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Thread: Common ENFP issues

  1. #211
    Butterfly up. Array Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by onemoretime View Post

    I remember a few months back when we talked about the "Fi-nudge" and how it hit me the wrong way. I'm now beginning to realize that this is the "Fe-nudge", and why it feels manipulative to you. In reality, this is often simply done to gently remind a person to think about someone other than themselves, and act accordingly. It doesn't feel manipulative, because the intended response to it is to go through a thought process of one's own that would inevitably lead to the conclusion that the "nudger" was trying to impart. If any negative reaction occurs, it's the frustration (in Freudian terms) of the id being smacked down by the superego - you know it's right, but you're mad that a.) you let yourself slip and get selfish and b.) that you don't get to satisfy that desire. You don't feel manipulated, though, because the other person's right, and was simply reminding you to think the whole thing through.

    However, if you're not prone to go through that thought process (you could see this as the Fe-Ti bridge), the only thing this would appeal to is the nature of one's relationship with that person, and the fear of the deterioration of that relationship. The use of fear to coerce is the very definition of manipulation, so I understand why you could see it that way.


    Thanks for replying in such a detailed way

    I get that this is a normal process for Fe-users, and that it works for you guys. Thanks btw for explaining it like this, it should help me greatly in disabling my irritation with it and understand it better. Question however...what happens if a Fe-user gives you that nudge, and as a Fi-user, you reevaluate and still decide that the proper course of action for *you* just aint the communal one that the Fe-user was nudging you for? Will they be back to guilttrip you again? How do I explain to them that it just aint going to happen and how do I make them understand why?
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  2. #212
    Dreaming the life Array onemoretime's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Satine View Post
    Thanks for replying in such a detailed way

    I get that this is a normal process for Fe-users, and that it works for you guys. Thanks btw for explaining it like this, it should help me greatly in disabling my irritation with it and understand it better. Question however...what happens if a Fe-user gives you that nudge, and as a Fi-user, you reevaluate and still decide that the proper course of action for *you* just aint the communal one that the Fe-user was nudging you for? Will they be back to guilttrip you again? How do I explain to them that it just aint going to happen and how do I make them understand why?
    Present your logic, and be resolute. Say, "I understand why you're saying what you do, but it just doesn't work for me because of this. I appreciate what you're trying to do for me, but right now, I have to go this alone." Usually, you'll get some response like "OK, just don't forget that we're here for you - we want the best for you!"

    Presentation is 90% of the game. If you've got a stiff backbone, no one's going to try to convince you otherwise; your strength of will is simply too overwhelming.

  3. #213
    Senior Member Array angelhair45's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Satine View Post
    Odd..so what gives that distinct 'vibe' of an ENFP and what makes it different from the INFP vibe? Perhaps the Te-hammer then?

    I can do weeks and weeks of being only with my so in the house with just you peeps here online, no prob. In fact, I like it that way most of the time. When he's gone, I get antsy after a week or so, though sometimes I also really welcome that week. No so and no internet results in internet within a day.
    The only way I could go weeks and week with only seeing my immediate family is if I have introverted for some reason such as depression, a rut, fatigue etc. If I am just being my normal self I only like short periods of time by myself like a half day, day at the most. If it goes longer than that for some reason that I can't control then it can turn into a rut or depression etc.
    http://bohemianextrovert.wordpress.com/
    Please excuse the long drawn out ramble above.
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  4. #214
    Senior Member Array Rebe's Avatar
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    I distinctly remember one day when I was spending time with my roommate and then, with my other friend plus roommate, and then, my other other friend for a few minutes, and then I had a date with the guy and my other friend. I was exhilarated with the interactions, I loved it, but by the time night came, I was very quiet because I guess I was worn out already and recharging. But seeing and interacting with people who I love like that all in one day was awesome.

