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  1. #381
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    Quote Originally Posted by phoenix13 View Post
    What we need is someone who wants to take care of us without trying to change us.

    I want someone who doesn't mind doing the mundane stuff I hate (taxes, housework, etc.), and in so doing, enables me to focus on whatever gives my life meaning. An element of empowerment is critical... you don't want someone whose idea of taking care of you is acting like an authoritarian parent and smothering your spontaneous brand of creative living. F*#k that...
    lol last night I had an ISxJ say to me that he felt sorry for my future husband because he'd be damned if he'd allow his wife to paint ONE wall of the living room electric purple...

    of course I'm sure he was half-joking. but only half. and that's the half of SJ men that can scare me, even if I love other things about them

  2. #382
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    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    lol last night I had an ISxJ say to me that he felt sorry for my future husband because he'd be damned if he'd allow his wife to paint ONE wall of the living room electric purple...
    Sorry. I'm already eagerly making plans to turn my offending wall back to a more reasonable and soothing colour.

  3. #383
    Senior Member Malkavia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Moiety View Post
    What do you guys mean by ambitious? And what's your enneagram Malkavia/Crusoe?
    Haven't taken the test yet, but after reading about it I really think I would be enneagram 3.

  4. #384
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    lol last night I had an ISxJ say to me that he felt sorry for my future husband because he'd be damned if he'd allow his wife to paint ONE wall of the living room electric purple...

    of course I'm sure he was half-joking. but only half. and that's the half of SJ men that can scare me, even if I love other things about them
    my ex istj and i had eggplant walls in the dining room at one point...but i get the point of him "letting" her...yeah...gimme a break! haha totally scary for an enfp
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  5. #385
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    my ex istj and i had eggplant walls in the dining room at one point...but i get the point of him "letting" her...yeah...gimme a break! haha totally scary for an enfp
    I just can't figure out how someone can like a weird looking band like Sigue Sigue Sputnik but be horrified by the thought of a bright purple wall.

    That's what is unsettling to me about the SJ mentality - you think you know what is "okay" with them, especially if they seem like a more artistic or edgy SJ - but then they have these sudden rigid STANDARDS and nit-pickyness that are somehow related to what makes them feel ordered and secure.

    You think you have creative room to move...but only if it meets their personal standards of approval. My ESFJ ex would jump on me sometimes for the weirdest shit, stuff that just made no sense to me...and they act like YOU SHOULD KNOW, EVERYBODY KNOWS THIS.

    Maybe it's just the young ones.

    /rant

  6. #386
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Malkavia View Post
    I'm a first generation college student (out of my entire family), I knew what my passion was and have stuck with it. I am now currently a Fulbright Scholar finishing up my masters and Im shooting for working the International Committee for the Red Cross. To me, thats crazy for someone to go from a town of 1,200 in East Texas to the working for a competitive company in the Middle East. I do not feel like I see this permanent, dedicated, ambition in my fellow ENFPs. I'm not trying to condescend in ANY way, it just makes me feel like I don't belong sometimes.
    that's awesome for you!! congrats on your fulbright, and what a neat goal.

    i don't sound as reliable as you - i'm fairly chaotic - but i'm an e3 too, and (god i'm gonna sound like an awful braggart here, sorry guys, it's for the sake of discussion) but i have a trail of awards and such behind me, starting when i was 3 with a coloring contest and leading up to recently graduating college with honors and a bunch of recognitions. i'm a slacker and an overachiever at the same time. this, i find completely consistent with ENFP.

    my personal problem isn't that i can't do well - i'm fairly convinced that when i'm dedicated enough, i can usually blow shit out of the water - it's just that i don't apply myself to things consistently. my problem isn't being dedicated, it's figuring out what i want to be dedicated to!

    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise
    I just can't figure out how someone can like a weird looking band like Sigue Sigue Sputnik but be horrified by the thought of a bright purple wall.
    good point. i google imaged them and it even looks like bright purple would fit in right along with their style.

