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Thread: Common ENFP issues

  1. #451
    Senior Member Array pinkgraffiti's Avatar
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    But why? I mean a party is a place where you can meet many people. Even if I find someone that is super interesting, and I talk to them for some time, I certainly wouldn't want to them all night, not when I have so many other stimula around me. I'd rather go out with them one on one another day, so I can focus on that connection...

    Quote Originally Posted by Adasta View Post
    This would be frustrating. It would probably leave me thinking "Oh...I thought we had a connection...S/he probably has more fun with the others anyway."

  2. #452
    Senior Member Array pinkgraffiti's Avatar
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    For the record, I have to say I agree with every single word this girl said.
    [QUOTE=skylights;1713553]lol, somewhat. a lot of times people don't really seem like they're interested in it or that they care enough about me for me to trust them with deep things about myself. clearly you've noticed ENFP interactions can be somewhat one-sided, with the non-ENFP being the main object of attention. if the other person doesn't deliberately engage me, too, i'll generally shy away from deep exchange. it's not that i don't want people to understand me, but it's that i don't consider it worth telling them if they're not going to care about it the way i do.

    (.......)
    /QUOTE]

  3. #453
    Senior Member Array Adasta's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pinkgraffiti View Post
    But why? I mean a party is a place where you can meet many people. Even if I find someone that is super interesting, and I talk to them for some time, I certainly wouldn't want to them all night, not when I have so many other stimula around me. I'd rather go out with them one on one another day, so I can focus on that connection...
    Understand that Fi and Ne are reversed: an INFP is a Fi-dom.

    Now, consider how you use Ne to look for situations/information etc. and then analyse how you feel about it. INFPs already know how they feel about things; they simply enjoy occasions where this "good" feeling is reinforced. For me, a good connection with someone is enough; I have already understood what it is to have a good connection and therefore it is pleasing to find it once again. I know from years of experience that it is rare for me to find a good connection. So, once found, I don't have much desire to lose it.

    In the given scenario, I would probably feel let down. I would resign myself to talking once again with people who don't understand me as well as that girl from earlier on who came and flitted away. I would still enjoy the party, but it would be marred by the curtailing of the good conversation. In that conversation, Ne was being expressed, and now all that's left is what that Ne conversation has given me. The interlocutor has gone, and is now merely a memory. I would probably long for that conversation to be rekindled but would assume the speaker had gone on to speak to others whom she found more interesting.
    That girls are raped, that two boys knife a third,
    Were axioms to him, who'd never heard
    Of any world where promises were kept,
    Or one could weep because another wept.

  4. #454
    Senior Member Array Adasta's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    lol, somewhat. a lot of times people don't really seem like they're interested in it or that they care enough about me for me to trust them with deep things about myself. clearly you've noticed ENFP interactions can be somewhat one-sided, with the non-ENFP being the main object of attention. if the other person doesn't deliberately engage me, too, i'll generally shy away from deep exchange. it's not that i don't want people to understand me, but it's that i don't consider it worth telling them if they're not going to care about it the way i do.
    How do you decide that someone is worthy? This concept of "worthiness" is also felt by INFPs, I think.


    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    adasta, i hope i answered your question well enough. basically the dichotomy is that i'm quite openly social, but it's a one-way exchange. i'm very good at engaging other people and getting to the heart of what they're interested in. but i'm quite shy in terms of talking about my real interests, and things that are very important to me. i feel very self-conscious leading a conversation about myself or my interests - if i'm leading, i can't spend my time gauging the other person for their interest. and i can't get my "fix" in terms of lighting them up. so my default is to be social, and it's only when approaching the border of becoming truly close with someone that i will become more withdrawn and shy.
    What conditions need to be present for you to open up? It seems a shame not to share your own feelings when you seem so interested in those of others.

    P.S. Your insight was excellent, and most appreciated. I want to know more and more about ENFPs now.
    That girls are raped, that two boys knife a third,
    Were axioms to him, who'd never heard
    Of any world where promises were kept,
    Or one could weep because another wept.

  5. #455
    Senior Member Array King sns's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Adasta View Post
    How do you decide that someone is worthy? This concept of "worthiness" is also felt by INFPs, I think.




    What conditions need to be present for you to open up? It seems a shame not to share your own feelings when you seem so interested in those of others.