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    it was almost cathartic reading this. I laughed cried. I cant believe how familiar the whole list was and im also glad to hear it from a fellow ENFP because it comes off alot more affectionately and is more understanding that way

    One id add is oversensitivity though im not sure if thats personal to me only

  6. #216
    i love Array skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Satine View Post
    Odd..so what gives that distinct 'vibe' of an ENFP and what makes it different from the INFP vibe? Perhaps the Te-hammer then?
    hahah Te-hammer. yeahhh. making any NFP angry isn't really pleasant. my parents keep telling me the way i argue, i ought to be a lawyer

    anyway -- ENFPs and INFPs both seem very multi-layered to me - but INFPs seem both more outwardly calm and more grounded. INFP really makes me think more of softer colors, and black and white, and ENFP of organic brown and jewel tones. vibe-wise. odd, i guess, but i'm a super visual person. oh, and INFPs have a very deep sense of determination, it also seems, and a hint more darkness than ENFP. ENFP has a deep-rooted sense of faith and optimism, and is more of a chameleon in terms of identity and living contradictions.

    Quote Originally Posted by Emectar View Post
    it was almost cathartic reading this. I laughed cried. I cant believe how familiar the whole list was and im also glad to hear it from a fellow ENFP because it comes off alot more affectionately and is more understanding that way

    One id add is oversensitivity though im not sure if thats personal to me only
    agreed even other Fs have told me this!!

  7. #217
    Senior Member Array angelhair45's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    hahah Te-hammer. yeahhh. making any NFP angry isn't really pleasant. my parents keep telling me the way i argue, i ought to be a lawyer

    anyway -- ENFPs and INFPs both seem very multi-layered to me - but INFPs seem both more outwardly calm and more grounded. INFP really makes me think more of softer colors, and black and white, and ENFP of organic brown and jewel tones. vibe-wise. odd, i guess, but i'm a super visual person. oh, and INFPs have a very deep sense of determination, it also seems, and a hint more darkness than ENFP. ENFP has a deep-rooted sense of faith and optimism, and is more of a chameleon in terms of identity and living contradictions.



    agreed even other Fs have told me this!!
    I am so oversensitive when I get on the defensive. That has probably cause more arguments in my lifetime than anything else. I am REALLY trying not to be, and making progress lately.
    http://bohemianextrovert.wordpress.com/
    Please excuse the long drawn out ramble above.
    I have to hear what I've said before I know what I think.

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  8. #218
    Senior Member Array Chloe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by angelhair45 View Post
    I am so oversensitive when I get on the defensive. That has probably cause more arguments in my lifetime than anything else. I am REALLY trying not to be, and making progress lately.
    i am also super oversensitive. i managed to reduce it by accepting it... i used to tell myself all the time "dont be so oversensitive" and nothing worked, but ever since i accepted that part... feelings... i am less sensitive.
    i hope it will continue that way.

  9. #219
    Senior Member Array angelhair45's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chloee View Post
    i am also super oversensitive. i managed to reduce it by accepting it... i used to tell myself all the time "dont be so oversensitive" and nothing worked, but ever since i accepted that part... feelings... i am less sensitive.
    i hope it will continue that way.
    Interesting. For me, I'm not trying to fight the feelings as much as I'm trying to realize it's not personal just because I feel it is. It's not an attack on my character just because I am feeling attacked. It's me, not them (generally).
    http://bohemianextrovert.wordpress.com/
    Please excuse the long drawn out ramble above.
    I have to hear what I've said before I know what I think.

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  10. #220
    Senior Member Array Chloe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by angelhair45 View Post
    Interesting. For me, I'm not trying to fight the feelings as much as I'm trying to realize it's not personal just because I feel it is. It's not an attack on my character just because I am feeling attacked. It's me, not them (generally).
    yes, that's what i thought too by "oversensitive"; taking everything personally...

    only way its improving for me is by accepting i am sensitive and that i take it personally and feel judged... i kind of talk to myself "it's okay, darling, you're sensitive, i understand you" not talking myself out of it with "it wasnt personal" because my feelings dont understand that language, rational. they understand only empathic approach... kind of getting through the feelings rather than talking myself out of them

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