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  1. #31
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    satine you know us ENFPs so well!!!

    An ENFP will typically try to explain to the other person why they did something, not as a way to weasel out of the responsibility, but to increase understanding and harmony. Similarly, they will often not be aware of the fact that their transgression is once again in that social manual that everyone seems to know, and therefore not see it fit to actually apologize for something that to them was not intended in harm and in their eyes also didn't really harm anyone.
    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    SO TRUE
    embarrassingly it took one of my Fe dom friends to point out that, uh, hurtful words in arguments are hurtful. this has got to be in that lost social manual. i was like, wait... oh, shit... they were just for the sake of arguing... i think she was dumbfounded. reasonably so.

    2) Flakiness. Wherever the mood takes me, is where I go, making it hard to plan *anything* or not feel forced when I do agree to something when later I don't feel like it anymore
    yeah... it's kind of protective for other people too. if i don't want to do something and go anyway and really am miserable i might just be a bitch the whole time.

    I really really hate what I perceive to be emotional guilttripping ( I grew up in a house of Fe-people, not all equally healthy). It makes me rebel beyond all reason. If you ask me to do something for you genuinly, I'll jump through every hoop to make it so, if I know it to be important to you. Whine that I haven't done it yet, while you didn't even ask, and I'll bend over backwards and cut my own throat before I give you what you want. I *am* working on this
    me too satine. my Fe mom does this sometimes and i HATE it. it's a bad combo of getting distracted and just disliking/avoiding mundane tasks. my mom will do things for me and then guilt-trip and i'll be like wtf! i didn't ask! and then she'll remind me that she'd asked me a week ago.... haha oops...

    I love freedom but leadership can be draining on me. I rather be the 'right hand', as constantly having to think ahead, plan and direct people can be quite daunting.
    yes, me too. i really don't like directing people anyway. second-in-command is a wonderful ENFP position.

  2. #32
    Freyja's Amargith's Avatar
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    Hey guys, thanks for contributing. I've updated the OP, with your help!

    Changes:

    Quote Originally Posted by Satine View Post

    Misunderstandings:

    9) Always talking about ME. ENFPs tend to speak in the 'I'-person, because they experience everything in such an individualistic way. Add to that that we know most people find us weird and we don't wanna speak for others who might experience things different as we're often told that we're the outsiders anyways. On top of that there's a serious need to be understood as the desire to connect is there but clearly it's hard as we're weird This tends to grate people to no end, despite the good intentions of the ENFP as it seems to be all about 'him'. Also, we work with analogies a lot, which is our way of relating. When someone tells us something, the way to let them know that we understand what they're saying is by equally sharing a similar story. Quid pro quo basically. You tell me something about yourself and I'll sync up with you by sharing something similar about myself. This is the way to get to know each other. Unfortunately, we can get wrapped up in that process, and get overenthused in sharing...

    Tendencies:

    7) No follow-through whatsoever. This is suchhhh a pain. There's so much to do an d so little time to do it in that often, when we start a project and see where it should end up, but obstacles get in the way, we get impatient. And the next little bit of shiny is already tempting us. Since we're bogged down in the process and we've seen in our mind how it will likely end, it's just more alluring to figure out the next bit of shiny instead of waiting for things to come together

    8) And then..when we do get into that 'Must follow through!'-phase..get out of our way. Yeah, I truly hate that one as well. It's the whole, 'This shit needs to be done and otherwise I'm just sitting around wasting my time so get the f*ck out of my way, now!' thing. Te. Since we're not exactly that good at it and cannot swing it around for that long (it's frigging tiresome!), most of us tend to have the finesse of a frigging bulldozer when wielding that thing. It just makes people run for cover. The second I invoke that, I'm beyond patience, and things better start happening, even if I have to ram things through people's throats, or start hitting a machine hard. It better be working, dammit! And the second there's the smallest hitch, the thing/person responsible is in serious trouble. This results in my tossing my phone somewhere hard, and freaking people out by the authoritive tone in my otherwise so chipper or calm voice. I've been told my eyes shoot thunderbolts and could kill a man the second I get that way. The reason for this is, I'm in a situation I don't wanna be in, I cannot avoid (see next point!) and I wanna get out, NOW! You're a moron if you stand in my way, seriously. End of discussion.

    9) Avoidance. Man, I love that strategy. If I can avoid problemsolving, especially if it's somethign that requires a lot of work, energy or thinking things through, I will. If I can wing it, I'll take that over planning it out and going through it, as it's such an energy saver. Gets me in all kinds of trouble when I overestimate my capacity to wing it though (I'm slowly getting better at planning only a little while mixing it with winging it though )
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Be careful what you believe, because that is the world you'll create - Cassie Nightingale

  3. #33
    Senior Member Scott N Denver's Avatar
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    Satine, I would like to say EXCELLENT insight and discussion.


    Perhaps I shall start the INFP thread on this. If I do, I might just copy like 80% of your post, and point out the 20% that I don't think applies for INFP's. I'm not sure how really representative of INFP's I am though, so maybe someone else, [OA here is looking at you???] should start that

  4. #34
    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by StarryKnights View Post
    Satine ~ your OP was so insightful.

    And I too thought this was pretty darn funny. My INTJ male friend...I love him more than life itself (whoa that sounded so ENFPie)...but it is so true. He helps me navigate the physical world all the time...and yes he is constantly joking about it but underneath he is saying 'you are okay the way you are'.

