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  1. #391
    Senior Member hermeticdancer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post
    It also puts you in a better place to find a partner who truly completes/complements who you are instead of a partner who supports your own ego ideal of who you would LIKE to be.
    CZE. You made me realize... in your brilliant observation/rant... that I tend to fall for my ego ideal. (is that what you call it?) I have always had super hard crushes on the INFJ type... English teachers, writers, counselors, empathetic, listener types...or well developed ENFPs, INFPs...ENFJs, but mainly, INFP, INFJ I think.
    Not INTJ, as it says so much all over the place... I keep attracting ENTJ/ESTJs. AHHH
    Seriously. I can't help it, am I being disingenuous to my type? I really want an INFJ

  2. #392
    Senior Member hermeticdancer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post
    It also puts you in a better place to find a partner who truly completes/complements who you are instead of a partner who supports your own ego ideal of who you would LIKE to be.
    CZE. You made me realize... in your brilliant observation/rant... that I tend to fall for my ego ideal. (is that what you call it?) I have always had super hard crushes on the INFJ type... English teachers, writers, counselors, empathetic, listener types... but mainly, INFP, INFJ I think.
    Not INTJ, as it says so much all over the place... I keep attracting ENTJ/ESTJs. AHHH
    Seriously. I can't help it, am I being disingenuous to my type? I really want an INFJ
    Last edited by hermeticdancer; 10-31-2010 at 01:42 PM. Reason: sp

  3. #393
    Senior Member boondocked's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post
    One thing I feel compelled to point out about those who don't like dating their own type or their own quad - it's as much and really more about your own self than a critique of the type as a whole. I think it's funny when I hear NFs say that "other" NFs are overly emotional or wussy or whatnot. Most of the time? Untrue.

    Rather it's that you as an NF are emotional and that's why you want or need someone to *balance* that. Which makes sense. Or you want a partner that will allow you to be as emotional and NF-ish as you want to be. Again, this makes sense. People generally want partners who will balance them and also support them.
    This is a nice way to put it.

    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post

    However, I don't think ^^ should come with any attitudes or ideas of being superior to other NF's. What all that ^^ breaks down to is that you yourself cannot provide enough grounding or support for another NF and you especially do not want to lose your place as the one who gets the attention and affirmation for being emotional and sensitive. You are basically being selfish and saying "I'm the only one with permission to be [NF], if someone else does it, they are clingy/annoying/etc." --> Again, these are normal human desires and goals for dating and partnership. "This is my non-negotiable, this is what I'm willing to give - this is how we'll find balance"

    However, masking it under the guise that you are a more well developed NF and therefore have moved beyond dating other NF's is totally disengenuous. "Other NFs don't float my boat" is one thing, but sometimes I hear a tone of derision (?) superiority (?) from NF's when it comes to other NF's. This is like the opposite of the phenomena of NF's who state a preference for NTs or SJs because they go the other extreme of saying they are "too NF" (and all NF's are 'too NF') to the point of being almost helpless in some areas and they need the guidance and support of another type.

    The tone of superiority is kinda like "oh, those NFs are so overly sensitive and emotional, whereas I'm too rational to deal with them, that's why I need another type". I would say most of the time that statement is untrue. When you hate on your own type, you're really just hating on yourself. Instead of pretending you aren't something, or aren't as XYZ as you're supposed to be, it's better to embrace it. It also puts you in a better place to find a partner who truly completes/complements who you are instead of a partner who supports your own ego ideal of who you would LIKE to be.
    All completely valid and made me re-evaluate my post. I suppose it does seem to have that superior tone you mention, whether or not your post was directed at me . I didn't mean it the way it sounds. I truly believe that a healthy person of any type can date any other healthy person of any type. NF/NF doesn't work for me (or hasn't worked yet) because I can't feel the spark, but that's definitely not because I come from an enlightened place of elevated NF-dom or rationality or anything. Probably the opposite. The NFs I know are virtually never as sappy and wussy and soft as I can be. And I've actually never known a clingy one. I'm the one contributing most of the unclipped emotion I mentioned. But the NFs, with their quick facility with emotions, they do tend to make it more intense.

    Maybe I do want to be the only NF in the relationship. It IS hard work being the other sensitive intuitive one while figuring out how to bring differentiated enough skills and gifts to the relationship. It's hard when the things you're good at are the things they're good at, and especially so when they are your exact type. We are all different and special and snowflake and et cetera and everything, but our similarities were just so marked in the situation with my NF ex. Except he got over me and the mess the relationship became much more quickly, I think. It's to his credit. We're decent friends now.

