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Thread: Common ENFP issues

  1. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by Satine View Post
    Not listening. ENFPs wanna listen but get too caught up in NeSi giving it all the scenarios where they were in a similar position as the person they're listening too and going into oversharing drive instead of understanding the other person needs to vent, resulting in the Me-me-me feeling instead of a good sync-up.
    Yeah I've noticed this plenty of times.

    Not to mention the silliness you mentioned in the OP, especially when sharing/discussing ideas. From my corner it often looks like some combination of Meet the Press with the Teletubbies. "Good morning, we're going to discuss the economic effects of Tinky Winky's policies involving dancing around the tree - YAY!"

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    Quote Originally Posted by Peguy View Post
    Yeah I've noticed this plenty of times.

    Not to mention the silliness you mentioned in the OP, especially when sharing/discussing ideas. From my corner it often looks like some combination of Meet the Press with the Teletubbies. "Good morning, we're going to discuss the economic effects of Tinky Winky's policies involving dancing around the tree - YAY!"


    Yeah, OK. In grad school, I had somebody say to me once, "You are able to talk about the most esoteric subjects with such a sense of childlike glee and silliness."

    Thus was the origins of the name Esoteric Wench.
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  3. #53
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    Default Kinda a long response but I'm being *thoughtful* lol

    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    I think satine made a good point in the other thread that Fe users are more about continuity while Fi users abundance of supply comes in spurts. Too much contact and Fi users are depleted.
    This is interesting...my Fi well never goes dry. But I get what you mean about 'continuity'.

    For love/affection I need constant activity to keep it full and brimming, it doesn't get depleted. I have almost endless affection and good cheer for those I like, especially my 'favorite people' (which includes pets...LOL). The only area my Fi can get really burn out quickly is when I'm taking on others pain/drama or am around a lot of chaos/ugliness/darkness. It's like bad vibes suck the energy out my psyche. Fi is receptive whereas Fe is directive so Fe users definitely have the advantage here as they are immune (compared to Fi users) to intangible 'bad vibes' and and can be continuous in their efforts/activity in certain arenas. For Fi users, we have to remove ourselves to restore the bubbly. When an Fe burns out it's because of the effort, when an Fi burns out it's more because of the fatigue of experience.

    As far as socially, it's really hard to burn me out socially.

    I need to have continuous and varied social interaction or I start drying up like a dirty sponge in the sun. My neurons start rusting and I fold in on myself like a dry monk. It's really bad!

    The kicker is, the social stimulation needs to be consistent *overall* but it doesn't necessarily have to be with the same people. But, I do have a core circle of friends that I seek to hang out with consistently because I *want* to and I will miss their presence. I think it's common for Fi heavy folks to have consistent friendships because they are fueled by Fi need and impulse. Fi is "I do what I want to do/what I feel like doing". And for my 'favorite people' they are my favorite people because I prize their company so much that I continually seek them out. If I did not have that unquestioned, gut impulse I do not have the mindfulness or enough of that kind of social sense/skill to maintain relationships 'just because'. It's just a more extreme, slightly warped version of what makes any consistent friendship work. Also, I'm sure ENFPs can seem opportunistic in the way they start and develop relationships. Again, I think that's an ENXP thing, since it's mostly a matter of Ne leading with no J to direct.

    I have become more aware of 'touch and go' tendencies and seeming inconsistent behavior by observing OTHER ENFPs though. :P I've also gotten used to the 'touch and go' and inconsistency with INFPs who have even more Fi (poor INFPS...lol, I kid)

    When an another XNFP does something inconsistent, sometimes I don't know why, but I chalk it up to being ENFP and 'Fi'. Fi is so individualistic and personal and often secret or hidden (sometimes reasons/motivations are unknown to the person themselves because the are so deep in it they have no objectivity).

    Quote Originally Posted by Peguy View Post
    I notice a tendency for some ENFPs to speak first without giving much thought of what they're saying; which can often have the effect of creating a huge mess if it's misunderstood by the other person or hits a nerve. For me, when I say something, I've already given some thought as to what I'm saying.
    God bless you INFJs for being thoughtful. Someone has to do it! LOL.

