• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[ENFP] Common ENFP issues

Joined
Oct 6, 2010
Messages
19
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
9
Attraction to very orderly structured stubborn SJs and robotic INTJs. Don't want schedules or other people to control me, yet have strong attraction to structure and dominance in men. Read murder mysteries for escape, think this is connected to attraction to order.

I've heard ENFPs are attracted to IxTJs. I just wonder if it's an ENFP thing or because I'm an E6. It seems almost non-sensical and paradoxical. It's been going on since my early 20's. I think I want someone to take care of me. This is bizarre since I usually rebel against other people's idea of structure.

It seems as though an ENFP would want to be with someone a little more loose and easy-going, but then again that makes me feel like I'd have to be the one in charge and I don't want that.

I think I need my head examined.

I have this problem too. >.< ...Right now I am in a relationship with an INTX, I can't figure out the J or P for the life of me...sometimes he acts really J, other times I look at how our house looks, and he must be a P. /shrug. Either way it's still related to that...I think I like having friends that are closer to my type (although the E and I factor doesn't matter to me), but when it comes to relationships, I have to have a common ground with them, at least something in common or our universal way of thinking, then everything else to be opposite. That's pretty much how my life has played out...I get crushes on other ENFPs or INFPs for example, but usually it doesn't go very far. Blah.

I'm not an E6, but I think I score a little high on it...I have gotten mixed results, I used to get 4 all the time, now I get 9...but either this is a coincidence between us two or it really is an ENFP-ish phenomena.
 

skylights

i love
Joined
Jul 6, 2010
Messages
7,756
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
Read murder mysteries for escape, think this is connected to attraction to order.

me too :D i can't stand those generic romance novels women are supposed to love. i like action. i mean, if there's a romance too, great, but i don't really need anymore feeeeelings. i get enough of that shit in my head already. my preferred genre is definitely ESTP, lol.

It seems as though an ENFP would want to be with someone a little more loose and easy-going, but then again that makes me feel like I'd have to be the one in charge and I don't want that.

nah, i dunno, i like my partner to be a little more structured than me. i can be in charge but don't really want to be, and i think it's nice to have someone along with you who almost always has a stable idea of what they want. and as long as they care about me sufficiently, their opinions and behavior will account for me too, so it's kind of a win-win. they get someone who will often go along with what they'd like, and i get someone who provides me with a safe arena to be my somewhat bouncy flouncy fluid self.

i guess being an e3 i should prefer to be in control, but it doesn't really work out that way. i do like someone to be approving of me, though. that matters a lot.

It's the security and confidence that does us in. For us, there are constantly numerous pathways to take and yet they seem so sure about that one pathway..And the way they explain it, it sounds very good, though a bit scary = adventure. Meanwhile we don't have to scout like a maniac and worry about which path to take. We can just go along for the ride. [...] So I have the creative freedom to do what I want within the boundaries they give me, which are wide enough for me to not feel caged while at the same time providing a sense of security as I only have to do the rabbit trick with minor stuff and I cannot fuck up anything big, since that's been taken care of with their preparation. It creates a safe haven where they are, which makes me wanna be there, regain my strenght, only to bolt back out the door and go play magician once more without feeling like frigging Atlas.

yup. well said. and ideally, when shit falls apart - if there's an emergency or something really stressful or totally unexpected, then i can pop back in and do chaos magic and navigate us through the rough patch, until my J (or Ti) partner is ready to take the wheel again.

IRight now I am in a relationship with an INTX, I can't figure out the J or P for the life of me...sometimes he acts really J, other times I look at how our house looks, and he must be a P. /shrug.

haha, i understand. i live with two INTPs, and they seem REALLY J sometimes, to the point that i used to occasionally wonder if the older one wasn't INTJ. but they're both SO strong on Ti that i'm sure they're INTP. the ways in which they're J tend to be that they don't like change, they're very meticulous with their personal belongings (though not necessarily organized), they are very opinionated about certain things, they hate being late, and are very direct. on the other hand, they leave stuff all over the house, don't usually have their papers organized, tend to forget little things, don't like leading, and don't like planning.

just thought it'd be interesting for you to hear for comparison's sake. :yes:
 

phoenix13

New member
Joined
Mar 31, 2008
Messages
1,293
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w8
I've heard ENFPs are attracted to IxTJs. I just wonder if it's an ENFP thing or because I'm an E6. It seems almost non-sensical and paradoxical. It's been going on since my early 20's. I think I want someone to take care of me. This is bizarre since I usually rebel against other people's idea of structure.
It seems as though an ENFP would want to be with someone a little more loose and easy-going, but then again that makes me feel like I'd have to be the one in charge and I don't want that.