    All this to say that I'm actually more sorry than anything that I posted and I didn't mean for it to come off the way it did.

    Hermeticdancer, maybe the ENTJ/ESTJs are the ones who are coming out of the woodwork to SAY they're attracted, but that doesn't mean they're the only ones . INFJs seem to me like ones to hold their cards pretty close to their chest, crush-wise.

  4. #394

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    Hey Boondocked, my post wasn't directed at you so no need to apologize for posting your honest thoughts I was just browsing through some old threads and I noticed some trends.

    And Hermetic, its so hard to say when we're (over) idealizing someone that's something that a lot of self reflection can answer. It does make sense to be attracted to "types" though whether its typological (isfp) or astrological (leo) or just archetype (bad boy). I think its more about why you like the type and what you think that type brings to you that reveals what you actually think of yourself and what you would like to add to your life. Not being attracted to your own type isn't necessarily disengenuous its the reasons you give and if those reasons match up to your real motivations.

  5. #395
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hermeticdancer View Post
    CZE. You made me realize... in your brilliant observation/rant... that I tend to fall for my ego ideal.
    i do the same. which puts me in a bind sometimes, because it's easy to get frustrated by how awesome that person is, since i have a harder time seeing their flaws as being as bad as mine. i tend to fall for ENFJs in particular, with the occasional well-developed FP (easy to fall for, not great for relationship practicalities).

  6. #396
    Senior Member animenagai's Avatar
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    I hate it when I go out of my way be reasonable and nice to people and get returned by nastiness because they deemed something stupid. The thing is, I know I shouldn't be annoyed, those guys are just douchebags. I know I'm the one being reasonable and I'm not trying to sound cocky. It's like barking back at a dog. Despite this belief, this logic, my emotions have a mind of their own and I can't but feel like I've been punched in the gut. I think this could be a largely 4w3 thing, whatever the cause, it sucks balls and it gives my life a lot of unnecessary drama.
    Chimera of Filth

    A gruesome beast with dripping flesh
    Clings to me as a sick fixture
    My throbbing heart it gnawed apart
    It stalks and hunts me through mirrors

  7. #397
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by animenagai View Post
    I hate it when I go out of my way be reasonable and nice to people and get returned by nastiness because they deemed something stupid. The thing is, I know I shouldn't be annoyed, those guys are just douchebags. I know I'm the one being reasonable and I'm not trying to sound cocky. It's like barking back at a dog. Despite this belief, this logic, my emotions have a mind of their own and I can't but feel like I've been punched in the gut. I think this could be a largely 4w3 thing, whatever the cause, it sucks balls and it gives my life a lot of unnecessary drama.


    my mom ranted to me about similar stuff today, and this wasnt the first time..
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
    — C.G. Jung

    Read

  8. #398

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    Quote Originally Posted by animenagai View Post
    It's like barking back at a dog.
    ...

    I've done that before. Playfully, instinctively, aggressively, as well as in anger.

    Fi FTW!
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

    "I'm outtie 5000" ― Romulux

    Johari/Nohari

  9. #399
    Senior Member animenagai's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post
    ...

    I've done that before. Playfully, instinctively, aggressively, as well as in anger.

    Fi FTW!
    lol So have I Guess that takes away my point a little bit huh? :P

    I experienced that in another forum. Very smart people but very very elitist. They actually encourage flaming over there as a method of keeping the 'intellectual purity' of the place high. As I said, I know I'm right here. They're douchebags, and no matter what I've said, I don't deserve to be insulted like they did to me. It's just unnecessary and plain rude. I just can't help but feel sad thinking about it . I need a hug *looks around with puppy dog eyes*
    Chimera of Filth

    A gruesome beast with dripping flesh
    Clings to me as a sick fixture
    My throbbing heart it gnawed apart
    It stalks and hunts me through mirrors

  10. #400
    Senior Member Vamp's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by animenagai View Post
    lol So have I Guess that takes away my point a little bit huh? :P

    I experienced that in another forum. Very smart people but very very elitist. They actually encourage flaming over there as a method of keeping the 'intellectual purity' of the place high. As I said, I know I'm right here. They're douchebags, and no matter what I've said, I don't deserve to be insulted like they did to me. It's just unnecessary and plain rude. I just can't help but feel sad thinking about it . I need a hug *looks around with puppy dog eyes*
    George Bernard Shaw in cartoon form.

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