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[ENFP] Common ENFP issues

CzeCze

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INTPCentral was that bad huh?

:hugs: to AnimeneGai
 

Vamp

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INTPCentral was that bad huh?

I've been there. It was like a whole forum of nothing but brow beating. Of course it would be that way with exclusive type focus.
 

Elfboy

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I can relate to many of the misunderstandings about ENFPs
1)doesn't care about others: SUCH a misunderstanding. ENFPs want to get close to people and experience things personally. they want to talk about the more important things in life like personal growth and understanding people on a deeper level, however, people are usually unwilling to talk about themselves. if anything, I would rather have someone talk about themselves for an hour and me help them sort things out and really understand themselves. ideally tho, both is best. personally, I am considered selfish because I think that personal sacrifice is usually extremely stupid and find win/win situations.
2) making excuses: ENFPs are making excuses, we're trying to present the entire picture of what happened, why and how they think the situation can be prevented in the future. at that point, we want feedback and any other information that the person we're apologizing has
3) not willing to apologize: this is partially true. ENFPs don't tend to apologize if they don't feel they've done something wrong. however, we are more than willing to listen if someone thinks we should apologize, and if we believe that we have actually done something wrong, we will apologize (I apologize a lot, but more different things than most people)
4) wear hearts on sleeve: ENFPs are actually quite rational most of the time, they are perceived incorrectly because they know how to use feeling in a rational. for instance, I know a lot of Ts who are so objective that it makes them less rational. ENFPs know the limits of what can be measured and usually require more than just straight data to be convinced of anything
5) attention whore: actually, we are more annoyed by some of the attention we get than most people are giving it. ENFPs (especially males) who are confident exhibit a kind of charisma that draws a lot of people in, however, most people can't handle it for large periods of time.
6) wanting to impress people: this one is also partially true, but the main goal is to SHOCK people (especially ENFPs who are 4w3 on the Enneagram),


perceived ENFP tendencies that are actually true
1) weird: let's face it, in a world were 75-85% of people are S and about 50% are SJs, ENFPs are just crazier than everyone else, a fact that most of us will attest to unapologetically. NF males are also particularly misunderstood because NFs are rare to begin with, but 3/4 of them are women (ENFP males are about 3-4% of the population, ENFJs 2%, INFPs 1% and INFJ 0.5%!). I didn't really understand social skills until right before senior of high school.
2) overly idealistic: yes, it's true =(
3) disregard for authority: damn straight =) there is nothing an ENFP hates more than being controlled or told to do something that doesn't make sense. ENFPs tend to make a decision on what to do something like this
-understand the situation
-figuring out the problem
-weighing the effectiveness of multiple solutions
-weighing the effort of multiple solutions (if a solution presents almost as good results with far less work, we're down)
-weighing the moral aspects of multiple solutions (this is not the least important, we just usually do this last because the action must be understood completely before in can be judged as good or bad)
this process for us usually takes about 5 seconds, but can take up to a few hours
4) diva-ish: yep, this one is also true
5) horrible with details: yes it's true. I for one appreciate other people who are good with details because I suck with them
6) irresponsible: mostly true. not all ENFPs are irresponsible, but responsability is not a trait that comes naturally to most of us.

top 10 things an ENFP hates
10) shallow people
9) fake people
8) unintelligent people
7) close minded people
6) anyone who tells us what to do
5) people who guilt trip
4) people who lack integrity and values
3) bureacracy
2) controlling people
1) bullies and tyrants
 

HotpinkHeatwave

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The misconceptions that people have about ENFPs are absolutely horrible, and make me ashamed to be one.

I don't wear my heart on my sleeve. I am not emotional. I rarely share how I feel.
I care more about anyone else than myself.
I don't make excuses. If I've messed up, I'll admit it. I will apologize. It would be childish not to do either.
Attention whore? No. I don't like attention.
 

Savage Idealist

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I suppose one (although probably already mentioned) common ENFP issue is, at least to a slight degree, a will to impulsivness; for example I got the sudden urge to write this without hesitation, and without reading the first 41 pages to see if anyone had already posted such an issue.

