Let me preface my comments by saying that, from what I've seen from a number of EFJ's, I respect Fe and and impressed by the things it does well. My "understanding" of what Fe is comes from Lenore Thomson and "[Fe] addresses how interactions within a society are best performed" or however she puts that. Okay, with that preface, let the bloodletting begin
Why does Fe seem to consider itself the social uberfunction, and the default norm/expectation of social interaction? As stated above, it can often be very effective socially, but why does that grant it norm/expectation status, and apparently such a dim view of other functions and their social style?
I would like to point out that no group that I've ever been a part of has been Fe dom, and a number of groups that I've been a part of/around [military, taoism, tantrik yoga, maybe zen buddhism?, maybe some martial arts?] actively look down on a number of aspects about Fe and its social mores.
Ok, so on to Fidelia's points
1) A lot of me finds this completely naive, stupid, and self-centered. There are 6 billion+ people in this world. Lots of people suffer intense agony or pain every day, and how many people die every day? What on earth makes you think people should take time out of their busy lives to, more or less, socially kiss your butt, especially if these people don't even know you? Of the 6 billion+ people in this world, most of them don't give one whit about you, your feelings, insecurities, joys, tribulations, etc. Most people is the US, and I presume elsewhere as well, are quite busy and may not even have time to catch up with their friends, why should they spend time chit chatting with people they don't even know or only have ?little? relationships with, for example coworkers? It's my understanding that in the military, and elsewhere, it is often considered rude to ask people about their problems, or to probe them further, unless they specifically ask you to do so. I've had plenty of friends who when I ask them questions about personal stuff, even if they've mentioned it before, tell me to "mind my own business" and that "they don't want to talk about it." Fe is not the function default, or even the social default of all groups. I've seen Fe-like attitudes extremely mocked by some groups, and seen as very wimpy by others. Whether we agree with such attitudes or not, clearly Fe is not everyone's social default.
Most people are busy/enmeshed enough with their own problems, that unless your a close friend, they probably aren't interested in hearing about your problems. Does Fe expect the world to stop spinning and other people to put their own lives on hold so that they can try to help comfort your problems?
2) In the military and elsewhere there is a lot of "do this, because you were told to", and it doesn't matter what you think about it, or whatever the group dynamics may or may not be. Some people are oblivious to group dynamics, others don't care, others realize that "they aren't high enough on the totem pole to be able to change anything."
4) Come on, people are more complex than just "I will help you out" vs "I don't care one iota." Further, not all help is wanted. People are busy, there isn't time to do everything, not everything to be done requires a group effort to get there.
Whether it is a fair assessment of Fe or not, it feels to me like the groups I've mentioned above basically see Fe as "polite social butt-kissing" and perhaps frequently insincere about it to. These groups consider themselves much more "honest" and "truthful", and see Fe as somewhere between well-intentioned farce, disingenuous, and outright lying. Also, I think there is a tendency to see Fe expression as people "whining and expecting social support/approval/validation for being insecure/wimpy/pathetic etc." As in "I can't take care of myself or solve my own problems, so I'm going to interrupt or force myself upon you to help me out. Now validate my feelings!!!"
Fe: I've had SUCH a bad today!
military: "shut up and run 5 miles, just like everybody else here!"
martial arts: "shut up and train, just like everybody else here!"
zen buddhism: "shut up and go meditate"
taoism: "the world is red dust and the social world is insecure and farce, your emotional worry is scattering your mind. relax your mind and settle your chi"
tantric yoga: "the world is illusory and filled with suffering. Social interactions will not take you to liberation, but will only further tangle you in this world of suffering. Still your wandering mind and focus on the Absolute."
See how none of those examples involve any sort of emotional validation? Admittedly, those are all warrior and/or monkish cultures though.
So clearly not all social groups are Fe-based, or even F-based. I think the harshest attitudes I've seen towards Fe have come not from Fi, but from Ti and Te.
Oh, on a more tangential note, in Brent Massey's Where Do I Belong?, a book about applying MBTI to national cultures [a non-rigorous book based upon emailing people who live in the country under question what MBTI they thought there national culture was, and why], there are LOTS of ENFP countries, a handful of ENFJ countries, *2* INFP countries, and !zero! INFJ countries. As some INFJ put it "a country couldnt function if its national culture was INFJ." I'm not sure what that really means, or how much meaning to give it, but I still thought it was an interesting note and wanted to mention it.
Ok, I don't know if this necessarily answered any of Fidelia's questions, but at least I hope it described some mindsets/attitudes that directly contradict Fe's operating assumptions.