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[INFP] Changing for the Worse

Arclight

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Been there, done that. Except for the manipulation part. I believe it is a form of depression.

It took me two years to get in and out of that phase.

What is now left of that phase is total lack of empathy towards everything and everyone, and a shot long-term and short-term memory.

I agree with this post.

It sounds like the OP is very depressed.

Sometimes people think because they are now coping much better after a heartbreak or a series of them, that they are no longer depressed. Really, it's just the intensity and focus of the depression that has changed.
It's prudent to know the difference.
 

angell_m

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I'm not going to say it is, but IF it is...

You may not even know that it is depression. You may think that you have lost- or is about to lose your empathetic side. But that intense empathy within you will always be there in the back of your mind. And working against it, forcing yourself not to feel empathy, is the same as working against your own values/principles. Which may lead you to feel empty, which may lead you to feel lost, which in the end may lead you to feel completely deprived of worth.

The only way I found myself out of there was, well, limerence. And that is not easy to find being asocial; lingering on what could have been, and imagining future possibilities without acting upon them.

[YOUTUBE=GIzDsGyxsQM]Through Glass by Stone Sour[/YOUTUBE]
 

Thessaly

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Why?

Another question to ask yourself: is there anything POSITIVE you have observed from the recent changes?

I'm not as sensitive as I used to be. I haven't wasted energy on another person that didn't earn my care hardcore. I've begun taking responsibility for my talents and aspirations. Overall I'm a tougher more mature person, but find myself missing my surplus of warmth. I do consider myself a misanthrope at times.
 

Thessaly

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Hey. I'm an infp too and I have gone through this before. It has been tied to carrying anger, so that when the anger died down, the defensiveness and meanness did too. So it might not be a permanant thing. I get that way when I have been slammed and I need room to stand up and move. I usually get back around to being as sweet and naive as ever!

I do find I am rather angry. I'm not used to being angry. If I ever felt a negative emotion previously it was usually sadness. Now I seem to default to anger. However, I have read that depression is just self directed anger so maybe both those theories here have some truth.

I used to enjoy a bit of anger because it's energizing unlike sadness and tends to lead to interesting changes, but now it's getting old.
 

Thessaly

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perhaps you should very consciously allow yourself to feel? Open yourself to emotion? I dunno...I am not an INFP so just guessing.

That's the problem. I am incapable of being open and soft (my old self). Even with my closest and most dear loved ones I have a small wall up. I'm greatly lacking vulnerability. I'm an impenetrable force. On the plus side though I don't really get hurt. I don't really cry or find myself sad over anyone. I don't find myself excited over anyone either.
 

Arclight

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Feeling down from time to time is a normal part of life. But when emptiness and despair take hold and won't go away, it may be depression. More than just the temporary "blues," the lows of depression make it tough to function and enjoy life like you once did. Hobbies and friends don’t interest you like they used to; you’re exhausted all the time; and just getting through the day can be overwhelming. When you’re depressed, things may feel hopeless,

Source:Understanding Depression: Signs, Symptoms, Causes, and Help
 

Thessaly

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Oh, one more thing to add. It might also be you discovering/refining your boundaries. When you say you are being meaner, do you mean without any provocation or is it when pushing back at someone?

There's probably been provocation at some point. I think it's just more natural for me at this point to communicate with people in a cold manner. I'm sort of cruel to be kind I guess. I mean well most of the time. I'm sort of like House to give you an idea of how I act.

thanks everyone for your replies btw. appreciated.
 

Thessaly

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Feeling down from time to time is a normal part of life. But when emptiness and despair take hold and won't go away, it may be depression. More than just the temporary "blues," the lows of depression make it tough to function and enjoy life like you once did. Hobbies and friends don’t interest you like they used to; you’re exhausted all the time; and just getting through the day can be overwhelming. When you’re depressed, things may feel hopeless,

Source:Understanding Depression: Signs, Symptoms, Causes, and Help

I may be mildly depressed. I don't feel sad so it's hard to say. I just don't like the people around me or people in general.
 

