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  1. #351
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    Quote Originally Posted by noigmn View Post
    The patience thing is funny, because one of my weird quirks that doesn't fit the rest of my personality is I like some meticulous things. I've never been good at drawing or painting, but things like maths, untangling complete messes of rope or wool, looking through statistics, sorting papers into groups, rearranging my cd collection into perfect order, proof reading documents, they give me a calming, peaceful feeling.
    This is tertiary Te. Te is our 'comfort function' so it gives us an escape from our usual mode of being. I remember when I took my college maths and a Chemistry class definitely being aware that it wasn't my natural strength, and yet it felt like a calming escape from my usually endless analysis of people, society, and relationships. It was this marvelous thing that would preoccupy my mind without causing any emotional response.

    It also has manifested itself at some of my part-time jobs: I love love love arranging counters and breaking down stations at the end of the night at a restaurant, as long as I'm left alone to organize, and when I worked at a grocery store I had this very meticulous, orderly way of bagging which soothed any stress I felt toward the customers. I also used to love to put misplaced items back on the shelves where they belonged.

    When I am bogged down in my personal problems, things that make me feel at ease include accomplishing tasks in an orderly fashion, feeling as though I am "on top of things" in terms of errands/chores ... I'm sure there are other things that just aren't occuring to me at the moment.

    Of course, this Te relief can also show itself in more negative ways like suddenly becoming combative, controlling, or aggressive with people. However, my Fi loves it when I can use Te in this nastier way in the name of protecting others.

  2. #352

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    yeah i have no idea why math is my biggest strength maybe because i wouldnt call it linked to T more to N because you dont need much T in math you need a sense for ideas and possible outcomes.. or ite bc i had v traumstic childhood so i spent much time in stress focusing on lower functions.. but i get extremely annoyed sometimes when people are unable to organize themselves. I am messy but I CAN do it when i want to but when people are unable to do it i am just shocked and irritated, even more than when my values get offended i am prepared for that it doesnt surprise me as often, just different annoyance, like of capability to org yourself just makes me hit you, even when its someone i love, but i will get calm soon like nothing happened.
    as for what noigmn said about doing math it has very relaxing and calming effect on me, like its my escape for a while. i definately dont do that Si relief thing with cleaning.
    I am also very interested in organizing, change leadership I like when things change ane when i can make it happen and absolutely hate when things dont get done to make best changes

  3. #353
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    Attraction to very orderly structured stubborn SJs and robotic INTJs. Don't want schedules or other people to control me, yet have strong attraction to structure and dominance in men. Read murder mysteries for escape, think this is connected to attraction to order.

    I've heard ENFPs are attracted to IxTJs. I just wonder if it's an ENFP thing or because I'm an E6. It seems almost non-sensical and paradoxical. It's been going on since my early 20's. I think I want someone to take care of me. This is bizarre since I usually rebel against other people's idea of structure.

    It seems as though an ENFP would want to be with someone a little more loose and easy-going, but then again that makes me feel like I'd have to be the one in charge and I don't want that.

    I think I need my head examined.

  4. #354
    A snowstorm is coming... Amargith's Avatar
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    It's the security and confidence that does us in. For us, there are constantly numerous pathways to take and yet they seem so sure about that one pathway..And the way they explain it, it sounds very good, though a bit scary = adventure. Meanwhile we don't have to scout like a maniac and worry about which path to take. We can just go along for the ride. Not just that, they will actually plan the journey, something I royally suck at. And while I enjoy pulling out the occasional rabbit out of my hat to resolve a situation, it's exhausting to have to rely on that constantly, and causes anxiety and stress as you have no idea of what lies ahead. They seem to know...at least the main parts. And, I get to still run free, and fill in the details with rabbits as they don't plan it down completely. So I have the creative freedom to do what I want within the boundaries they give me, which are wide enough for me to not feel caged while at the same time providing a sense of security as I only have to do the rabbit trick with minor stuff and I cannot fuck up anything big, since that's been taken care of with their preparation. It creates a safe haven where they are, which makes me wanna be there, regain my strenght, only to bolt back out the door and go play magician once more without feeling like frigging Atlas.
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  5. #355
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    I wonder if other male ENFPs ever feel attracted to ITJs. I can't say I ever did.

