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  1. #11
    Junior Member Loliz's Avatar
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    Hey. I'm an infp too and I have gone through this before. It has been tied to carrying anger, so that when the anger died down, the defensiveness and meanness did too. So it might not be a permanant thing. I get that way when I have been slammed and I need room to stand up and move. I usually get back around to being as sweet and naive as ever!

  2. #12
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    perhaps you should very consciously allow yourself to feel? Open yourself to emotion? I dunno...I am not an INFP so just guessing.

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thessaly View Post
    At the beginning of the year I noticed a change in my personality.

    I'm basically meaner than I use to be. I have a deficit of empathy for those around me and am a lot more interested in manipulating people than I used to be.

    I think it was a series of heart break that hardened me. I'm not sure.

    I want to be the unguarded, soft, naive INFP I used to be. I don't think that's possible though. Or is it?
    Been there, done that. Except for the manipulation part. I believe it is a form of depression.

    It took me two years to get in and out of that phase.

    What is now left of that phase is total lack of empathy towards everything and everyone, and a shot long-term and short-term memory.

  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by ReflecttcelfeR View Post
    Amnesia is the only way to start over on your personality.
    Agreed.

  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Orobas View Post
    perhaps you should very consciously allow yourself to feel? Open yourself to emotion? I dunno...I am not an INFP so just guessing.
    The problem is, empathy is still there, and it is very active in the back of the mind. Constantly setting oneselves in other's perspective, but in that phase don't feel the need to reassure the ones you feel empathy for. Don't feel like comforting, helping, or be nice to them. Don't feel like hurting them either. Just, total lack of empathy for everything. "Oh look, I pee'd on the floor. Oh well, who cares. Life has no purpose anyway."

    It's like being on valium, but not getting enough valium.

  6. #16
    Member EnflamedHeartofSand's Avatar
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    I think we sometimes like to latch on to anger and hatred because it gives us some immediate sense of purpose and strength. There is energy I can derive from feeling like I hate certain aspects of my environment, or certain people. I feel like there is a purpose to move forward in a clear direction. Deep down though, we know that it's a lost cause because we will eventually have tougher choices to make when we get to a crucial point that the anger will necessarily perpetuate. We will have to act out that anger or hatred in a way, we are either afraid to, or it is socially unacceptable to, or may not want to because we have the fear of God working in us. Whatever the reasons, deep down we know that the energy and purpose we get from our negative disposition is a road we don't want to go down...but it feels so good in the present moment to have that power, that control...that we like to indulge it and use it to feel confident and certain.

    This won't last and we know it.......so I'd say it is just a phase, and it is important to remember the big picture in times like these so that you don't have to drive yourself too far in a direction your heart knows it doesn't want to go...even though it feels really good sometimes.

  7. #17
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    You can't un-know stuff, meaning you can't really go back to a point of naivete and innocence. But you can choose how you react to things. If you want to, you can choose not to be cynical or bitter. You can choose to continue to see the good in people.

    INFPs do seem to have a tendency to get bitter when their ideals are shattered or their faith in humanity is breached. Try to resist the urge to see a few bad experiences as indicative of all of the world. Understand there will be some bad, rude or manipulative people out there, but there will also be kind, loving and honest people, too. Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. The more bitter you become, the more you view the world through that lens, and then you can't see the good anymore.
    That's easy to logically see but very difficult to process, specially if one's identity ARE one's values.

  8. #18
    Uniqueorn William K's Avatar
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    Think of it like a pendulum. Before you were on one end of the extreme and now you have swung to the cynical end of it. And chances are your thoughts will continue to oscillate that way the rest of your life. But as has been said, your thoughts are only part of the equation. It is how you act/react in a given situation that is perhaps more important. I'm cynical about a lot of stuff, but I'm also optimistic about a lot of stuff too. Balance is the key.
    4w5, Fi>Ne>Ti>Si>Ni>Fe>Te>Se, sp > so > sx

    appreciates being appreciated, conflicted over conflicts, afraid of being afraid, bad at being bad, predictably unpredictable, consistently inconsistent, remarkably unremarkable...

    I may not agree with what you are feeling, but I will defend to death your right to have a good cry over it

    The whole problem with the world is that fools & fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts. ~ Bertrand Russell

  9. #19
    Uniqueorn William K's Avatar
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    Oh, one more thing to add. It might also be you discovering/refining your boundaries. When you say you are being meaner, do you mean without any provocation or is it when pushing back at someone?
    4w5, Fi>Ne>Ti>Si>Ni>Fe>Te>Se, sp > so > sx

    appreciates being appreciated, conflicted over conflicts, afraid of being afraid, bad at being bad, predictably unpredictable, consistently inconsistent, remarkably unremarkable...

    I may not agree with what you are feeling, but I will defend to death your right to have a good cry over it

    The whole problem with the world is that fools & fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts. ~ Bertrand Russell

  10. #20
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    I've managed to get over the manipulative part after realizing I didn't need it when I wasn't dealing with my mother. Cold and mean, on the other hand, I suppose I've kept those as barriers where the neutral person sees the mask of no body, on approach they see the mask of the bear. After getting past the barrier they typically get a slightly warmer me, but are also made sure to remember if they cause trouble the bear is still there.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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