Yep, PB, I would concur with Cze Cze's explanation!
You're also right about Fe rules changing from group to group. It's not about conventions, but about finding a way to make things work for as many people as possible within that specific setting. You could take the same group of people on a different day and some of those variables may change again. Therefore Fe is about adjusting and also trying to facilitate the best set of circumstances possible.
Re chores analogy: I guess it's not so much that we have to keep a check system all the time. However, I'll probably notice if someone has been trying extra hard to accommodate me, which will afford them extra rope sometime when they don't have that to give. I'm thinking maybe it has to do with Fe looking at the picture of the very long term whereas Fi evaluates it more on a time by time basis. Is that possible?
You are right PB that under normal circumstances, I would have probably adjusted to EW and either tried to state things solely in her terms or just abandoned the conversation. I was not the only INFJ who reacted that way though. It was pretty across the board. I felt though that if she was trying to understand how we thought, it would make sense for her to make some of the adjustments. Here, I am a visitor and while I feel welcome to be a part of the conversation, it is the equivalent of visiting someone else's home or organization. While I'm here, I do things as close as I can to what works for the ENFPs and try to better understand them. If we meet in some public place, then both of us try to do some accommodating/adjusting in style and perception.
Thanks Marm for your perspective. I think that would make sense!
EW - By the way, I will try what you suggest in terms of writing. I really envy that ability that you guys have!