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[INFP] The bittersweet burden of INFP

Fidelia

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Why would it be too late for you, my friend? You can beat all this! I know we don't have all the information, but keep in mind that the thoughts you have while depressed are not always an accurate representation of what actually is - just what you feel they are at that time. Keep fightin'! We're on your team!
 

Abstract Thinker

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Why would it be too late for you, my friend? You can beat all this! I know we don't have all the information, but keep in mind that the thoughts you have while depressed are not always an accurate representation of what actually is - just what you feel they are at that time. Keep fightin'! We're on your team!

I'm 46 years old, divorced, childless, lonely, and tired. I fear that I spent it all, ya know? :cry:

I'm just so ashamed of this thread now. I feel like I'm imposing and complaining, and that's really not my style.

But thank you so much, all of you. :hug:

I'm in awe of the awesomeness on this board.
 

Fidelia

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Imposing? Of course not! Complaining? Sometimes you need to have a place to lay your burdens down at the side of the road so that you can keep on walking. I think it took courage and humility for you to be so honest and open to other people's comments. There are a lot of people walking the same path or that have their lives in front of them. It may be that you have saved someone from a fatal accident this week or in the future by putting up a roadsign or a guard rail where some of the biggest wrecks occur.

And 46? That's hardly the end of your life! You get to decide what to do with every day from here on in. That's a lot of days ahead of you. Think of the potential!

Tired, I can imagine. You've travelled a stony and steep pathway up a difficult mountain that very few successfully traverse. Sit down for a few minutes and let us give you a little conversation or water or a walking stick and then keep climbing! Let the sorrow you feel over the past be turned into something that can be used for good. You have the power to empathize in a way that many can't. The fact that you have seen how bad things can get allows you to appreciate what you have much differently. You can help other people change their fate by your honesty about your own experiences.
 

Abstract Thinker

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It may be that you have saved someone from a fatal accident this week or in the future by putting up a roadsign or a guard rail where some of the biggest wrecks occur.

That would make it all worthwhile.

That's a lot of days ahead of you. Think of the potential!

I am absolutely humbled and touched by your kindness and concern. :hug:

Okay, I'm starting to cry, and I'm at work, so I need to leave for a while. I'll be back later though. You guys rock. :headphne:
 

Fidelia

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You kind of make me think of soil that's been dried out by the hot sun for a long, long time. You need some time to soak up the water of other people's support and care for you. At first it will all just get sucked down and disappear because the soil is so dry, but once you get enough, you'll find that green stuff will start growing again. Don't get discouraged. You're going to come through this!
 

Abstract Thinker

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You kind of make me think of soil that's been dried out by the hot sun for a long, long time. You need some time to soak up the water of other people's support and care for you. At first it will all just get sucked down and disappear because the soil is so dry, but once you get enough, you'll find that green stuff will start growing again. Don't get discouraged. You're going to come through this!

That's a good analogy fidelia, and it gives me hope. Again, I thank you.

I'm feeling really embarrassed about all this, but I won't erase anything I wrote. Like you said, maybe someone will see this thread and avoid the mistakes I made.

I'm so ashamed of all the drug and depression talk, and what I'm sure looks like self-pity. This isn't the voice I wanted to have on this board.

Sorry, folks. :blush:
 

Fidelia

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I didn't think you sounded self-pitying. Less hopeful than you'd like to be maybe, but not wallowing. I believe that's way less harmful than pretending to yourself and others that everything is 100% A-OK when it isn't.
 

runvardh

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I sincerely wish you luck.

It might be too late for me. I can live with it though. I have a great job and a lot of people who love me. And believe it or not, I have my health.

As long as I'm alive, I have time to change something. Can't comment on having people who love you, but the bolded stuck out for me. Don't ever forget the pounding you put your body through and how many have done that and died. That's luck right there and don't ever think otherwise. :)

I haven't done any of it, but I may be replacing body parts sooner than I'd like, and I'm only a little more than half your age. Hell, both my knees and hips might be fake by the time I get to your age.
 

skylights

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Stay away from MDs .. Go find a counselor or a Psychologist .. Psychiatrists are just drug pushers themselves in their own way and do not seek cure of the core problem, rather only to cure the symptoms.

whooaaaa. ok i was having a really interesting time perusing this thread until here.

maybe you had a shitty psychiatrist, and i'm really sorry if so, because i can understand that being really, really frustrating. but please do not condemn an entire legitimate and already much-maligned branch of medicine which is doing so much actual good in the world. psychiatrists are generally just as interested in core problems, but many disorders are not black-and-white, and the underlying issues can be multifaceted. the goal is often just to get to a point where people can live a reasonably healthy, happy life. and at least the psychiatrists i know definitely advocate seeing both a psychiatrist and a psychologist, thereby getting at the issues through two very different but very complementary avenues :yes:

plus, different drugs can have very different effects depending on personal body chemistry... i think it's very hard to tell people what works and what doesn't based on experience unless you know that their chemistry is very similar to yours...