    I think when it comes to flirting and blurting, ENFPs fall into distinct 'yes' and 'no' camps. Some Fi doms/auxs seem completely oblivious to boundaries, social convention, what others will think. It's not a totally bad thing because it can make you fearless and give you an air of confidence/assuredness, excitement, or just that that good ole 'bohemian' vibe. LOL. However, it can also drive others crazy and cause a lot of personal problems for you.

    I've heard on the forum a very clear line between ENFPs who say themselves they admit to being flirty intentionally or not and and those ENFPs who can't stand the idea or else are very consciously reserved in that area. Same for blurting.

    My ENFP friend and I actually encounter this same issue with a mutual ENFP friend of ours. He just has no filter on his mouth and likes to get reactions from people. He can speak very thoughtlessly and I call him out on it.

    Thoughtlessness/blurting out - it's also an ENTP issue. It's the Ne gone mad.

    I think gender and age play a big role in the natural development of blurting as well. The older you get, the wiser. Also, guys tend to have the bigger mouths than the ladies and can get away with it a lot more. So blurting and making comments is more an issue you would encounter with young male ENXPs.

    There is also a line between ENFPs separating the blurters with the thoughtful to a fault speakers. Even when it looks like I'm blurting things out, I generally have already outlined or thought intensively about what I'm about to say and anticipated the responses, particularly if it's during a heated or important moment. I generally have always thought carefully before speaking (even if it's spastic, erratic, competing Ne/Fi fueled thinking ;P) and will not say something if I think it will pique someone or aggravate a situation unecessarily. Of course, I have my blind spots and moments, but in general I *want* to be thoughtful.

    Personally, I find that trait of being thoughtless/self-absorbed and blurting things out with little regard for the other person's feelings or context or reaction to be real thumbs down! :thumbs down:

    Quote Originally Posted by angell_m View Post
    I don't know what you people are talking about. Every time you describe yourselves, you seem like perfectly normal social people to me. And I'm not even saying that to be nice,, I'm just being observant. The topic has been labeled "Issues" yet so far I've not seen any issues, except for the continuious stretching and pulling for (invisible?) facts in each and every one of your posts.
    It's that damn runaway Ne, mang.

    Actually, I thought the list was very good overall. Each issue doesn't necessarily hit each ENFP of course - there are a few I personally don't identify with - but overall it's a good general overview of problems with XNFPs. I think the list definitely applies to INFPs as well. Same functions, different order.
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    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post
    I think when it comes to flirting and blurting, ENFPs fall into distinct 'yes' and 'no' camps.

    I've heard on the forum a very clear line between ENFPs who say themselves they admit to being flirty intentionally or not and and those ENFPs who can't stand the idea or else are very consciously reserved in that area. Same for blurting.
    Cze Cze, I thought this was very interesting. I never thought about it before, but you are right. ENFPs seem to readily embrace or readily dismiss that they are flirty and/or blurty. I noticed this when I first came on this forum because, I was horrified to think that I'd be unintentionally flirty and spent a fair amount of time trying to figure out if I was and didn't know it. I definitely don't think I am. But so many ENFPs say they are, there's gotta be something going on here. I wonder why the difference.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Satine View Post
    We seem to have two types of ENFP here...

    Perhaps the Te-variant and the Fi-variant? Fi being a bitch to wrangle and making us go very deep into ourselves, taking aw hlie to develop (causing those social problems but making us very approachable to others) and Te being the drill sergeant, getting things done and making others more uncomfortable but without really giving those intimacy problems that Fi gives us?


    I've thought of another tendency:

    Not listening. ENFPs wanna listen but get too caught up in NeSi giving it all the scenarios where they were in a similar position as the person they're listening too and going into oversharing drive instead of understanding the other person needs to vent, resulting in the Me-me-me feeling instead of a good sync-up.
    Satine, I just read this post. I must have accidentally missed it earlier. This is very, very interesting and insightful.

    Fi/Te variants? That would explain a lot. And perhaps an ENFP can go from one to another as they get older, more mature, and are able to tap into their Te more readily and with finer control.

    The NeSi loop. Wow! Yeah, I've done this and I think this is a great explanation of it... And I've never read anything like it before in any of the ENFP descriptions I've read. I think you're on to something here.
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  6. #56

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    Quote Originally Posted by Satine View Post
    We seem to have two types of ENFP here...