    P.S. Your insight was excellent, and most appreciated. I want to know more and more about ENFPs now.
    This worthiness sounds like an Fi judgment from Fi's all across the board.
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  6. #456
    Senior Member Array pinkgraffiti's Avatar
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    I know what you're saying, but you have to understand if I have a moment with you at a party and then I go away it doesn't mean I'll go away forever. You sound a bit possessive lol
    Like the person before me said, a party is a "fake" atmosphere, if I feel a connection with you I will want to explore it further but not necessarily at a party, where I am pumped up and putting on my nice-super social-mask on.
    The idea of talking to you the whole night (even if you're super interesting) makes me feel a bit forced. I mean, I don't even know you, I'm just meeting you. So I'd rather have that strong moment where I think we connected, then get my mind off it by enjoying the rest of the party. And maybe later come back to you (when, as you said before, my feelings sank in). Isn't it much more beautiful if I call you the day after and we go ALONE to do something BY OURSELVES and FOCUS on each other's company? Seems way hotter to me.


    PS. Funny how you say you would feel connected with me through Ne, because I would feel connected to you with Fi. That Ne connection is something I find with mostly anyone, it doesn't mean anything. It's a prostitute function lol
    Quote Originally Posted by Adasta View Post
    Understand that Fi and Ne are reversed: an INFP is a Fi-dom.

    Now, consider how you use Ne to look for situations/information etc. and then analyse how you feel about it. INFPs already know how they feel about things; they simply enjoy occasions where this "good" feeling is reinforced. For me, a good connection with someone is enough; I have already understood what it is to have a good connection and therefore it is pleasing to find it once again. I know from years of experience that it is rare for me to find a good connection. So, once found, I don't have much desire to lose it.

    In the given scenario, I would probably feel let down. I would resign myself to talking once again with people who don't understand me as well as that girl from earlier on who came and flitted away. I would still enjoy the party, but it would be marred by the curtailing of the good conversation. In that conversation, Ne was being expressed, and now all that's left is what that Ne conversation has given me. The interlocutor has gone, and is now merely a memory. I would probably long for that conversation to be rekindled but would assume the speaker had gone on to speak to others whom she found more interesting.

  7. #457
    Senior Member Array Adasta's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pinkgraffiti View Post
    I know what you're saying, but you have to understand if I have a moment with you at a party and then I go away it doesn't mean I'll go away forever. You sound a bit possessive lol
    It's actually the opposite of possessiveness. If I were possessive, I would try and follow you around the party to reignite the conversation. That wouldn't happen. I'd let you wander off even if it would pain me to allow it to happen; I understand it's impossible to constrain someone, so I don't try. Desire is different, though. If I single someone out, then that person might be the object of my thoughts for while. It is, however, difficult to move from the imaginary to the real, so there is always a risk with INFPs that we live out relationships in our mind, being too scared to make a move in the external world. We become consumed with worry that perhaps we have made assumptions; maybe you were just being nice and didn't really like us at all - maybe we are troublesome to you.

    Quote Originally Posted by pinkgraffiti View Post
    Like the person before me said, a party is a "fake" atmosphere, if I feel a connection with you I will want to explore it further but not necessarily at a party, where I am pumped up and putting on my nice-super social-mask on.
    When do you not wear that "mask". I always hear about this mask, but very few see ENFPs without the mask. How does anyone get to the sub-strata if all they ever see is the mask?

    Quote Originally Posted by pinkgraffiti View Post
    Isn't it much more beautiful if I call you the day after and we go ALONE to do something BY OURSELVES and FOCUS on each other's company? Seems way hotter to me.
    Yes, but if I like said ENFP, it would be a tortuous wait for me. ENFPs can take over a week t get back to you; they're busy with everyone else. If it were romantic, then I would certainly be daydreaming about her and umming-and-ahhing about whether to txt her. I'd probably refrain and feel incredibly frustrated, or send the txt and immediately become wracked with guilt (that I've bothered her/that she doesn't like me)/trepidation (that I have to wait for a response). The meeting would be excellent, however.

    Quote Originally Posted by pinkgraffiti View Post
    PS. Funny how you say you would feel connected with me through Ne, because I would feel connected to you with Fi. That Ne connection is something I find with mostly anyone, it doesn't mean anything. It's a prostitute function lol
    I suppose it would be through Fi, but the connection usually stems for ENFP excitedness/awe about Fi input, which sends their Ne into overdrive. This is endearing. 2x Fi-doms together tend to speak in the context of how their feelings make them feel, with the other playing the "understanding" role. ENFPs tend to become curious and probe more. That's the interesting thing. They seem to like Fi expression and don't laugh at you or make it seem inappropriate.

