*this is a bit long winded, I apologize in advance*
To set the stage, I am a ESFJ female (33 y/o) that is dating an INFJ male (40 y/o). We have been dating for 6 months, and there are a few things that I am really 'stuck' on, that I would REALLY appreciate some insight on.
First off, he is a to-the-letter INFJ, there is no variable there. My Dad is also a strong INFJ, so I am very used to the personality type, but naturally it's different in a relationship standpoint. Also, my Dad married young and has been happily married for 34 years, whereas my BF married young and had a terrible marriage. She lied, cheated, was addicted to drugs . . the works. This is understandably damaging, especially to an INFJ
On the positive side, he has 'let me in' as far as telling me about a lot of things that no one else knows. Personal, deep feelings/ hurts, that I know are precious to share. Also, he has a daughter that is his 'world' (like really, she is the center of his universe) and I am freely allowed around her. And I know I am only the second woman to have ever done that, in the years since his divorce.
Also, when we are around his family (i.e. parents and kids) he acts more like a 'boyfriend' than he does any other time. He stays around me constantly, always sits beside me, keeps me involved, etc.
The MAIN issue is, that he doesn't encourage any kind of "touch" It's embarrassing to say, but in 6 months we have never kissed, cuddled, or even really held hands for an extended period! I am aware that his body language is slowly changing around me (i.e. arms not folded, leg stance wider and more inviting) but come on!! I honestly wonder if perhaps I am simply not attractive to him.
Don't get me wrong, our interaction is definitely relationship oriented, but we still have never had the bf/gf exclusive talk. Also, some things he does I don't understand. For example, I know (or at least think) with his personality type and very conservative nature that he wouldn't date several women at once. And logically with his lifestyle, he couldn't be doing that anyway. But, it was 4 months until he pulled down his dating profile (we met online) and just recently he revived an old facebook account that he swore he never was on, and hasn't added me as a friend. And he listed his 'interests' as dating/relationships
All this serves to make me very insecure with him. I have no idea where I stand.
There are some things we are slowly working out. I have realized that my need for 'constant' contact has to be tempered, and he has made a real effort to at least let me know he's okay, on those days when he is just feeling 'to himself'.
Anyway, I am looking for some insight on this current 'hands off' policy. TBH, it's driving me nuts.
**I will include here that we are both strong Christians, so it's not like either one of us would be hopping in the sack on the second date or anything . . .
SoftSpoken but Heartbroken
edit in~ I did start a thread like this on personality cafe a bit ago . . . so if that is crossing any lines, I apologize