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[ENFJ] Impossible ENFJs

Moiety

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Do you know any impossible ENFJs? That person that always thinks everyone is out to get them, gets hurt by any sort of commentary, doesn't see any value in logic and has Se outbursts?

How do you deal with one of those?
 

Arclight

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Thalassa

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Hey sounds like me!

*hides*
 

Sparrow

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I actually do know one! She is an older lady that I work with who is NUTS.

She got in trouble on Friday, a couple people complained about her to the supervisor and she got butt hurt...afterwards she pulled me aside to talk and she pretty much broke down crying :( poor lady. I listened, gave her advice on how to handle the crazy situations she gets herself into, & tried to relate with her.

All they need is someone to trust and to confide in, and someone who will tell them the truth about their behavior- **but in a supppper tactful/gentle way.
 

Moiety

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I actually do know one! She is an older lady that I work with who is NUTS.

She got in trouble on Friday, a couple people complained about her to the supervisor and she got butt hurt...afterwards she pulled me aside to talk and she pretty much broke down crying :( poor lady. I listened, gave her advice on how to handle the crazy situations she gets herself into, & tried to relate with her.

All they need is someone to trust and to confide in, and someone who will tell them the truth about their behavior- **but in a supppper tactful/gentle way.

What if they are your mother and you are a maverick of an ENXP who is blunt as a mace, hates being controlled, tries to use logic to gain agreement with people and is not allowed to disagree with anything?
 

invaderzim

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My dad is an ENFJ and he behaves like nut sometimes. Especially, when he's in an environment where the values or morals are bad/non-existent. He gets very self-righteous, arrogant, and a starts using a subjective type of logic.
We argue and end up in some type of Fe-Fe explosion.that goes something like this: :ng_mad::girlfight::ranting:. And leaves us both drained because the interaction was so toxic. I always just save my "observations" for the right moments. Unhealthy enfj's get energized by wild emotional displays. The only thing that slows my dad down is absorbing huge amounts of negative energy that makes him feel like: :eek:uch:
 

Sparrow

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What if they are your mother and you are a maverick of an ENXP who is blunt as a mace, hates being controlled, tries to use logic to gain agreement with people and is not allowed to disagree with anything?

Oh man, mom's are a different story. Maybe try and share other perspectives with her, be patient, have empathy for her, and be nice! :cheese:
 

toast

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I know an ENFJ guy who is impossible in that he uses very subjective logic and a ridiculously strong idealism to think it is HIS personal responsibility to mend/fix/help EVERY person and relationship and social system on the planet.

He once tried for hours to get someone at animal control to come to a park on a Sunday because he saw an opossum in a hole at midday and thought it must be sick because it looked "lethargic." He was completely baffled when everyone protested that he was going overboard, and seemed immune to reasoning such as 1) opossums are nocturnal and sleep in holes. 2) animal control doesn't give a crap about one opossum in a hole in the park.

He really believed that someone would share his worry and conviction and come down to confirm it had rabies or something so that the "poor thing" would be put out of its misery and the world would be a safer place for all. He spent about an hour total outside its hole harassing it, the entire event (a bbq party) rattling on about it, and half a week leaving messages on people's answering machines trying to get animal control to hear his plea.

This was minor. He also had a phase where he got the idea to reunite his girlfriend's son with the boy's abusive father (who she had taken great effort to hide their whereabouts from after he was released from prison) AGAINST HER WILL OR KNOWLEDGE. The father had been making threats to kidnap the child and take him to Mexico (as well as doing various nasty things to her). He thought that by arranging a surprise reunion he could get everyone talking and 'work it all out' or something. Fortunately he contacted a bunch of people beforehand to ask their opinion on the idea and was dissuaded.