    I also feel like INFPs are quite intense at times but in a very restrained way. I think ENFPs can get caught up in it, and are linguistically whisked away to other places that others don't usually mention. I think this is appealing to them since they only really hear of these places in their own mind, and are too nervous to display it to others. INFPs are constantly displaying it and constantly being rebuffed. I often wonder if ENFPs look at INFPs kindly because they see us as walking around wearing our emotions and values on our sleeve while appearing to be quite sure of ourselves. It is probably the same as how we see ENFPs and think it's impressive to be so cheery and nice to people without seem false or conceited.
    That girls are raped, that two boys knife a third,
    Were axioms to him, who'd never heard
    Of any world where promises were kept,
    Or one could weep because another wept.

  8. #458
    Senior Member Array pinkgraffiti's Avatar
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    Adasta: my comments in bold

    When do you not wear that "mask". I always hear about this mask, but very few see ENFPs without the mask. How does anyone get to the sub-strata if all they ever see is the mask?
    When I'm one on one with a person. And especially if they hit my soft spot (Fi) the way INFPs are so good at doing anyway. Masters.

    Yes, but if I like said ENFP, it would be a tortuous wait for me. ENFPs can take over a week t get back to you; they're busy with everyone else. If it were romantic, then I would certainly be daydreaming about her and umming-and-ahhing about whether to txt her. I'd probably refrain and feel incredibly frustrated, or send the txt and immediately become wracked with guilt (that I've bothered her/that she doesn't like me)/trepidation (that I have to wait for a response). The meeting would be excellent, however.
    I don't take over a week to get back to you and if I do it's not because I'm "busy with everyone else". If I'm interested in you, I make time for you in a millisecond.

    I suppose it would be through Fi, but the connection usually stems for ENFP excitedness/awe about Fi input, which sends their Ne into overdrive. This is endearing. 2x Fi-doms together tend to speak in the context of how their feelings make them feel, with the other playing the "understanding" role. ENFPs tend to become curious and probe more. That's the interesting thing. They seem to like Fi expression and don't laugh at you or make it seem inappropriate.

    I also feel like INFPs are quite intense at times but in a very restrained way. I think ENFPs can get caught up in it, and are linguistically whisked away to other places that others don't usually mention. I think this is appealing to them since they only really hear of these places in their own mind, and are too nervous to display it to others. INFPs are constantly displaying it and constantly being rebuffed. I often wonder if ENFPs look at INFPs kindly because they see us as walking around wearing our emotions and values on our sleeve while appearing to be quite sure of ourselves. It is probably the same as how we see ENFPs and think it's impressive to be so cheery and nice to people without seem false or conceited.
    All these things you just said I totally agree with them and I want to give you a hug. I think ENFPs and INFPs were made to be together

  9. #459
    Junior Member Array disco's Avatar
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    Hi, everyone- I'm new here. I really enjoy this thread, although I haven't read all of it yet.

    A few questions:

    1.) What strategies do you use to overcome the follow-through problem? I'm a dreamer and I just can't seem to make much tangible progress. I'm extremely hardworking on something that inspires me, but that isn't constant every day.

    2.) I know that most people say that ENFPs are the ones leading people on, but I find that I'm the one seeking more closeness than people seem willing enough to give me. I'm the one checking in with my friends and family and putting out more effort that way. I get disappointed and disenchanted with people often as a result. I have the feeling that they always let me down. Does anybody else have this experience?

    3.) I absolutely hate inauthenicity. When somebody flatters me (and seems to be buttering me up rather than being honest) or has a lovey-dovey gushy communication style it makes me want to puke. I have somebody like this in my immediate family (the family I married into) and it's really difficult to manage. I never want to respond to the icky gushy texts, etc. Anybody have this experience also?

    Thanks
    ♕ ENFP ♡ 7w6 sx/sp ♕

  10. #460
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    I do come off as kind of weird, but I don't really care.. I do put things bluntly (to people I am not scared of) and I do like to talk about myself, which isn't very forgiving. But I feel that unlike most other people, although I may seem to flit from one hobby to another, I know what I want from my life, even though like most ENFP's I seem aimless to onlookers.

    I have 3w4 and I am sooooooo scared of being unsuccessful I can not describe to you.. I know if I don't achieve my goals in life I will become severely depressed. I think the 'not being able to follow through' point comes in, as with most ENFP'S I find it hard to finish ANYTHING! It scares me because I think I have found something I always seem to give up because my mind wanders too easily and I always think the grass is greener on the other side.

    Somethings I didn't relate to that you included your list is: I am not a flirt. In the slightest. I am very friendly and I love talking to people (maybe it may come off as kind of flirty actually / but I don't intentionally flirt with people. Also I quite enjoy leadership.. I think this is the 3 type thing coming in again though, just wanting to take control of my own success and being image conscious.

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