    I think that thing for that kind of security might be a female thing.

  6. #356

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    I am attracted to INFP men mostly and ENFP. I was insanely in love with ISTJ but I changed too much since then, I dont see how that would work. Understanding with other NFP men is perfect, so smooth.

  7. #357
    Member MBTI Enthusiast's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Moiety View Post
    I wonder if other male ENFPs ever feel attracted to ITJs. I can't say I ever did.

    I think that thing for that kind of security might be a female thing.
    That's exactly what I was wondering... I'm a female ISTJ and I'm wondering how long it will take the ENFP guy I like to figure this out and possibly become bored with me. They say ISTJ/ENFP are naturally attracted to each other, but I think this may be only when the ISTJ is male and the ENFP is female since these are seemingly the stereotypical male/female roles. It may not work so well when the genders are reversed...

  8. #358
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    ^Yeah.

    Due to stereotypes it's an easy relationship to form (and the attraction can be explained by opposites attracting when tempered...they might not last, but they attract. Nature wants our children to be balanced versions of ourselves, so you "need" some Si to balance that Ne etc etc).

    ENFP males and ISTJ females just defy that stereotype. I wouldn't be worried about the ENFP becoming bored of you. I'd worry about you guys wanting the same things out of life, and believing in the same processes to achieve those things.

  9. #359

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    Quote Originally Posted by Vamp View Post
    I think I might have been gendered backwards by my family/environment or something (culture could be an issue too. there's a "subsex" going on) because I can't relate to the sensitivity thing, either.

    When I was little, i was told by the women in my family to "man up" (basically). Sometimes, I don't know if I'm sensitive or not. My family is full of what mainstream society would deem "masculine" women but they're just black/"african american" cultured. You don't cry, you don't whine, you don't get upset about silly girly things you keep moving or you battle it out. I've never avoided conflict, I feel it purges: I can't relate to the peacekeeper in most ENFPs. My family believes I am sensitive because I have problems with depression (and am "troubled"/ "weird") and I guess I am compared to them but compared to my friends I seem way less sensitive.

    Is there a sensitivity test?

    Changing gears a little bit; how many of you have been misread or mistyped by someone else as ESFP?
    My Se is higher than it's ever been. I know that doesn't make me on but I think I can come off as an ESFP sometimes. I read and believe that ENFP and ESFP are look a likes.
    I can relate to this - not the african-american or gendered experience sppecifically but family and cultural upbringing. I grew up with first generation asian immigrant parents in a hardcore NT environment. I don't think my family was emblematic per sae of "East Asian" families as I realized much later how many families of similar backgrounds to mine were much warmer and easy going. But, my family was definitely still an example of hardcore parenting and cultural influences.

    I was drilled into to be stoic at all times and constantly harassed and harangued by my family to fit in and be exactly like them which I wasn't. Any displays of emotions or "weakness" were basically ridiculed and we never ever talked about our feelings or how we felt about each other or things in general. It did teach a lot of emotional selfisufficiency and a type of "toughness" since whining or crying got you less than nowhere. For me it just reinforced the concept of picking your battles. It was a cold sometimes hostile environment so I learned a lot of patience and how to put on a good poker face. I think it also helped with fake Fe or being more aware and sensitive to what is going on around me with other people as I was often put into the role of silent observer.

  10. #360
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    Quote Originally Posted by Moiety View Post
    I wonder if other male ENFPs ever feel attracted to ITJs. I can't say I ever did.

    I think that thing for that kind of security might be a female thing.
    I wonder if it's because I'm an enneagram six. We have a strong need for security and an attraction to authority, even if our relationship with authority otherwise manifests itself as rebelliousness.

    My longest relationship was actually with an ESFJ. I've had several attractions or shorter relationships with ISxJs. I only briefly dated one INTJ about ten years ago, but I have been strongly attracted to others.

    Ideally I'd end up with an NTJ or an SFJ. No I'm not kidding. What Petra is talking about, the NFP pairing, sounds like a nightmare to me. Sounds like it would either be boring, or at least like I'd have to be the "in charge" person which I do not want.

    I was attracted to SPs in my teens but I've changed so much since then, no fucking way. I'm like the opposite of Petra in that regard lol.

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