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  1. #441
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    This is spot on. I want to send this to everyone I know to show them my side of the story every time they get pissed off at me...I think wanting to do that is also an ENFP characteristic

  2. #442
    Junior Member Dialetheism's Avatar
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    Dear God, I have not laughed that hard at myself in forever. Literally I agreed with every part, down to the mulled over, being bad at networking thing, for the same reason. Thank you OP so much for this, I'll have to share it with my BF and I'm sure he'll be glad to have a formula made out of my specific brand of crazy.

  3. #443
    Senior Member PinkIceTD's Avatar
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    Just read the original post for the first time. It's like it was talking about me specifically. Especially: Maintaining networks--I literally cannot do this. An example would be my college friends. I think about them alllll the time and some of them I still talk to (if they call me), but to genuinely keep in contact with everyone, can't do it. I still care about everyone alot, though. I also hate "chit-chatting." Feels fake.

    Also, the whole Te -impatience-NOW thing, the part about jumping into intimate conversations way too early (getting better at NOT doing this, but it's a struggle), I'm sure I appear shallow, because I get so excited by EVERYTHING someone I'm talking to mentions...all very me. I will continue reading the rest of the post now. Just wanted to offer that.
    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    I call it ENFP crazy eyes.
    "Love is not a product of reasonings and statistics. It just comes--none knows whence--and cannot explain itself." -Mark Twain, Eve's Diary

    "Laughter which cannot be suppressed is catching. Sooner or later it washes away our defences, and undermines our dignity, and we join in it -- ashamed of our weakness, and embittered against the cause of its exposure, but no matter, we have to join in, there is no help for it." Mark Twain

  4. #444
    Senior Member PinkIceTD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by You View Post
    Oh. I understand that. I'm horrible at it. Matter fact, I hate doing it. Just seems so fake to me.
    Ha. I feel the exact same way...said so in my previous post.
    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    I call it ENFP crazy eyes.
    "Love is not a product of reasonings and statistics. It just comes--none knows whence--and cannot explain itself." -Mark Twain, Eve's Diary

    "Laughter which cannot be suppressed is catching. Sooner or later it washes away our defences, and undermines our dignity, and we join in it -- ashamed of our weakness, and embittered against the cause of its exposure, but no matter, we have to join in, there is no help for it." Mark Twain

  5. #445
    Senior Member Adasta's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vala Faye View Post
    At this point I'd like to ask the general public to contribute if they feel that certain behavioral patterns commonly found in ENFPs have not been mentioned or clearly explained yet.
    I'm really baffled by the ENFP sociability/shyness dichotomy. Could someone help me to understand it?

    From what I can gather, ENFPs are usually very social. You enjoy teasing out what makes each person an individual. Yet there seems to be this inherent, insidious fear that no-one really understands you. So you're trapped: always talking to others, giving bits of yourself away to learn more about them, but never offering up the piece you truly want to share. Is it that you secretly don't want people to understand you and that, like the Ancyent Marinere, you quite enjoy your existence, doomed as you are to talk to people for the rest of your life but never fully share your tale?

    How does this, then, relate to your romantic life? I've sensed with ENFPs in the past that, if they are attracted to me, it's because they are really interested in the well of emotions/thoughts/feelings that I keep inside. I think the INFP brand of self-control coupled with our quixotic nature (Ne-ness, I suppose) is highly appealing in the same way that the ENFP happy fun-timeness is appealing to us; we both enjoy the other's strengths.

    At times they would have me go off on one about a subject I loved and then, after I'd finished, stare at me all doe-eyed. I think they were a bit impressed by the depth of my thought/feeling on the subject; perhaps they were intrigued by the Ne-ness of it all, or perhaps they weren't used it from others. I quite liked this response because I felt like we had connected on a personal level, but then they would just flit off and start talking to ESTXs who were totally different to me! I started to think "Hmm...maybe they don't really like me." Because ENFPs are so social, I began to think "Maybe she just likes me as a friend; she really belongs with the ESXX crowd anyway." It's confusing to see an ENFP girl at the centre of a crowd of ESXXs who are clearly vying for her attention in an alpha-male way, while she is obliviously flitting around thinking "Gosh, everyone is sooo lovely!" The naivety is both endearing and frustrating. It's like you never see the bad in others and always look for the good, even if it isn't really there.