    Every ENFP needs an INTJ. At least in my experience - they are able to see who we are behind the outer clumsiness.
    Quote Originally Posted by StarryKnights View Post
    Every ENFP needs an INTJ. At least in my experience - they are able to see who we are behind the outer clumsiness.
    I read somewhere once that an INFJ is the only type that can convince an ENFP to give up their life of crime. To which I thought, in typical ENFP fashion, "hmpf. I have no intentions of giving up my figurative life of crime."

    What StarryKnights wrote here reminded me of this.

    I've seriously dated both an INFJ and an INTJ.

    With the INFJ, it's like he helped me keep my emotional house in order. I was very aware of how he and other people responded EMOTIONALLY to what I did. And, though I hate to admit it, I did let a little of his Fe seep in and I was far more reluctant to shake things up in that uniquely ENxP way that I can. I matured a lot by acquiring this INFJ awareness.

    With the INTJ, it's like he helped me keep my logistical house in order. (<--- Now there's one heck of a term - logistical house. LOL!) I was very aware of how I ran my house and my business and my money. In fact, he helped me "keep my crap together" more than any other boyfriend I've ever had.

    Thanks StarryKnights. That helped me put things into perspective.
    ENFP with kick*ss Te | 7w8 so | ♀

  5. #35
    Uniqueorn William K's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Scott N Denver View Post
    Satine, I would like to say EXCELLENT insight and discussion.


    Perhaps I shall start the INFP thread on this. If I do, I might just copy like 80% of your post, and point out the 20% that I don't think applies for INFP's. I'm not sure how really representative of INFP's I am though, so maybe someone else, [OA here is looking at you???] should start that
    INFPs are all unique individuals, so we only have uncommon issues
    4w5, Fi>Ne>Ti>Si>Ni>Fe>Te>Se, sp > so > sx

    appreciates being appreciated, conflicted over conflicts, afraid of being afraid, bad at being bad, predictably unpredictable, consistently inconsistent, remarkably unremarkable...

    I may not agree with what you are feeling, but I will defend to death your right to have a good cry over it

    The whole problem with the world is that fools & fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts. ~ Bertrand Russell

  6. #36
    Freyja's Amargith's Avatar
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    Actually, I'd love an INFP-thread, it would give me some more insight into which type I could possibly be
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Be careful what you believe, because that is the world you'll create - Cassie Nightingale

  7. #37
    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Satine View Post
    8) And then..when we do get into that 'Must follow through!'-phase..get out of our way. Yeah, I truly hate that one as well. It's the whole, 'This shit needs to be done and otherwise I'm just sitting around wasting my time so get the f*ck out of my way, now!' thing. Te. Since we're not exactly that good at it and cannot swing it around for that long (it's frigging tiresome!), most of us tend to have the finesse of a frigging bulldozer when wielding that thing. It just makes people run for cover. The second I invoke that, I'm beyond patience, and things better start happening, even if I have to ram things through people's throats, or start hitting a machine hard. It better be working, dammit! And the second there's the smallest hitch, the thing/person responsible is in serious trouble. This results in my tossing my phone somewhere hard, and freaking people out by the authoritive tone in my otherwise so chipper or calm voice. I've been told my eyes shoot thunderbolts and could kill a man the second I get that way. The reason for this is, I'm in a situation I don't wanna be in, I cannot avoid (see next point!) and I wanna get out, NOW! You're a moron if you stand in my way, seriously. End of discussion.

    9) Avoidance. Man, I love that strategy. If I can avoid problem solving, especially if it's something that requires a lot of work, energy or thinking things through, I will. If I can wing it, I'll take that over planning it out and going through it, as it's such an energy saver. Gets me in all kinds of trouble when I overestimate my capacity to wing it though (I'm slowly getting better at planning only a little while mixing it with winging it though )
    I belly laughed when I read these. I am guilty of both. This is really a good list Satine.

    Lordy, Lordy. It's a wonder anybody is my friend... like EVER.
    ENFP with kick*ss Te | 7w8 so | ♀

  8. #38
    Senior Member Pixelholic's Avatar
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    Yeah, I'm guilty of all of that.

    I wonder why people put up with me sometimes..
    “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.” -Nietzsche

  9. #39

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    Hmmm...

    IRL, I have never been seen as flirty, attention whoring, a drama queen, failing to follow up on things. I have moments of erratic Te, but in general it is very effective.

    Instead I am seen as fairly cold, reserved and removed. In school I was called an ice queen. I am seen as overly blunt and I fail at Fe politics but I dont lack follow through. I will stand up and speak about my idealistic take on an issue when other people will not, but it will tend to have a very practical bent. It is actually pretty hard to hurt my feelings, even, as I rarely let others that close.

    Much of the list contains part of me that are innate and I can see the patterns, but I tend to have layers and layers of compensation between me and the real world to self correct-not suggesting that is the healthiest approach. Here it is different. you guys are my closest 1000+ plus friends.....gotta love the anon internet....

  10. #40
    Post-Humorously stalemate's Avatar
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    I don't relate to much of the list in the OP. Most of the stuff in the misunderstandings just sounds like generally poor social skills. Social stuff is one of my strongest areas, so I don't relate to those misunderstandings much at all.

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