causing relationship issues with expressions.

    close friends get similar as above but more explanation and the expressions are more mild and I don't walk away as easily. Family also fits in here.

    top tier friends don't get me angry enough to make the scary expressions, but when I'm mad I'm best able to let them know and understand.

    SOs I try my hardest to explain, but I've had two that got past the real edge of my patience and I have yelled for a total of 2 min then gone totally silent, often going for a walk. SOs who manage to get me to explode tend not to remain SOs for long unless they rectify the issue quickly.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

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    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.


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