Also everything that Elfboy said.
 

skylights

i love
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^^ :laugh:

sooo i met up a couple days ago with a friend who apparently has typed herself ENFP... i would probably agree with that typing, but i really got frustrated with her! you know how there's usually that pleasant easy NFP-NFP connection? not this time...

first of all, she talked as if she was explaining things to me the whole time (i think mostly she was giving reasons for her thoughts... but... it came off as a lecture because it was very one-sided, and she "explained" a lot of things i knew a good deal about already, like psychological disorders), and she insulted things i am loyal to quite a lot without really thinking about the implications of her words. she spoke for a while about how she was a minority thanks to her newfound sexual orientation, and how different that feels, and was very proud of her "highly accurate gaydar". and yet she didn't appear to consider my personal sexual orientation (not as straight as she assumes, so much for the gaydar). it was really surprising how much she didn't take me into account - it was more like she was talking at me than to me, much less with me. and then when i wasn't necessarily responsive, she would encourage me, but into doing things that she had decided we should do.

i just... ugh got so tired of trying to defend things! and then she would brush off my defense as if she wasn't really making an affront. it'd be like "well i don't really like ____ group of people, for example ____ person (a good friend of mine) because _______." apparently she can't stand people who are "goody-two-shoes" like the friends i tend to hang out with. so she hangs with the druggies instead. and you know? that's fine. but quit insulting my friends
Emoticon-_Domo.gif


anyway. i don't know exactly what this was... just a poor personality matchup or what. in any case my point being that it was very surprising and unsettling to run across a person i felt so uncomfortable with and discover they are an ENFP.

i mean, is this really what it feels like to be on the wrong end of an ENFP? :blink:
 

stalemate

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she spoke for a while about how she was a minority thanks to her newfound sexual orientation, and how different that feels, and was very proud of her "highly accurate gaydar". and yet she didn't appear to consider my personal sexual orientation (not as straight as she assumes, so much for the gaydar). it was really surprising how much she didn't take me into account - it was more like she was talking at me than to me, much less with me. and then when i wasn't necessarily responsive, she would encourage me, but into doing things that she had decided we should do.
Are you a woman? You should totally hit on her just to see what happens. It would really shake up her world, I am guessing.

Am I mean?

:tongue:
 

stalemate

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i just... ugh got so tired of trying to defend things! and then she would brush off my defense as if she wasn't really making an affront. it'd be like "well i don't really like ____ group of people, for example ____ person (a good friend of mine) because _______." apparently she can't stand people who are "goody-two-shoes" like the friends i tend to hang out with. so she hangs with the druggies instead. and you know? that's fine. but quit insulting my friends
Emoticon-_Domo.gif
I've probably been guilty of this type of exchange to some degree. I will be giving off a negativity about a certain thing that is actually something the other person likes or care about. I don't do it if I know what I'm doing though...
 

LotsOfHeart

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I read the whole original post. My response to ENFPs is as follows:

:wubbie:
 

skylights

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Are you a woman? You should totally hit on her just to see what happens. It would really shake up her world, I am guessing.

i would, if it wouldn't throw her into severe emotional turmoil... she's coming out of a relationship ending, but it'd be a funny idea otherwise :laugh: if we ever happen to be around one another in the future, though, i do totally plan to drop a comment about some chick being hot and then delighting in her surprise.

I've probably been guilty of this type of exchange to some degree. I will be giving off a negativity about a certain thing that is actually something the other person likes or care about. I don't do it if I know what I'm doing though...

right, exactly. it was just stunning because i voiced how proud of / attached to my school i was, and yet she went ahead with the blanket criticisms anyway. i still don't know what to say. i think she got the message of not wanting to hang out anymore, though, because she hasn't contacted me since.

it kind of makes me cringe when she posts her little quizzes that turn her up as ENFP on facebook though. i want to be like, stop giving my type a bad name! :tongue10:
 

Thalassa

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Re: crude and insensitive

If I allow myself to remember being a child - really remember - I have recollections of instigating my friends into performing a strip tease show at a slumber party when I was in the 4th grade. I also remember going to church youth groups a lot in middle school, where I'm quite certain I was perceived as being somewhat obnoxious for my CONSTANT giggling and overly-honest ideas and opinions thrown out to see how people would respond to them. I remember some of my more serious or conservative female friends finding me slightly embarrassing even before I was in high school, though I honestly wasn't very physically adventurous and didn't participate in any rough housing...it was mainly my mouth. People told me I laughed or talked too loud well into my early twenties, and I remember being quite shocked one day at lunch when a girl amongst my circle of friends in high school referred to me as "Hitler" and I honestly didn't know why she said it. Of course, now that I'm adult I can see how overbearingly opinionated I can be and have learned to curb it some and choose my battles.