Some people have chemical imbalances and mental issues.

Some people have emotional issues.

2 different cures for 2 different problems.

the two often overlap enormously though... and sometimes addressing one can make it drastically easier to address the other.

anyway, back to reading -- INFP feels like my slightly darker, more serious cousin. and yeah addiction blows... i've been there too... recovery is so long and complicated :hug:
 

Vasilisa

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Dear Abstract, do you ever consider what separates us from the animals?
One answer: our ability to think about our own situations (including thought patterns) and change them.

This is the amazing power that only you possess.
This is why I continue to believe in you. :hug:
 

Arclight

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whooaaaa. ok i was having a really interesting time perusing this thread until here.

maybe you had a shitty psychiatrist, and i'm really sorry if so, because i can understand that being really, really frustrating. but please do not condemn an entire legitimate and already much-maligned branch of medicine which is doing so much actual good in the world. psychiatrists are generally just as interested in core problems, but many disorders are not black-and-white, and the underlying issues can be multifaceted. the goal is often just to get to a point where people can live a reasonably healthy, happy life. and at least the psychiatrists i know definitely advocate seeing both a psychiatrist and a psychologist, thereby getting at the issues through two very different but very complementary avenues :yes:

plus, different drugs can have very different effects depending on personal body chemistry... i think it's very hard to tell people what works and what doesn't based on experience unless you know that their chemistry is very similar to yours...



the two often overlap enormously though... and sometimes addressing one can make it drastically easier to address the other.

anyway, back to reading -- INFP feels like my slightly darker, more serious cousin. and yeah addiction blows... i've been there too... recovery is so long and complicated :hug:

Whoooooooa !!! Totally???!!

Seems to me you found my post most interesting of all. Since it's the one feel compelled to lecture respond to.

I know Abstract Thinker a tad more personally through PM's and I was speaking directly to him concerning what I know about him, and not "condemning" a legitimate field of medical science.
Nor did I say all Psychiatrists are bad.

SSRI's are dangerous to some people. They need more study and should not be given out every time someone is "depressed".

FYI.. I am presently enrolled in college studying to be a Pharmacy Technician. Obviously choosing a career in something that promotes certain things I am ethically against will present a challenge. But there is a greater human aspect involved.. and That is always my focus.

Maybe you missed that aspect in my post?.
 

skylights

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Whoooooooa !!! Totally???!!

Seems to me you found my post most interesting of all. Since it's the one feel compelled to lecture respond to.

I know Abstract Thinker a tad more personally through PM's and I was speaking directly to him concerning what I know about him, and not "condemning" a legitimate field of medical science.
Nor did I say all Psychiatrists are bad.

SSRI's are dangerous to some people. They need more study and should not be given out every time someone is "depressed".

FYI.. I am presently enrolled in college studying to be a Pharmacy Technician. Obviously choosing a career in something that promotes certain things I am ethically against will present a challenge. But there is a greater human aspect involved.. and That is always my focus.

Maybe you missed that aspect in my post?.

maybe there are better ways of backing up your points than mocking my style of writing when you disagree with me. and i would not say most interesting - simply the most offending.

in any case, i didn't mean to invade upon or attack personal matters. it was just that this:

Psychiatrists are just drug pushers themselves in their own way and do not seek cure of the core problem, rather only to cure the symptoms.

does not really sound like humanistic personal advice, and it was written on a public forum. regardless of your college major or opinion that not all psychiatrists are bad, i still disagree that psychiatrists are just drug pushers and do not seek to cure core problems. having graduated college with a degree in psychology and having worked with psychiatrists, i also feel secure in saying this.

i really don't have any desire to offend you, and i'm sorry if i came off as lecturing. i do feel, however, that is an unfair and misleading statement that anyone browsing the forums could read and incorporate into their worldview. psychiatry has had so much bad press already - maybe since you're in the medical fields and interested in psychology, you already understand that, but someone else may not. i felt like it was in the interest of anyone who may be considering psychiatric treatment and looking to these forums for opinions to point out the contrary, including Abstract Thinker, though he seems to be in pretty good control of his plans.

and i do completely agree about SSRIs, but i am also completely certain they are not given out every time someone is depressed - or as you put it, "depressed" - ? honestly, i'm just not sure i understand the hostility towards psychiatric medicine - or the blanket statements. as far as i can tell, they're both untrue and undeserved.

