One thing I feel compelled to point out about those who don't like dating their own type or their own quad - it's as much and really more about your own self than a critique of the type as a whole. I think it's funny when I hear NFs say that "other" NFs are overly emotional or wussy or whatnot. Most of the time? Untrue.
Rather it's that you as an NF are emotional and that's why you want or need someone to *balance* that. Which makes sense. Or you want a partner that will allow
you to be as emotional and NF-ish as you want to be. Again, this makes sense. People generally want partners who will balance them and also support them.
However, I don't think ^^ should come with any attitudes or ideas of being superior to other NF's. What all that ^^ breaks down to is that you yourself cannot provide enough grounding or support for another NF and you especially do not want to lose your place as the one who gets the attention and affirmation for being emotional and sensitive. You are basically being selfish and saying "I'm the only one with permission to be [NF], if someone else does it, they are clingy/annoying/etc." --> Again, not normal human desires and goals for dating and partnership. "I'll be selfish this way, and I'll be selfless this way - this is how we'll find balance"
However, masking it under the guise that you are a more well developed NF and therefore have moved beyond dating other NF's is totally disengenuous. "Other NFs don't float my boat" is one thing, but sometimes I hear a tone of derision (?) superiority (?) from NF's when it comes to other NF's. This is like the opposite of the phenomena of people who state a preference for NTs or SJs because they go the other extreme of saying they are "too NF" (and all NF's are 'too NF') to the point of being almost helpless in some areas and they need the guidance and support of another type.
The tone of superiority is kinda like "oh,
those NFs are so overly sensitive and emotional, whereas I'm too rational to deal with them, that's why I need another type". I would say most of the time that statement is untrue. When you hate on your own type, you're really just hating on yourself. Instead of pretending you aren't something, or aren't as XYZ as you're supposed to be, it's better to embrace it. It also puts you in a better place to find a partner who truly completes/complements who you are instead of a partner who supports your own ego ideal of who you would LIKE to be.
I remember dating an INFP who was pretty nutty and Fi crazy herself and she would act as if she were the rational one and she got so stressed out dating OTHER dramatic and emotional women.
I am probably the least selfish, drama prone person she has ever dated. Period. So it made me go :rolli: on the inside to hear that. Do I still date NFs? Yes.
Everyone has ideas and ideals of who they want to be and therefore who they should partner with. That's part of the human experience. I just think it's important to be really honest and accurate in your own self-assessment and figuring out the "whys" behind your preferences. You don't have to be into other NFs just because you are one yourself, and preferring to date an NT or SJ or SP is fine and dandy. It's the reasoning you give that is the real important stuff.
I'm not saying at all that most or even many members who've stated preferences for other quads or aversion to dating other NF's has been disingenuous or misguided in their reasoning, but yes it does happen.
good point. i google imaged them and it even looks like bright purple would fit in right along with their style.
. I didn't mean it the way it sounds. I truly believe that a healthy person of any type can date any other healthy person of any type. NF/NF doesn't work for me (or hasn't worked yet) because I can't feel the spark, but that's definitely not because I come from an enlightened place of elevated NF-dom or rationality or anything. Probably the opposite. The NFs I know are virtually never as sappy and wussy and soft as I can be. And I've actually never known a clingy one. I'm the one contributing most of the unclipped emotion I mentioned. But the NFs, with their quick facility with emotions, they do tend to make it more intense.
