Being called 'quiet' and being hurt by it because you feel like they are belittling you...
Thread: Common INFP Issues
02-14-2011, 03:20 PM #161<3
02-23-2011, 10:10 PM #162
There is a great deal of debate about whether I'm INFP or INTP. I'm revisiting and replaying the moments I can remember from my life. I thought about starting a thread where people tell the various anecdotes which identify their type, or maybe a blog to describe my own. Of course, that would be a book, probably.
Hypersensitivity - We often interpret negative feedback as a personal attack. In fact, we sometimes project negativity onto factual, neutral statements. This problem extends to critiques of our values, since as Fi-doms we see our values as fundamental parts of ourselves. Our hypersensitivity can cause us to avoid seeking feedback or evaluation out of fear of it being negative.
Tendency to procrastinate - Like other perceiving types, we have a tendency to procrastinate. In our case, an avoidance of conflict tends to be a contributing factor. Our Fi-based idealism combined with our Ne-inspired ability to see possibilities sometimes makes moving from the possible to the actual
I definitely procrastinate. In graduate school, I averaged two weeks late on all my papers. I'd be the first to the library. I'd probably check out the most books on the subject. In fact, I went to the library with a laundry basket because as a graduate student, I could check out 50 books at once! Also, I could even check out journals for three days. Yet, I usually didn't start my paper until the night before it was due. To be candid, I felt better just taking the letter grade reduction for being late. Then I could relax.
[*]Social Disregard and/or Cluelessness - Our lack of Fe and reliance on Fi tends to make us seemingly unaware of societal expectations. Even when we are aware of them, we may see such expectations as an attack on our individual expression and autonomy. Our Fi focus may also cause us to appear quirky or dress inappropriately for a given situation. Also, we may experience unnecessary conflict with Fe-users because we are unaware of the message we are sending by opting out of important rituals and traditions. We tend to be bad at initiating contact with others, which may send a message that we are selfishly disinterested in other people.
[*]Idealism/Absolutism - While at its best our Fi can lead us towards having worthwhile values and not compromising them, at our worst we tend towards an intolerant, blinkered impracticality. We can tend to dismiss information that doesn't fit with our preconceived ideals and becomes angry when people point out how distorted our internal model of the world may be. This can extend to relationships, causing us to over-idealize those we love, leading to communication problems and/or disappointment.[/LIST]
I can somewhat see myself in this historically, but I don't want to elaborate. Also, my "values" are to not be an absolutist. That is, I try to absolutely not be absolutist. I'm basically intolerant of intolerant people.
03-08-2011, 11:45 AM #163
- Recurrent feelings of self-failure
- Feeling estranged or helpless when emotionally overwhelmed
- Unaware of when to be assertive and when to be passive; the two functions are often used in inappropriate situations
- Intense desire for meaningful companionship conflicting with our stark introversion: unbearable loneliness results
- Tendency to contemplate rather than act, to project rather than solve esp. when the latter is often a better solution
- Conflict between logic and emotions — a desire to feel less esp. in INFPs with well-developed Ti
- Laziness, irresponsibility, immaturity, indecisiveness
- Paralysis from fear or doubt
- Stagnancy resulting from fear of change or unwillingness to try new things; uncanny timidness
That is kind of a personal list, but I have a feeling it will easily apply to other INFPs.MBTI: INxP
Multiple Intelligence: Linguistic/verbal, intrapersonal.
04-02-2011, 05:20 PM #164Anew LeafGuest
04-23-2011, 01:15 PM #165
As for #3, I can totally relate. Easter is coming and everyone is all "Have a happy Easter" or "what are you doing for Easter" and my thought process is like "Oh yeah, Easter. I probably will play a video game. Maybe I should do something for Easter. Go to church and say hi to zombie Jesus? naaah. What do people do? I remember having to hunt for eggs and getting baskets, but that was a long time ago. My parents want me to come up to my Aunt and Uncle's house and hang out... but why? Is it someone's birthday. Oh wait, Easter, right. Well maybe I'll play a video game and then go up there and show my face so they don't think I'm avoiding them. But I don't want to, I'll see them at Thanksgiving, a real holiday, but... shit.. what do I do.. I'll just go so they don't think I hate them."
I'm aware that it's a long drawn out thought but it really isn't that long sounding in my head.
04-25-2011, 07:01 PM #166
- Join Date
- May 2008
As a side note, did you guys realize that this thread is the only one of the NF "common issues" threads that doesn't have the five star rating? I think we should congratulate each other for being so humble all this time!
04-25-2011, 09:53 PM #167
04-26-2011, 04:07 PM #168
- Join Date
- May 2008
Exactly! There should be a Celebrate Your Modesty day!
04-26-2011, 11:16 PM #169
Yay for being modest! *pats self on back and wrenches a muscle*...4w5, Fi>Ne>Ti>Si>Ni>Fe>Te>Se, sp > so > sx
appreciates being appreciated, conflicted over conflicts, afraid of being afraid, bad at being bad, predictably unpredictable, consistently inconsistent, remarkably unremarkable...
I may not agree with what you are feeling, but I will defend to death your right to have a good cry over it
The whole problem with the world is that fools & fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts. ~ Bertrand Russell
04-29-2011, 01:45 AM #170
I'm going back a way to Fidelia's concept of cocooning. Looking at my current situation: I attended two five-day personal growth workshops (for training purposes), then gave a five-day workshop. It went really well, but that extraversion and intense connection with the participants was also extremely tiring. Then nine days of almost not being present at all. Drifting around, googling things on the internet, making vegetable soup, more vegetable soup, pressure cooker bread, reading On Death and Dying by Kubler-Ross, Psychosynthesis by Roberto Assagioli. Responding to work-related emails. Managing financial related stuff, sufficiently. Listening to my husband talking about what's going on with him. Sleeping.
Trying not to judge myself, because that doesn't help, but hoping that one day I'll re-emerge - I always do, don't I?
Then today, something shifts. I'm still cocooning, but in my inner, something is stirring. Something is focussing, curious. Something creative is going to emerge.
So, what I want to say here, is that this cocooning isn't something negative. It's part of the way we function. What I want to know is how best to work with this, so it doesn't go somewhere negative, but takes me to the next place I need to go.
Does anyone have any experience with how to maximise the benefit of (but not unnecessarily extend) the cocooning times?
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