Snuggletron

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At the beginning of the year I noticed a change in my personality.

I'm basically meaner than I use to be. I have a deficit of empathy for those around me and am a lot more interested in manipulating people than I used to be.

I think it was a series of heart break that hardened me. I'm not sure.

I want to be the unguarded, soft, naive INFP I used to be. I don't think that's possible though. Or is it?

a necessary change, I think. Probably just projecting back outwards the reflection you perceived that the world has placed into you.

momma sed you caint be a doe-eyed INFP forever :nono:
 

Thessaly

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a necessary change, I think. Probably just projecting back outwards the reflection you perceived that the world has placed into you.

momma sed you caint be a doe-eyed INFP forever :nono:

momma probably hasn't met my 39 year old doe-eyed INFP friend ;)
 
R

ReflecTcelfeR

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I...can't...tell... if you got the reference, or not... I don't think, I don't think you did. It's alright though, we'll just move on.
 
G

Glycerine

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I have a strong feeling that pretty much everyone goes through that but the key is not to let it get you down. It is what we usually call "the harsh realities of life" or an "epiphany" - a sudden and usually painful realization.

I had a 40+ INFP imply that happiness is a false hope that people aim for and that people were mostly meant to suffer. I'm pretty sure he let life get him down.
 

seamaid

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I know how you feel! I think an INFP experiencing their first relationship is like the most beautiful, generous, innocent, heartfelt and sincere thing in the world. It's truly a priceless gift. And sadly, the people we often end up giving it to are not worth it at all (our judgment of other people is not so great when we're naive... or too quick to fall in love). In a sense, our ideals get emotionally raped (sorry for the harsh description). No wonder you are bitter and jaded.

I was the same way after my first bf effectively ended the relationship by cheating on me. I was so angry I tried to turn into some variety of punk or goth, wearing only black and leather and dyeing my hair red. I grew out of that phase but the hard feelings of disappointment and deep underlying sense of mistrust and cynicism lingered. It's still there. My current SO is faithful and principled. He has given me no reason to mistrust him. Intellectually I know he would not hurt me. But I'm never "all in" now. It's too scary to have complete faith in someone. I come off to him sometimes as too paranoid or suspicious, but my walls of defense are on hair trigger alert at the slightest hint of something "off".

Unlike my previous self, if my current beau betrays me, I wouldn't think twice about leaving him in the dust. Like a porcelain vase that's been broken before, my heart would shatter easily at the existing fault lines and I'd be faster than ever at piecing it back together with hardly a tear. It just wouldn't hurt as much as it did that first time, when I couldn't even fathom that someone could break something so beautiful.

But... at the same time, it IS possible to fall quite deeply in love with someone new and trust them to a large degree (it might take a while to get to that point tho). This someone might actually value what you have together and handle the relationship thoughtfully and carefully. After enough observation, you'll see that this person deserves your whole love and your whole trust. I'm not quite there yet, but the fact that I'm hoping it will happen is a sign that my original, pure, INFP capacity to love isn't utterly destroyed. I hope that you too will start to see the light again, Thessaly. I'm sure what you have to give is much too amazing to be locked away inside. Just be more careful with it.
 

Thessaly

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I...can't...tell... if you got the reference, or not... I don't think, I don't think you did. It's alright though, we'll just move on.

Yeah...I'm not really a Star Wars fan. Star Trek maybe. Star Wars? No.
 

Thessaly

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seamaid I was tarnished by love long ago...

but thank-you for your kind words.
 

William K

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There's probably been provocation at some point. I think it's just more natural for me at this point to communicate with people in a cold manner. I'm sort of cruel to be kind I guess. I mean well most of the time. I'm sort of like House to give you an idea of how I act.

Ok, are you cold and mean to everyone, or do you still have some very close friends with whom you can still be who you were before? Or at least friends you have no problem sharing your feelings and thoughts with. If there are, ask them if they have noticed the change in you and whether they prefer the old or new you.
 
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