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  1. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by Abstract Thinker View Post
    Nothin but love for ya, my brand new friend. Thanks.
    No problem, new friend.

  2. #52
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Abstract Thinker View Post
    I hope that means what I think it does... that I am recovering from that awful addiction. After all, I did say NO to the rox in my dream, which I NEVER did IRL. At least not yet -- haven't had the chance. Haven't put myself in that predicament.

    Anyway, thanks, runvardh. You rock.
    In reality, whether or not you're recovering would require deeper self-analysis. The dreams just mean it's on your mind whether or not you think about out consciously.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  3. #53
    Senior Member Abstract Thinker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by runvardh View Post
    In reality, whether or not you're recovering would require deeper self-analysis. The dreams just mean it's on your mind whether or not you think about out consciously.
    Oh, I'm recovering. If I wasn't, I would probably not have a job or a computer to post on this board with.

    And of course I'm thinking about it... consciously and subconsciously. It's just so powerful. I think about it every day, but less often than I did a year ago. It used to be constant, and completely distracting.

    Now I just wake up every day and say "not today." And then I string those days together, and it's been over a year of those days. Eventually I'll stop dreaming about it, and even thinking about it, just like I have stopped dreaming and thinking about meth. This one's gonna take longer though. It's just that powerful.

    I almost caved in this weekend for some reason, but this forum was a large part of why I didn't. And I feel even stronger now.

  4. #54
    morose bourgeoisie
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    So what is your creative outlet, Abstract Thinker?

  5. #55
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Just checked back in here again. First of all, AT, I want to say that I'm so glad that you didn't end up giving in to that addiction again. This is one of the reasons that I like this forum. We as humans are all designed to impact and be impacted by those around us. Many people find themselves feeling isolated and alone and without enough support system at various points in their lives. An online community is one way that you can get some support, especially if you are new somewhere, and the potential for our shared experiences and help to impact each other positively is huge.

    You asked what I thought about therapy and meds vs therapy alone. I know some people who have needed medication because they lack the will to keep going. Life just seems like too big of a struggle. In that case, I think sometimes there is a use for something to help dull those emotions enough that they can start regaining perspective.

    Just as our brains and body numbs us out temporarily when something bad happens (after a sudden death of someone close to us, an accident etc), numbing medication is meant to be temporary. I think it's possible that some people have a chemical imbalance that's causing problems and in those cases I guess medication is useful. However, for most people suffering from depression, it is caused by being in an impossible situation. Like a physical injury, that kind of stuff needs active treatment and then time to recover.

    The literature seems to indicate that depression often takes the same amount of time to recover from whether people are on meds enough. There are enough downsides to many meds that I would be reluctant to take them unless it was absolutely necessary.

    Probably what is more therapeutic are activities that will help re-energize you and help you see the world from another perspective (exercise etc), exposure to uplifting or useful thoughts (reading), looking back at what brought you to that impossible situation in the first case to try to address the root cause, and building a support system of people around you.

    Are there some things that you've said were fine in the past, but that are impacting you more seriously than you thought? Those might be worth talking about to someone so that they can be laid to rest and don't follow you into your future.

  6. #56
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    Quote Originally Posted by nebbykoo View Post
    So what is your creative outlet, Abstract Thinker?
    I know I'm not Abstract Thinker, but I want to reply anyway--I have but one creative outlet..

  7. #57
    Senior Member Abstract Thinker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nebbykoo View Post
    So what is your creative outlet, Abstract Thinker?
    I used to write and produce music, and my ex-wife sang for me. I also mixed and mastered a bunch of music for other musicians - I could have easily made a career out of that. I'm quite good at it. Audio production just comes easy to me. I worked in a recording studio on and off from 1983 to 2000, but all of my music was done in our home studio. If you've seen pix of Halla's, it was a lot like that.

    One note of pride: I produced a House Track for a British musician in 2001. He flew over to the States and stayed with us while I arranged, mixed, and mastered his track. He wrote it, mind you... I just brought it to fruition and made it sound good. Most musicians cannot do that. That's what a Producer is. When it was finished, we sent the master over to Abbey Road in London where they had planned to re-master it for vinyl. Well, they called us and told us that mine was the first master they had ever received that they didn't have to touch.

    I celebrated by getting high, and staying that way for a week or so. I guess you're getting the picture of how I handled my musical successes.

    Incidentally, it ended up selling several hundred thousand copies and was featured on many mix CDs by some of the world's biggest DJs. I didn't get royalties, but I was paid pretty well for the production.

    Anyway, I published a couple House tracks of my own and sold a lot of vinyl, but not enough to quit my day job at the studio. We were working on an album, performed some great live shows, and had the beginnings of industry interest.

    So I got high even more to celebrate. See the pattern? What an asshole I was.

    Truth is, I let the drugs ruin my life-long dream, and I let them ruin my marriage. I blame no one but myself.

    That failure will be my biggest regret. It broke my heart, and I just can't do it any more, although Halla is helping me to maybe believe I can. I really do love that guy. We're all lucky to have him here.

    So, to answer your question... no creative outlet. It all went up in smoke.

    ---

    In case anyone's interested, here's a link to some of our music: Tech23 Music

    This isn't the vinyl stuff. This is the album we never finished. It's all at least ten years old, and some of it's even older. It's certainly not for everybody, but a lot of people liked it.

  8. #58
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    You may want to work your way back into having a creative outlet and trying not to celebrate using substances as there are many other ways.

    That said, I'm still working on that myself, only with out the drug worries.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  9. #59
    Senior Member Abstract Thinker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by runvardh View Post
    You may want to work your way back into having a creative outlet and trying not to celebrate using substances as there are many other ways.

    That said, I'm still working on that myself, only with out the drug worries.
    I sincerely wish you luck.

    It might be too late for me. I can live with it though. I have a great job and a lot of people who love me. And believe it or not, I have my health.

  10. #60
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Are there some things that you've said were fine in the past, but that are impacting you more seriously than you thought? Those might be worth talking about to someone so that they can be laid to rest and don't follow you into your future.
    Yes, I'm sure you're right. As I said earlier, I am seeking a therapist for the first time in my life.

    Funny, as much as I appreciate all the support and well wishes I've received, (in this thread and in private), I'm really starting to feel embarrassed about all this attention.

    I started off musing about my INFP-ness, and I'm now realizing just how unhealthy I really am.

    I'm not complaining though. Please don't see it that way. Maybe this thread, and the way I've felt the last few days, are the mystical reason I joined this forum, which happens to be my first social network ever.

    I've never even talked about this stuff except to the people who were there when it happened.

    If nothing else, maybe some of our younger members will read this story, take it to heart, and avoid the mistakes I made.

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