Wow, this thread goes fast
However, this is only done if I am certain that you care about me enough to care about what I have to say on the matter. For people who I don't feel close with, if you miss the cue, I won't try to return to the subject because I don't want to be rude by making you talk about my problem when you are not that interested.
I know it sounds bad to be this aware of conversational cues. You might be wondering if nothing is spontaneous/true/uncalculated at all? The answer is yes and no. When I feel extremely safe, all the calculations drop away, but still, I am always aware of how my emotions and actions might affect you. So if you show the slightest sign of discomfort, I take it that our "team" (collective happiness) is in trouble and I will immediately adjust my mood/tone to make the situation good for us again. Hope that makes sense
I don't like "formal social rules" either, and usually I feel relieved when I'm close enough to someone I don't have to do it anymore. Usually, if I love you and I know you love me, I will let you know what I'm really feeling and if I need to vent I will say so.
However, on a deeper level, Fe is still different from Fi in that it's all about the team spirit. We are a team. We do whatever it takes for the good of the team ("us"). Fidelia's post about the emotional bank account illustrates it very well. I think as long as we know you are still invested (and are still interested in making those deposits <translate: care about us>) we will be fine with it.
As you get closer and closer, the INFJ will feel less pressure to be "perfect" and that's a sign of trust. I think Fi has the loving capacity to draw INFJs out to be truly themselves.
Multi-quotes are confusing...