  7. #387
    Senior Member Malkavia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    that's awesome for you!! congrats on your fulbright, and what a neat goal.

    i don't sound as reliable as you - i'm fairly chaotic - but i'm an e3 too, and (god i'm gonna sound like an awful braggart here, sorry guys, it's for the sake of discussion) but i have a trail of awards and such behind me, starting when i was 3 with a coloring contest and leading up to recently graduating college with honors and a bunch of recognitions. i'm a slacker and an overachiever at the same time. this, i find completely consistent with ENFP.

    my personal problem isn't that i can't do well - i'm fairly convinced that when i'm dedicated enough, i can usually blow shit out of the water - it's just that i don't apply myself to things consistently. my problem isn't being dedicated, it's figuring out what i want to be dedicated to!
    Thats how I feel a lot too! Cool to know!

  8. #388
    Senior Member boondocked's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    Ideally I'd end up with an NTJ or an SFJ. No I'm not kidding. What Petra is talking about, the NFP pairing, sounds like a nightmare to me.
    I feel this way exactly. My most stable relationships have been NTJ or SFJ. I need J, I suppose. NFP is truly frightening for me. I've barely even felt an attraction to any NFP, except as great friends. I do NOT need that much unclipped emotion in my life. Hell, I tried dating an ENFP once, after a whole year of being pursued and waffling back and forth about it. And it was a blicky mess in a matter of a month. And then we had to deal with the fallout for a year. No.

    ISFJ is perfect for me, I think. I may be biased, of course, as I'm dating one now. Introverted, which I've always loved in a partner (I like to get a shovel and really dig sometimes, ya know?). Sensing, which I just find refreshing and always have. Feeling, because we've got to have SOMEthing to connect on. And Judging, most of all. So we have some firm ground under us.

    With SJ's I think it's important for ENFPs especially to find flexible ones. They do exist. I'm pretty sure my ISFJ would let me paint one wall eggplant. I think he'd sit down and have a good laugh about it before and after, but then it would be a nonissue. He likes me because he finds the bizarre things I do charming and so encourages me to do them. I don't know, maybe these things will become an issue further down the road? We've known each other ten years without any problem along those lines (though we've only dated for a year) so I'm not sure.

    But yes. ENFPs and SJs are underrated. Rah Rah Go ENFP/ISFJ!

  9. #389
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    One thing I feel compelled to point out about those who don't like dating their own type or their own quad - it's as much and really more about your own self than a critique of the type as a whole. I think it's funny when I hear NFs say that "other" NFs are overly emotional or wussy or whatnot. Most of the time? Untrue.

    Rather it's that you as an NF are emotional and that's why you want or need someone to *balance* that. Which makes sense. Or you want a partner that will allow you to be as emotional and NF-ish as you want to be. Again, this makes sense. People generally want partners who will balance them and also support them.

    However, I don't think ^^ should come with any attitudes or ideas of being superior to other NF's. What all that ^^ breaks down to is that you yourself cannot provide enough grounding or support for another NF and you especially do not want to lose your place as the one who gets the attention and affirmation for being emotional and sensitive. You are basically being selfish and saying "I'm the only one with permission to be [NF], if someone else does it, they are clingy/annoying/etc." --> Again, not normal human desires and goals for dating and partnership. "I'll be selfish this way, and I'll be selfless this way - this is how we'll find balance"

    However, masking it under the guise that you are a more well developed NF and therefore have moved beyond dating other NF's is totally disengenuous. "Other NFs don't float my boat" is one thing, but sometimes I hear a tone of derision (?) superiority (?) from NF's when it comes to other NF's. This is like the opposite of the phenomena of people who state a preference for NTs or SJs because they go the other extreme of saying they are "too NF" (and all NF's are 'too NF') to the point of being almost helpless in some areas and they need the guidance and support of another type.

    The tone of superiority is kinda like "oh, those NFs are so overly sensitive and emotional, whereas I'm too rational to deal with them, that's why I need another type". I would say most of the time that statement is untrue. When you hate on your own type, you're really just hating on yourself. Instead of pretending you aren't something, or aren't as XYZ as you're supposed to be, it's better to embrace it. It also puts you in a better place to find a partner who truly completes/complements who you are instead of a partner who supports your own ego ideal of who you would LIKE to be.