    So, then, in what ways are you shy? How do you want people to connect to you as 1) friends and 2) lovers? It seems like ENFPs put themselves out there to everyone and think "Argh, I hope s/he secretly realises I like him the best, despite the fact I am acting the same with everyone" whereas INFPs think "Argh, I hope s/he secretly realises s/he's the object of my affection, despite the fact I can't ever express myself openly because I might look silly or be laughed at."
    That girls are raped, that two boys knife a third,
    Were axioms to him, who'd never heard
    Of any world where promises were kept,
    Or one could weep because another wept.

  6. #446
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    hmmm....i don't really feel shy socially...not really...but...my god...last year i worked somewhere during the holidays and there were a bunch of us hired at once...like 15 or so and we all sat in a room and were called upon one by one to talk about ourselves...that was pure torture for me! don't know why...i could sit in that same group and speak openinly with whoever about whatever...but being called on to talk about myself....eeek...pure hate haha actually...as much as it seems otherwise since i'm doing it right now! haha i actually really don't like talking about myself. i don't like being on the receiving end of questions....i can do it to others...but you need to put your magnifying glass down! for realz! haha so...actually...i guess you could say i'm shy like that. i want to be in charge of what info i offer up. i'm more interested in seeing than being seen. it's only really ever important for my significant other to truly know me...actually...i think i prefer it that way. i like to have areas that i connect with people and it's easy for me to feel a closeness with people just based on energy...there's like an unspoken knowing that i can feel and...am usually more comfortable with.

    i'm not ever thinking i hope such n such knows i like them best. if i were romantically interested in someone...i would make it known. i really don't feel uncomfortable doing so....also...there's not just one type of person that i click with...you may think those esxx types are boring but i likely don't...or i wouldn't be talking with them. i don't placate people...i'll run off and do my own thing if i'd find it more enjoyable.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  7. #447
    Senior Member PinkIceTD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Adasta View Post
    I'm really baffled by the ENFP sociability/shyness dichotomy. Could someone help me to understand it?

    So, then, in what ways are you shy? How do you want people to connect to you as 1) friends and 2) lovers? It seems like ENFPs put themselves out there to everyone and think "Argh, I hope s/he secretly realises I like him the best, despite the fact I am acting the same with everyone" whereas INFPs think "Argh, I hope s/he secretly realises s/he's the object of my affection, despite the fact I can't ever express myself openly because I might look silly or be laughed at."
    Some pretty good observations. Personally, I am shy about expressing my point of view that may differ from the group (bad, I know). For example, at my job we often have meetings for hiring decisions, office events, etc. If I feel or have an opinion vastly different from everyone else, I am extremely shy about sharing it. My face gets hot, I talk really fast...

    In romantic (and other) situations, I can be really intense in the beginning about getting to know someone, especially if the person is introverted and even more especially if they have Ti and they're introverted --it's harder to pull information from them. Getting someone like this to share information with you is somehow deeply satisfying because they tend to be private and selective.

    But, as you said, I (ENFPs) can do that with everyone. BUT, if that person begins to respond to my interest and starts to ask questions about me and my tastes, then that spikes my emotions even more and then I'm self conscious about coming on wayy too strong and scaring them away. And in some situations I can be concerned with them getting to know who I am, decide it's not what they want and moving on. i take it way too personally. So I can be shy in that way.