I think I've learned more and more Fe as I've aged, especially after developing natural Fi self-awareness, and sometimes I forget that.
 

Thalassa

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Yes, I do think this is what it feels like to be on the wrong end of an ENFP. I think ENFPs can very much "talk at" people and overexplain things.

Sounds like she's just still immature with her Fi so felt no problem at all with airing her strong opinions at you even when you obviously disagreed and felt personally offended.

I don't know that being the same personality type is a guarentee that two people will get along. In fact, in some cases it might cause them to clash more if they see their own flaws in you and vice versa. Or like if you're both strongly, passionately opinionated people and your values differ.

The sister I have the most conflict with is an ExFP. She tests ENFP but could be ESFP, in my opinion. But the shared Fi/Te judging functions, Pe dom, and ExxP interaction style are readily apparent.
 
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uumlau

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Yes, I do think this is what it feels like to be on the wrong end of an ENFP. I think ENFPs can very much "talk at" people and overexplain things.

Sounds like she's just still immature with her Fi so felt no problem at all with airing her strong opinions at you even when you obviously disagreed and felt personally offended.

I don't know that being the same personality type is a guarentee that two people will get along. In fact, in some cases it might cause them to clash more if they see their own flaws in you and vice versa. Or like if you're both strongly, passionately opinionated people and your values differ.

The sister I have the most conflict with is an ExFP. She tests ENFP but could be ESFP, in my opinion. But the shared Fi/Te judging functions, Pe dom, and ExxP interaction style are readily apparent.

Having the same, or even "compatible" (INTJ/ENFP) personality types is no guarantee of getting along.

Values matter a lot. I married an ESFJ with whom I shared many values. We were so compatible in that regard that it hid the underlying personality clashes for several years.

An analogy would be one's work/management style as compared to skill set and industry. You can match the job with respect to skill set and industry, and even get hired on that basis. This is analogous to the shared values. But even as you match in that regard, your work style (analogous to personality type) may not mesh well with that of your employer, making keeping the job difficult. The reverse case usually isn't so obvious, since we usually use objective things (like skill sets or shared values) to initiate relationships, and we tend only to discover the style/personality differences after prolonged exposure.

FWIW, the first ENFP I ever met (knowingly) was the one who first identified me as an INTJ. We even went on a date, at which point it became glaringly obvious that we really didn't have much in common.
 

off_janeva

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You know, I hope this site can expose me to ENFPs that I can coexist with (So far, from these posts, I'm finding a lot to like:])

I was really close with an ENFP and her and I were almost telepathic, always responding to her thoughts, as if they were written on her forehead, but as time went on, I started noticing that we were different in a fundamental level. I was a bit more mature, and my manipulating tendencies were grown out of, but she had not become as self-aware. She would constantly try to manipulate me into taking over the world. I admittedly went along for the ride temporarily, out of emotional derailment (She and I felt we were soulmates). We could get anything we wanted without ever asking for it, but it came to a head when she wanted me to mainpulate a friend into buying us a hamburger. I told her, enough is enough, I'm not going to manipulate my friends like that. See previously, we had alway hung out with HER friends, so I was - to be honest - less thoughtful. I know it was still wrong, now, but anyway. It came down to manipulating one of my own friends, and I stopped her. She was angry with me, and when she realized that I was too aware to be manipulated, she moved on, and though we didn't remain friends, we maintained a mutual respect that I still don't share with anyone else.

Anyway, I guess my point is: In my own experience, I've only found that ENFPs will often try to 'outperform' eachother and seem to develop a "there can only be one" kind of relationship, sometimes with no rational reasons, at all.

So you guys, show me that we aren't all a-holes!

/endrant
 
G

Glycerine

Guest
"Bad listeners" but other than that, they are pretty cool. They will listen for a minute and then jump to several unfounded conclusions due to projection and minimal efforts to clarify what the other person saying before responding (this can come off as very judgmental). Also, talking over people in a group setting is kind of annoying.
 

Thalassa

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Love/hate INTJs intermittently, sometimes concurrently.
 
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