    I remember dating an INFP who was pretty nutty and Fi crazy herself and she would act as if she were the rational one and she got so stressed out dating OTHER dramatic and emotional women. I am probably the least selfish, drama prone person she has ever dated. Period. So it made me go :rolli: on the inside to hear that. Do I still date NFs? Yes.

    Everyone has ideas and ideals of who they want to be and therefore who they should partner with. That's part of the human experience. I just think it's important to be really honest and accurate in your own self-assessment and figuring out the "whys" behind your preferences. You don't have to be into other NFs just because you are one yourself, and preferring to date an NT or SJ or SP is fine and dandy. It's the reasoning you give that is the real important stuff.

    I'm not saying at all that most or even many members who've stated preferences for other quads or aversion to dating other NF's has been disingenuous or misguided in their reasoning, but yes it does happen.
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

    "I'm outtie 5000" ― Romulux

    Johari/Nohari

  10. #390
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    One thing I feel compelled to point out about those who don't like dating their own type or their own quad - it's as much and really more about your own self than a critique of the type as a whole. I think it's funny when I hear NFs say that "other" NFs are overly emotional or wussy or whatnot. Most of the time? Untrue.

    Rather it's that you as an NF are emotional and that's why you want or need someone to *balance* that. Which makes sense. Or you want a partner that will allow you to be as emotional and NF-ish as you want to be. Again, this makes sense. People generally want partners who will balance them and also support them.

    However, I don't think ^^ should come with any attitudes or ideas of being superior to other NF's. What all that ^^ breaks down to is that you yourself cannot provide enough grounding or support for another NF and you especially do not want to lose your place as the one who gets the attention and affirmation for being emotional and sensitive. You are basically being selfish and saying "I'm the only one with permission to be [NF], if someone else does it, they are clingy/annoying/etc." --> Again, these are normal human desires and goals for dating and partnership. "This is my non-negotiable, this is what I'm willing to give - this is how we'll find balance"

    However, masking it under the guise that you are a more well developed NF and therefore have moved beyond dating other NF's is totally disengenuous. "Other NFs don't float my boat" is one thing, but sometimes I hear a tone of derision (?) superiority (?) from NF's when it comes to other NF's. This is like the opposite of the phenomena of NF's who state a preference for NTs or SJs because they go the other extreme of saying they are "too NF" (and all NF's are 'too NF') to the point of being almost helpless in some areas and they need the guidance and support of another type.

    The tone of superiority is kinda like "oh, those NFs are so overly sensitive and emotional, whereas I'm too rational to deal with them, that's why I need another type". I would say most of the time that statement is untrue. When you hate on your own type, you're really just hating on yourself. Instead of pretending you aren't something, or aren't as XYZ as you're supposed to be, it's better to embrace it. It also puts you in a better place to find a partner who truly completes/complements who you are instead of a partner who supports your own ego ideal of who you would LIKE to be.

    I remember dating an INFP who was pretty nutty and Fi crazy herself and she would act as if she were the rational one and she got so stressed out dating OTHER dramatic and emotional women. I am probably the least selfish, drama prone person she has ever dated. Period. So it made me go :rolli: on the inside to hear that. Do I still date NFs? Yes.

    Everyone has ideas and ideals of who they want to be and therefore who they should partner with. That's part of the human experience. I just think it's important to be really honest and accurate in your own self-assessment and figuring out the "whys" behind your preferences. You don't have to be into other NFs just because you are one yourself, and preferring to date an NT or SJ or SP is fine and dandy. It's the reasoning you give that is the real important stuff.

    I'm not saying at all that most or even many members who've stated preferences for other quads or aversion to dating other NF's has been disingenuous or misguided in their reasoning, but yes it does happen.
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

    "I'm outtie 5000" ― Romulux

    Johari/Nohari

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