And since they both recognize each others right to be who they are, they will give each other space (much like cats in a colony timeshare on the common goods so they don't have to be near one another but can still live together), enough space, not to irk one another.
If corevalues are being tripped in one, the other Fi-user will accomodate that person as they figure out what *exactly* set it off (providing it does not, as before, curb an important freedom-need of the other Fi-user). The willingness to listen to the other is what calms down Fi. The feeling that the other is, without judgement or expectation trying to calmly flesh out what happened, and truly wants to understand, is what Fi needs. As pointed out before, the core of respect and friendship is the fact that you make an effort to understand *who the person is*. And you do that by active listening, asking open questions without making assumptions. You can at some point go: so, what you're saying is: [insert sommation of info], but it had better be only a summing up of the facts, and not a conclusion+judgement.
And then...something magical happens. The second you get that right, you can judge. You can think what you want. You can disagree with it, presenting your view on it, you can tell them it's not for you, as long as you can demonstrate that you've actually grasped the pov correctly
. The second you understand, the second that I can tell that you truly grasp what I'm on about, that you can see my pov, I can totally understand it being immoral, unethical or whatever it is yo uthink of it. I will still not allow you to impose your views on me, but I will respect your pov on the matter and will minimize the behavior that irks you so, around you, *becoz I care for you*.
But if you judge before you actually grasp the perspective, your judgement will be overruled. It's invalid at that point as it is based on incomplete info and therefore corrupted in my eyes. If you keep to a faulty pov, it becomes a sore topic. You're not making an effort to understand the way it's meant, and therefore I cannot accept your opinion or respect it. And that *will* show in the way I relate to you on that topic.
As for the other way around: how to tell a Fi-user to back off.
The best way is to ask for their understanding. Make them aware that something is emotionally off with you and they will pause to make space to figure it out. At that point, the best thing to do is explain to them your pov and why certain words or phrases make you cringe. Speak in 'I
experience this this way', instead of 'You
r way of being..' and flesh out how things would work for you. Once you do, realize that the Fi-user will adjust to what you prefer becoz they care for you, especially if you didn't hit a Fi-value in them, they'll be very adaptable normally. However, don't expect them to change their behavior with anyone else. Fi-users create a bond with everyone, formed on what that person needs, the fi-values they hold and what the extend of their bond is..not a general approach. It doesn't mean that we're 'lying to you' or just 'pretending to get you off of our backs' when we adjust, it actually is a sign of love as this is how we build a bond with someone, figuring out the perfect agreement that makes us both happy and comfortable.