    Perhaps the Te-variant and the Fi-variant? Fi being a bitch to wrangle and making us go very deep into ourselves, taking aw hlie to develop (causing those social problems but making us very approachable to others) and Te being the drill sergeant, getting things done and making others more uncomfortable but without really giving those intimacy problems that Fi gives us?
    ENFPs seem to be exceptionally diverse in how we present ourselves to the public-likely showing an underlying diversity in our development as you point out above.

    My guess is that Ne makes us very flexible, and without any Fe filter, those differences among individuals become very easy to see. Ne also makes us neurotic as hell, thus we are forced to learn adaptation skills (aka weird cognitive development patterns) early on. I'd suggest other MBTI types are just as diverse under the hood, but just do a better job at looking "normal".

    The ENFPs I meet tend towards the more Te side because they are in a corporate, scientific workplace. So I miss a whole chunk of the population as a result. I dont see flirting or attention seeking behaviors, or overt failure to follow up.. I do see blunt, overly direct communication, and complete obliviousness to intricate political Fe networks. WHAM! goes the Te hammer. The EXTPs all cringe.

    The down side to the Te heavy approach is that we are extroverting erratic tert Te. We dont look like a Te aux-we look like an immature Te dom who is kinda emo and hyper.

    We have baby ESTJs inside of us. If you totally quell the Fi, then the Te ENFPs can be very harsh and abrasive. Also under stress, we can become picky about stupid things-Si. So we are busy learning all the lessons ESTJs learned from ages 10 to 25. The best way to handle seems to keep the Fi near the surface and allow it to soften your reactions to the person-but not soften the Te analysis of the problem. It is a balancing act.

    Having said that I have had two ENFP COOs and an ENFP VP-all picked by an INTJ CEO. All male. They can be superb.

    The latest COO is fascinating as he "feels" blank. Fi feels people and I would reach out to "feel" him and feel nothing. However I can feel him feeling me at times. He is exceptionally observant of people dynamics on an individual level. A simple glance will stop him in his tracks and divert his attention. There have been a few times I have had unspoken Fi convos with him. Sort of a mutual agreement that didnt really involve words-then stuff happens to fix the issue.

    In meetings however the tert Te comes out and he will be direct and challenging-but without the Ne silliness or Fi defensive responses most enfps show. In one on one meetings you see the Ne begin to emerge as he skips huge numbers of steps, makes eye contact and we "just get it".

    The VP is like my older brother clone. My ENTP best friend works for him and wants to kill him. Hyperactive Ne, with more defensive Fi knee jerk responses then would be ideal but all funneled outwards in Te action plans.

    He once said "I dont understand what it is that we are discussing, but someone needs to make a decision. I will make the decision and take full responsibility on my back, if it allows us to move forward and make progress."

    The ENTPs call us "reactive" as we just plow straight through Fe and do so with a very quick response time.


    Quote Originally Posted by Peguy View Post
    Not to mention the silliness you mentioned in the OP, especially when sharing/discussing ideas. From my corner it often looks like some combination of Meet the Press with the Teletubbies. "Good morning, we're going to discuss the economic effects of Tinky Winky's policies involving dancing around the tree - YAY!"
    A little insertion of Ne insanity to go a long way in dealing with ISTJs

  7. #57
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    Orobas, I want a job where you work. Apparently you can surf the net and post to forums all day long.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Orobas View Post
    We have baby ESTJs inside of us.
    You mentioned this once before in the INFJ Common Threads forum. I'm not sure I get this. What do you mean?
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    Hmm, my dear ENFP's who I love, here's a question ... how come when I give you the "look" - that look that says "rein in the Ne ... you are out of control, people aren't following you, people are thinking you've crossed the line" you never pay attention, even though you see me...

    ?

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    other things become ugly.
    When people see some things as good,
    other things become bad."
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    Hmm, my dear ENFP's who I love, here's a question ... how come when I give you the "look" - that look that says "rein in the Ne ... you are out of control, people aren't following you, people are thinking you've crossed the line" you never pay attention, even though you see me...

    ?

    I don't recall ever seeing you give me "the look."

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