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  1. #31
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    I've more been working on embracing the pain that comes, but not seeking more than comes naturally. Pain reminds me I'm alive and since I'm alive I still have the ability to change things; but pain is not something I enjoy, it just is. A reminder of the good, a reminder of the bad, the lessons from both - pain just is. At least, that's what I tell myself these days.

    I can't drink when things are getting to me. The alcohol tastes more bitter, more vile; disgusting on my tongue that I would wretch and spit it out. I don't get how it can be comfort in bad times, only it's own joy as the music plays. Drugs are wastes of money doing little better than a quiet room with headphones on blasting euro, dance, classical, baroque, romantic, metal, and jazz into the deepest recesses of my mind. My vice is inaction, my vice is a void, a void I weep over within yet cannot fill. Substitutes always hurt more than the lack; fuck them all, let the dark silence be.

    Love, what is that? While bored scholars and jobless philosophers debate the thing to death how many bother with the experience? How long will I question whether I've felt it? How long will I question others feeling it towards me? And why do I cry when others express it to each other?
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

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  2. #32
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    double post
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  3. #33
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    I'm talking about taking it on a regular/daily basis. I would argue that anyone who does that with alcohol is also headed into dangerous territory. My feelings about both were not nearly as defined and strong but my experiences on an Indian reserve for five years, dealing with a boyfriend who I believe was a functioning alcoholic, having an alcoholic family member come to live with us, growing up with my cousins whose dad missed most of their growing up years because of alcohol, seeing a lot of friends going down the drug road in university and beyond, having a cousin that is waiting to get into rehab, getting to know a lot of transient people, street artists and street kids well through busking, and teaching a lot of kids who either were themselves coping by using drugs or their parents were has shaped my views on it.

  4. #34
    Senor Membrane
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    I'm talking about taking it on a regular/daily basis. I would argue that anyone who does that with alcohol is also headed into dangerous territory.
    Ah, ok then...

  5. #35
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    I'm talking about taking it on a regular/daily basis. I would argue that anyone who does that with alcohol is also headed into dangerous territory.
    You're making perfect sense to me, I was just commenting on myself based on the OP.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  6. #36
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Yeah, I know. Bad posting timing. Sorry!

  7. #37
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Yeah, I know. Bad posting timing. Sorry!
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  8. #38
    Senior Member Abstract Thinker's Avatar
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    @ fidelia -- I very much respect your opinion and I'm very happy that you are participating in this thread. I know I could learn a lot from you.

    And I'm sure you're right. I guess I should have qualified the "good drug, bad drug" thing by saying, if you choose to use them, they roughly fall into that category. Didn't mean to imply that the "good" drugs are good relative to no drugs at all. I would never be that bold based on my complete lack of psychological experience or training. Make sense?

    This all being from personal experience, and just my opinion, but the thing about me is, I've been self-medicating for 30 years. I'm 46 now, and in my late teens and twenties, it was just weed, and the occasional shroom trip. Then in my 30s I found coke. Then in my late 30s, moved on to the "bad" drugs as I called them. And of course, that's when the trouble started.

    Lately though, it's just been occasional weed, very occasional shroom trip, and a pill (Ecstasy) here or there. Gave up the hard stuff a little over a year ago. And I'm proud to say, I did it cold turkey. No jail, no hospital, no therapy. Just a wonderful family and a bunch of close friends... priceless.

    As I mentioned in this thread earlier, I am going to seek professional help for the first time, not for the drugs, but for the depression that I've recently accepted is present in my life.

    The funny thing is, I am very hesitant to get on anti-depressants. Odd, I know, but I think I might want to try "life in the raw" for a while, and see what I'm like completely clean. It could be monumental. Although I have to say, I'll probably always smoke a little weed, just for the imagination lubrication, and how it makes music sound so good.

    So, what's your opinion about therapy plus meds, vs. therapy alone? I'll need the Klonopin for a while at least, for the anxiety... but maybe if I get completely clean, I won't need them? Although I suspect that my cigarette smoking and my intense desire to quit that too, is a big part of my anxiety. Although I recently got a clean bill of health, I can feel the smokes killing me.

    Really interested to hear your opinion if you have the time.

  9. #39
    Senor Membrane
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    Quote Originally Posted by Abstract Thinker View Post
    The funny thing is, I am very hesitant to get on anti-depressants. Odd, I know, but I think I might want to try "life in the raw" for a while, and see what I'm like completely clean. It could be monumental.
    Did you notice that there was a thread here somewhere about scientists who claim that depression is genetic adaptation, not a mistake? That is a strong case against anti-depressants, I think.

  10. #40
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    Don't let my futures bosses see this post...

    Stay away from the (SSRIs), and serotonin-norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors.
    Prozac and the next generations..

    If you want to try an anti depressant that works.. Take St John's Wort.

    After a week or so it will really help with sleep. It will also help with depression,

    Sadly, it will also numb all your other emotions too. (which is why I eventually stopped)

    If you quit drugs, It will help regulate that as well.
    If you are a daily weed smoker and you lay off that.. Be prepared for a few things.

    The Nightmares. apparently weed keeps us from REM sleep. so although we dream.. we don't have REM induced dreams. Quitting weed allows this action to take place. However it's like it has been saving the dreams over your life time of pot smoking and they are coming with a vengeance.
    They are vivid, intense and very emotional. In my case, rather Intuitive.

    Clear thoughts.. you have no idea how clouded they are.

    Being bored and uninspired... not sure how much of that was The St John's Wort and how much was no weed.

    Good luck with this AT.

    Stay away from MDs .. Go find a counselor or a Psychologist .. Psychiatrists are just drug pushers themselves in their own way and do not seek cure of the core problem, rather only to cure the symptoms.

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