    I want people to connect to me by sharing information about themselves and if I share something in return, especially if I consider it embarrassing, to let me know that your opinion of me has not changed. I have no idea if that makes sense. :-)

    I put myself out there to everyone and subconsciously think, "I want to know the person that puts themselves in close proximity to me and seems too shy to actually come forward." In other words, in romantic situations, I like guys that definitely seems to have noticed me, but is shy. I find it difficult to determine the genuineness and authenticity of the affections of other extroverts in romantic situations, especially ESXX, but they very FUN to be around. Like the OP said, I (ENFPs) want to jump right into knowing the person. HTH!
    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    I call it ENFP crazy eyes.
    "Love is not a product of reasonings and statistics. It just comes--none knows whence--and cannot explain itself." -Mark Twain, Eve's Diary

    "Laughter which cannot be suppressed is catching. Sooner or later it washes away our defences, and undermines our dignity, and we join in it -- ashamed of our weakness, and embittered against the cause of its exposure, but no matter, we have to join in, there is no help for it." Mark Twain

  8. #448
    Senior Member pinkgraffiti's Avatar
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    No, it's because most people are too shallow or too emotionally infantile to be able to handle "the piece you truly want to share". I speak to many people but I'm "using" them in a way, they are the vehicle for me to get to what I want, which is more knowledge, more interesting stuff, etc - fuel my Ne. Connecting with my Fi comes after and only with people that I see are able to do that (like sweet INFPs )

    Regarding your interactions with ENFPs at parties, if I had had what you considered a meaningful conversation with you then probably it did affect me, but now I want to talk with other people too (fuel my Ne). But your impact on me was registered, and I will come back later - at the end of the party or another day, to develop the deepness I sensed with you.

    Lastly, why am I shy? For one because I get told often that I'm "crazy" or reminded that what I said is not "the norm" - blame my Ne. And secondly because I need time alone to digest all the information I got from my Ne. This means I will also need time alone for the impact you caused on me to sink in.

    Does that make sense and did I help you? I'm only talking about myself, so I don't know if other ENFPs feel that way or how obvious what I said is.
    Quote Originally Posted by Adasta View Post
    I'm really baffled by the ENFP sociability/shyness dichotomy. Could someone help me to understand it?

    From what I can gather, ENFPs are usually very social. You enjoy teasing out what makes each person an individual. Yet there seems to be this inherent, insidious fear that no-one really understands you. So you're trapped: always talking to others, giving bits of yourself away to learn more about them, but never offering up the piece you truly want to share. Is it that you secretly don't want people to understand you and that, like the Ancyent Marinere, you quite enjoy your existence, doomed as you are to talk to people for the rest of your life but never fully share your tale?

  9. #449
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Adasta
    From what I can gather, ENFPs are usually very social. You enjoy teasing out what makes each person an individual. Yet there seems to be this inherent, insidious fear that no-one really understands you. So you're trapped: always talking to others, giving bits of yourself away to learn more about them, but never offering up the piece you truly want to share. Is it that you secretly don't want people to understand you and that, like the Ancyent Marinere, you quite enjoy your existence, doomed as you are to talk to people for the rest of your life but never fully share your tale?
    lol, somewhat. a lot of times people don't really seem like they're interested in it or that they care enough about me for me to trust them with deep things about myself. clearly you've noticed ENFP interactions can be somewhat one-sided, with the non-ENFP being the main object of attention. if the other person doesn't deliberately engage me, too, i'll generally shy away from deep exchange. it's not that i don't want people to understand me, but it's that i don't consider it worth telling them if they're not going to care about it the way i do.

    How does this, then, relate to your romantic life? I've sensed with ENFPs in the past that, if they are attracted to me, it's because they are really interested in the well of emotions/thoughts/feelings that I keep inside. I think the INFP brand of self-control coupled with our quixotic nature (Ne-ness, I suppose) is highly appealing in the same way that the ENFP happy fun-timeness is appealing to us; we both enjoy the other's strengths.
    yeah, i believe that. i love contrasts between people. i really enjoy looking at differences and playing those strengths.