I think I need my head examined.

What we need is someone who wants to take care of us without trying to change us.

I want someone who doesn't mind doing the mundane stuff I hate (taxes, housework, etc.), and in so doing, enables me to focus on whatever gives my life meaning. An element of empowerment is critical... you don't want someone whose idea of taking care of you is acting like an authoritarian parent and smothering your spontaneous brand of creative living. F*#k that...
 

Moiety

New member
Joined
Aug 3, 2008
Messages
5,996
MBTI Type
ISFJ
NO ONE needs someone to take care of them. Don't fool yourselves ENFPs.
 

Amargith

Hotel California
Joined
Nov 5, 2008
Messages
14,717
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4dw
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Its about team-work imo. It's nice to have someone who will offset my weaknesses and vice versa. That means that together we stand strong against the world.
 

Moiety

New member
Joined
Aug 3, 2008
Messages
5,996
MBTI Type
ISFJ
Team work is about 1 + 1 = 2 not 0,5 + 0,5 = 1 :p

I mean sure, I could get myself an ISFJ who did everything I didn't want to do (being good at something is a matter of a practice, not something merely inherent)...but I prefer to be independent.
 

InvisibleJim

Permabanned
Joined
Nov 19, 2009
Messages
2,387
Team work is about 1 + 1 = 2 not 0,5 + 0,5 = 1 :p

I mean sure, I could get myself an ISFJ who did everything I didn't want to do (being good at something is a matter of a practice, not something merely inherent)...but I prefer to be independent.

Such very limited a perception of teamwork.

As I have economics as a hobby I tell you that at + bt > ai + bi

where at > ai
and bt > bi

Where ij, i = particpant, j = individual (i) or team (t)
 

Moiety

New member
Joined
Aug 3, 2008
Messages
5,996
MBTI Type
ISFJ
Such very limited a perception of teamwork.

As I have economics as a hobby I tell you that at + bt > ai + bi

where at > ai
and bt > bi

Where ij, i = particpant, j = individual (i) or team (t)

Lol, I always hated economics anyway.
 

InvisibleJim

Permabanned
Joined
Nov 19, 2009
Messages
2,387
Lol, I always hated economics anyway.

Quite and it relates perfectly to this 'the whole is greater than the sum of it's parts statement...

I want someone who doesn't mind doing the mundane stuff I hate (taxes, housework, etc.), and in so doing, enables me to focus on whatever gives my life meaning. An element of empowerment is critical... you don't want someone whose idea of taking care of you is acting like an authoritarian parent and smothering your spontaneous brand of creative living. F*#k that...

Of course, the typical ENFP issue is that they don't understand that others may have things they value more than washing their damned dishes and doing their boring tax returns @_@.
 

Moiety

New member
Joined
Aug 3, 2008
Messages
5,996
MBTI Type
ISFJ
Quite and it relates perfectly to this 'the whole is greater than the sum of it's parts statement...

I don't disagree. My lousy equation only meant that it is preferable that the individuals be wholesome before they come together to form a team. I dislike the idea that a relationship is a personal excuse for me to not improve my weaker areas.
 

Lady_X

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
18,235
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
784
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Quite and it relates perfectly to this 'the whole is greater than the sum of it's parts statement...



Of course, the typical ENFP issue is that they don't understand that others may have things they value more than washing their damned dishes and doing their boring tax returns @_@.

totally...just because some types are better at prioritizing their time and taking care of their responsibilities doesn't mean that's what they want to be doing...a better goal might be to earn enough money to hire an accountant and someone to clean and organize your house for you and try to find someone who gives you the really important things you need and vice versa.
 

skylights

i love
Joined
Jul 6, 2010
Messages
7,756
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
actually i kind of like doing the dishes :shrug:

two thoughts...

1.
John Donne said:
No man is an island, entire of itself

2. two things that must be achieved and balanced on one's own:
  • self-confidence (how to accept love)
  • humility (how to love)
 

Malkavia

New member
Joined
Dec 2, 2009
Messages
289
MBTI Type
ENXP
Enneagram
3w4
A lot of ENFP threads confuse me sometimes, such as this one.

While I think that my type is correct and I have the right preferences I do NOT seem to have a lot of the same tendencies that is stereotyped to ENFPs.

For one, I am NOT flaky or chaotic. I'm on time, I am ambitious, and I have back up plans. From reading the first post in this thread, I did not connect with over half of the "tendencies" posted. What could this be from?

P.S. I would have read through the whole thread to see if anyone else posted something similar, but 38 pages is A LOT of pages and I have to go to work. Forgive me if this has been posted before.
 

RobinsonCrusoe

New member
Joined
Nov 25, 2009
Messages
24
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w6
A lot of ENFP threads confuse me sometimes, such as this one.