--

hey Abstract Thinker, sorry i kind of hijacked your thread a bit.

anyway, you're not a mess, just human like all of us! :hug: i know enfps can fly through emotions sometimes, but we get such low and high swings too... it's so tricky to manage when it flows forth so unexpectedly.

i've never done most drugs, but i had a really frustrating food addiction for a while (yeah kind of embarrassing), and i tried some medications to work with that. i agree that there's something very freeing about going cold turkey, even though it's difficult (and how to even do that with food was silly to figure out!) and it's a little bit funny, but i totally had dreams about really awful-for-you foods. like donut sticks. lol! but i'd be hungry in my dreams, i wouldn't eat. i figure it's our brains going through the subconscious desires and all, you know? but we're winning, obviously, if we don't succumb even in our dreams.

so congrats on your success so far!! it's awesome to hear. you sound so positive about the whole thing, overall, even though day-to-day i can imagine it gets pretty rough. :yes: it's like your title - bittersweet - i think sometimes INFPs don't realize how much sweet really exudes to the outside. it's healing to everyone :]
 

angell_m

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I'm 46 years old, divorced, childless, lonely, and tired. I fear that I spent it all, ya know? :cry:

I'm just so ashamed of this thread now. I feel like I'm imposing and complaining, and that's really not my style.

But thank you so much, all of you. :hug:

I'm in awe of the awesomeness on this board.

You've got many years a head of you buddy. Wish you the best.





Ps. By the sound of things (and I don't even know you... at all), you would probably have been a better father than my father ever was.
 

Arclight

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maybe there are better ways of backing up your points than mocking my style of writing when you disagree with me. and i would not say most interesting - simply the most offending.

in any case, i didn't mean to invade upon or attack personal matters. it was just that this:



does not really sound like humanistic personal advice, and it was written on a public forum. regardless of your college major or opinion that not all psychiatrists are bad, i still disagree that psychiatrists are just drug pushers and do not seek to cure core problems. having graduated college with a degree in psychology and having worked with psychiatrists, i also feel secure in saying this.

i really don't have any desire to offend you, and I'm sorry if i came off as lecturing. i do feel, however, that is an unfair and misleading statement that anyone browsing the forums could read and incorporate into their worldview. psychiatry has had so much bad press already - maybe since you're in the medical fields and interested in psychology, you already understand that, but someone else may not. i felt like it was in the interest of anyone who may be considering psychiatric treatment and looking to these forums for opinions to point out the contrary, including Abstract Thinker, though he seems to be in pretty good control of his plans.

and i do completely agree about SSRIs, but i am also completely certain they are not given out every time someone is depressed - or as you put it, "depressed" - ? honestly, i'm just not sure i understand the hostility towards psychiatric medicine - or the blanket statements. as far as i can tell, they're both untrue and undeserved.

--

hey Abstract Thinker, sorry i kind of hijacked your thread a bit.

anyway, you're not a mess, just human like all of us! :hug: i know enfps can fly through emotions sometimes, but we get such low and high swings too... it's so tricky to manage when it flows forth so unexpectedly.

i've never done most drugs, but i had a really frustrating food addiction for a while (yeah kind of embarrassing), and i tried some medications to work with that. i agree that there's something very freeing about going cold turkey, even though it's difficult (and how to even do that with food was silly to figure out!) and it's a little bit funny, but i totally had dreams about really awful-for-you foods. like donut sticks. lol! but i'd be hungry in my dreams, i wouldn't eat. i figure it's our brains going through the subconscious desires and all, you know? but we're winning, obviously, if we don't succumb even in our dreams.

so congrats on your success so far!! it's awesome to hear. you sound so positive about the whole thing, overall, even though day-to-day i can imagine it gets pretty rough. :yes: it's like your title - bittersweet - i think sometimes INFPs don't realize how much sweet really exudes to the outside. it's healing to everyone :]

OK I understand your point about my post being irresponsible, as it is it just a personal opinion, and normally I qualify that fact when I express it.
Again I will reiterate that AT and I were also conversing behind the scenes of this thread but pertaining to it. Some of that just spilled out into the public eye.
I am sorry You feel offended, I am sorry I took offense.

Perhaps as a Canadian, I am simply frustrated with Psychiatry being covered by public health insurnace and Psychology, not.
I know a few too many people who need support, counseling and emotional help.. not drugs.
In this country, despite our advancements is some areas, in others it feels like we are living in the stone age.
 

runvardh

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Perhaps as a Canadian, I am simply frustrated with Psychiatry being covered by public health insurnace and Psychology, not.
I know a few too many people who need support, counseling and emotional help.. not drugs.
In this country, despite our advancements is some areas, in others it feels like we are living in the stone age.

We have those in this country? I may need to find one whether health insurance covers it or not.
 

sui generis

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Perhaps as a Canadian, I am simply frustrated with Psychiatry being covered by public health insurnace and Psychology, not.