    At times they would have me go off on one about a subject I loved and then, after I'd finished, stare at me all doe-eyed. I think they were a bit impressed by the depth of my thought/feeling on the subject; perhaps they were intrigued by the Ne-ness of it all, or perhaps they weren't used it from others. I quite liked this response because I felt like we had connected on a personal level, but then they would just flit off and start talking to ESTXs who were totally different to me! I started to think "Hmm...maybe they don't really like me." Because ENFPs are so social, I began to think "Maybe she just likes me as a friend; she really belongs with the ESXX crowd anyway." It's confusing to see an ENFP girl at the centre of a crowd of ESXXs who are clearly vying for her attention in an alpha-male way, while she is obliviously flitting around thinking "Gosh, everyone is sooo lovely!" The naivety is both endearing and frustrating. It's like you never see the bad in others and always look for the good, even if it isn't really there.
    well, honestly, we're kind of used to digging that sort of thing out of... well, anyone. it's quite satisfying, but it's not all that unusual. i don't mean to downplay the depth of your thought, but honestly we tend to get personal connection from everyone - i almost feel like it's somewhat of a sprinkle-fairy-dust game, the ENFP interacts, hits the personal "core" of things - you get the other person to light up - and then you're satisfied and move on. it's totally "gosh everyone is so lovely". given, i do see how this is somewhat unfair and could even hurt the other person if they think there's more between us than there actually is, but this is pretty much the way i've always interacted, and most people seem to very much appreciate it.

    as for the bold, guilty as charged. it's so much easier to see the good. the bad can almost always be easily excused by circumstance.

    So, then, in what ways are you shy? How do you want people to connect to you as 1) friends and 2) lovers? It seems like ENFPs put themselves out there to everyone and think "Argh, I hope s/he secretly realises I like him the best, despite the fact I am acting the same with everyone" whereas INFPs think "Argh, I hope s/he secretly realises s/he's the object of my affection, despite the fact I can't ever express myself openly because I might look silly or be laughed at."
    shy in the way that i'm very slow to reveal my full self to others. very, very few people know my full self - i'd say maybe 5 people really know the full me: my mom, dad, brother, grandma, and boyfriend. my best friend knows me pretty well but there are even still some facets hidden from her.

    it's actually interesting in that with me you'll see a difference in how i treat the people i like, but it's the opposite of what most would expect. i get more withdrawn and serious when i really like someone, because i become very cautious and calculating - totally different from my usual flirty self. actually it's quite funny because around my boyfriend i'm probably less flirty than i am with other guys at work. but the flirty is a superficial version of me - it's the fairydust me. it's totally about the other person, and about getting them to light up. with my boyfriend i don't play that same game (though i do of course love to make him happy) because we are so close that we're already on that hyperpersonal level. he's already lit up. we're both lit up by one another. it's lovely.

    Quote Originally Posted by PinkIceTD
    But, as you said, I (ENFPs) can do that with everyone. BUT, if that person begins to respond to my interest and starts to ask questions about me and my tastes, then that spikes my emotions even more and then I'm self conscious about coming on wayy too strong and scaring them away. And in some situations I can be concerned with them getting to know who I am, decide it's not what they want and moving on. i take it way too personally. So I can be shy in that way.

    I want people to connect to me by sharing information about themselves and if I share something in return, especially if I consider it embarrassing, to let me know that your opinion of me has not changed. I have no idea if that makes sense. :-)
    this, totally.

    adasta, i hope i answered your question well enough. basically the dichotomy is that i'm quite openly social, but it's a one-way exchange. i'm very good at engaging other people and getting to the heart of what they're interested in. but i'm quite shy in terms of talking about my real interests, and things that are very important to me. i feel very self-conscious leading a conversation about myself or my interests - if i'm leading, i can't spend my time gauging the other person for their interest. and i can't get my "fix" in terms of lighting them up. so my default is to be social, and it's only when approaching the border of becoming truly close with someone that i will become more withdrawn and shy.

    as for partners, i like very straightforward and adamant people. a person who will let me know they want me, reassure me that they're okay with whoever i am, and make it clear that they're interested in me. that footing allows me to open up and really be my full self, and not hide anything, which is a pretty amazing experience. and that footing also allows me to get away from being shy with them.

  10. #450
    Senior Member Adasta's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pinkgraffiti View Post
    Regarding your interactions with ENFPs at parties, if I had had what you considered a meaningful conversation with you then probably it did affect me, but now I want to talk with other people too (fuel my Ne).
    This would be frustrating. It would probably leave me thinking "Oh...I thought we had a connection...S/he probably has more fun with the others anyway."
    That girls are raped, that two boys knife a third,
    Were axioms to him, who'd never heard
    Of any world where promises were kept,
    Or one could weep because another wept.

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