While I think that my type is correct and I have the right preferences I do NOT seem to have a lot of the same tendencies that is stereotyped to ENFPs.

For one, I am NOT flaky or chaotic. I'm on time, I am ambitious, and I have back up plans. From reading the first post in this thread, I did not connect with over half of the "tendencies" posted. What could this be from?

P.S. I would have read through the whole thread to see if anyone else posted something similar, but 38 pages is A LOT of pages and I have to go to work. Forgive me if this has been posted before.

agree with this. My differences are that I'm a lot more reserved about completely trusting the natural goodness in other people, not very "cavalier" about taking risks, and also have very ambitious plans that are not very typical of an ENFP.

I also used to have a problem turning people down for various favors or things, but it does get better with practice and experience. It's like I'm acutely aware of an ENFP's weaknesses and stay constantly vigilant about them.

Also, an ENFP at age 15 is going to look VERY different from one at 25 and 35 and 45.
 

Malkavia

New member
Joined
Dec 2, 2009
Messages
289
MBTI Type
ENXP
Enneagram
3w4
Interesting. I feel like I'm more mature than a lot of other ENFPs I see around (not trying to sound pretentious, promise). Granted, I had to become independent at a very young age and this has probably influenced me a lot.

I actually connected on a lot of things you said. I seem to be more skeptical than normal, more ambitious, less trusting, and I used be too independent and refused to ask for help although I have gotten better as well.
 

Moiety

New member
Joined
Aug 3, 2008
Messages
5,996
MBTI Type
ISFJ
What do you guys mean by ambitious? And what's your enneagram Malkavia/Crusoe?
 

Malkavia

New member
Joined
Dec 2, 2009
Messages
289
MBTI Type
ENXP
Enneagram
3w4
I've never taken the enneagram before. Should I?

By ambitious I mean I'm not afraid to do things nobody else has and thinking outside the box.

(If youre interested in background read the paragraph below if not just skip it)

I'm a first generation college student (out of my entire family), I knew what my passion was and have stuck with it. I am now currently a Fulbright Scholar finishing up my masters and Im shooting for working the International Committee for the Red Cross. To me, thats crazy for someone to go from a town of 1,200 in East Texas to the working for a competitive company in the Middle East. I do not feel like I see this permanent, dedicated, ambition in my fellow ENFPs. I'm not trying to condescend in ANY way, it just makes me feel like I don't belong sometimes.


To me ambition means dedication, loyal, thinking outside of the box, and working through obstacles that seem impossible to work through.

Does this help?
 

Rebe

New member
Joined
Nov 15, 2009
Messages
1,431
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4sop
I've never taken the enneagram before. Should I?

By ambitious I mean I'm not afraid to do things nobody else has and thinking outside the box.

(If youre interested in background read the paragraph below if not just skip it)

I'm a first generation college student (out of my entire family), I knew what my passion was and have stuck with it. I am now currently a Fulbright Scholar finishing up my masters and Im shooting for working the International Committee for the Red Cross. To me, thats crazy for someone to go from a town of 1,200 in East Texas to the working for a competitive company in the Middle East. I do not feel like I see this permanent, dedicated, ambition in my fellow ENFPs. I'm not trying to condescend in ANY way, it just makes me feel like I don't belong sometimes.


To me ambition means dedication, loyal, thinking outside of the box, and working through obstacles that seem impossible to work through.

Does this help?

That's not unusual. ENFPs with strong Te can accomplish great things.
 

phoenix13

New member
Joined
Mar 31, 2008
Messages
1,293
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w8
A lot of ENFP threads confuse me sometimes, such as this one.

While I think that my type is correct and I have the right preferences I do NOT seem to have a lot of the same tendencies that is stereotyped to ENFPs.

For one, I am NOT flaky or chaotic. I'm on time, I am ambitious, and I have back up plans. From reading the first post in this thread, I did not connect with over half of the "tendencies" posted. What could this be from?

P.S. I would have read through the whole thread to see if anyone else posted something similar, but 38 pages is A LOT of pages and I have to go to work. Forgive me if this has been posted before.

Really, there should only be some vague correlations at best. The connection between our thought processes and the outward expression of them giving rise to common issues is by no means predictable or uniform. So, it would be ludicrous to try to type yourself according to type profiles or how well you relate to people on this thread.

In my mind, the older we get, the less likely we are to match these speculative stereotypes, because experiences become the dominant influence, and we adjust our behaviors in response to them.

I've come to question whether experiences or thought processes have the upper hand in behavior in general... if it is experience (or environment, parenting, etc.), then all of the type profiles, along with most of the threads on this forum are obsolete.
 
Top