*continues derail*

I'm largely pro-psychiatry, but this frustrates ME as well. Therapy and medication have both helped me so much, largely because meds gave me the stability I needed to properly do therapy. It makes me angry that lots of insurance companies have such limited coverage of psychotherapy. I have good insurance that covers mine, now, but I have a friend who told me that her insurance limits her to ten sessions a year. TEN SESSIONS?!? That might be helpful if you're dealing with an acute relationship or work problem, but it's not helpful if, as she said, you're dealing with LIFE. :dont:

Anyway, yeah. We've got common ground in that I agree that there needs to be more coverage of psychotherapy. :yes: :yes: :yes:
 

Abstract Thinker

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Please know that I don't mind the derail at all. In fact, I'm glad of it... I've had enough attention to last me for a while. :huh:

Please, continue discussing psychiatry, psychology, healthcare issues, and the like. I'm about to utilize those services for the first time ever, and I'll take all the info and opinions I can get.

* fades off into the background * :headphne:
 

runvardh

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Actually, I'm reminded of a cousin who has attention deficit so bad that he can't function with out the meds, but we've also found that weed does an even better job. So glad I'm not that extreme.
 

Lady_X

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I actually envy those of you on here who question your type. Those questions come from being balanced in some ways I think. Me? I'm the INFP poster child. No balance at all.

It hurts, how much I feel. And it scares me, how trippy my inner life is. And it causes me life problems, how "flexible" I am with time and plans. And although I'm very good socially (charming as can be), I so look forward to coming back to my "cave" and being alone for hours on end. I visualize it as a little slice of heaven as I'm walking through the city to my apartment, and I imagine what it will look like this time, how its vibe will be affected by what I was just doing and where I just was. And then I open the door, and I'm home, and it's so me, and it's not affected at all. And all the stress just falls away.

Today, I'm sitting here watching "Something the Lord Made," and I've been crying about every five minutes, in part because of the amazing medical advancements this movie documents, but mostly because of Mos Def's incredible performance. I love his acting. I'd watch him in anything. And "Sixteen Blocks," have you seen him in that? OMG. Seeing this kind of brilliance beaks my heart in the best way. :wubbie:

And yesterday, I saw a guy running with his gorgeous Golden Retriever, and that dog was so happy, nipping at his master's hand in a playful way, and I swear, that dog was smiling. And yes, I cried, right there in the middle of busy midtown DC. Had to pause for a while and regroup just so I could go back upstairs and get back to work.

I just got a text from my best friend on the other side of the country. He actually texted me while working out to tell me that my music is inspiring his workout, and he can't wait for me to write some more.

And I got an email from another great friend first thing this morning, who said he's sad about my recent panic attacks, and that he loves me, and that he is my "brother."

And I got a text from my beautiful and wonderful ex-wife about an hour ago, telling me she's sitting on a beach, thinking about me, listening to Bob Marley, and she told me she loves me and that "every little thing is gonna be alright."

Did these messages make me happy? Of course. I'm so lucky to be so loved, and I would kill or die without pause for any of these people. But mainly these messages just made me cry, and deeply. Why? Who knows? :shock:

God it hurts being this INFP. I feel doomed to feel so much, and it makes my heart literally hurt every single day, but listen: I wouldn't trade it for the world. Conflicted? You betcha.

So tonight I will probably do several different drugs, and get higher than I've ever been... again. Why? To escape myself, to escape this pain, and to take the trip even deeper. And I know I'll feel something new tonight while I'm high. And as much as all this feeling hurts, I need new feelings and emotions all the time, just to keep me going.

God I'm a mess. :huh:
wow...how very interesting. thanks for sharing.
 

skylights

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OK I understand your point about my post being irresponsible, as it is it just a personal opinion, and normally I qualify that fact when I express it.
Again I will reiterate that AT and I were also conversing behind the scenes of this thread but pertaining to it. Some of that just spilled out into the public eye.
I am sorry You feel offended, I am sorry I took offense.

Perhaps as a Canadian, I am simply frustrated with Psychiatry being covered by public health insurnace and Psychology, not.
I know a few too many people who need support, counseling and emotional help.. not drugs.
In this country, despite our advancements is some areas, in others it feels like we are living in the stone age.

haha, that's ok, i did totally butt in.

anyway i totally agree, that is stupid. i'm from the states and i know that our coverage is really complicated (at least in my state) and massively spotty, both for psychiatry and psychology, even more so for psychology. psychology coverage often totally depends on what the psychologist is doing, like - possibly cognitive-behavioral is covered, but there's no guarantee.

and we just got public health insurance, talk about the stone age :doh:
 
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