He seems completely stable most of the time. He says he's bipolar but that only seems to show up in his relationship. It has been pretty scary for me because I see qualities in him that are so reflective of a kind of 'primal' me. A lot of the things he says and does remind me of things I learned NOT to let myself do when I was about 6 or 7 years old. haha. It's freaky that someone can hold onto that way of thinking and naivety for half their life.
 

digesthisickness

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i hope his girlfriend dumped his ass.
 

toast

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Nope. I'm sure if he'd actually gone through with it she would have. He was just so damn ignorant. Claimed he 'didn't have the whole story' because he'd never met the guy. He was also having other issues with her around the same time and his trust in her was shaky. So he thought he didn't have the whole truth because she wasn't communicating with him a lot. So he didn't know specifics about the guy, just that he was "bad news." This was also right after he knocked her up, so he was thinking circles around the idea of being a dad and his empathy spilled out for the ex and got the better of him. He did ask a lot of people about it, I'm guessing because he knew it was full of holes.

He's also one of those people who seem to generalize a lot. Like, he will identify you in stereotype based on your preferences to an extreme. Reagan was my "favorite president" when I was a kid. My sister told him and he seemed offended because he said he "didn't have (me) pegged as a capital elitist."

Lulz ensued.

His ideas of authority can get out of hand too. He'll talk to anyone who looks the part of an authority of a subject with near adoration, but be severely dismissive to hearing the opinions of others. Treats people in "service" as if they are all mentally handicap.

He can be very nice and supportive on the other end. I don't think he's capable of saying no to someone in need. One of those "I'll jump in my car right now, doesn't matter what time it is!" kinda guys. (Which most ENFJs will probably tell you is not always a virtue and has it's own problems & selfish implications.) But his judgments are too severe and out of control. His intuition is master over him and not visa versa. And he spews Fe in a way that makes him seem high half the time. He's just not very well rounded. He hasn't got much of a clue how to handle himself and it spills into his interactions.
 
G

Glycerine

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You don't. RUN AWAY. You don't need to put up with that crap. :D
 

digesthisickness

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Nope. I'm sure if he'd actually gone through with it she would have. He was just so damn ignorant. Claimed he 'didn't have the whole story' because he'd never met the guy. He was also having other issues with her around the same time and his trust in her was shaky. So he thought he didn't have the whole truth because she wasn't communicating with him a lot. So he didn't know specifics about the guy, just that he was "bad news." This was also right after he knocked her up, so he was thinking circles around the idea of being a dad and his empathy spilled out for the ex and got the better of him. He did ask a lot of people about it, I'm guessing because he knew it was full of holes.

He's also one of those people who seem to generalize a lot. Like, he will identify you in stereotype based on your preferences to an extreme. Reagan was my "favorite president" when I was a kid. My sister told him and he seemed offended because he said he "didn't have (me) pegged as a capital elitist."

Lulz ensued.

His ideas of authority can get out of hand too. He'll talk to anyone who looks the part of an authority of a subject with near adoration, but be severely dismissive to hearing the opinions of others. Treats people in "service" as if they are all mentally handicap.

He can be very nice and supportive on the other end. I don't think he's capable of saying no to someone in need. One of those "I'll jump in my car right now, doesn't matter what time it is!" kinda guys. (Which most ENFJs will probably tell you is not always a virtue and has it's own problems & selfish implications.) But his judgments are too severe and out of control. His intuition is master over him and not visa versa. And he spews Fe in a way that makes him seem high half the time. He's just not very well rounded. He hasn't got much of a clue how to handle himself and it spills into his interactions.

this entire post makes me ill. i want to run, and he's not even around. i'd do it anyway, but i'm scared i may run right into him.
 

Jaguar

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May 5, 2007
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20,647
I know an ENFJ guy who is impossible in that he uses very subjective logic and a ridiculously strong idealism to think it is HIS personal responsibility to mend/fix/help EVERY person and relationship and social system on the planet.

Who the hell does he think he is, caring about all those people?
He must be removed from the planet at once!
 
R

ReflecTcelfeR

Guest
Nope. I'm sure if he'd actually gone through with it she would have. He was just so damn ignorant. Claimed he 'didn't have the whole story' because he'd never met the guy. He was also having other issues with her around the same time and his trust in her was shaky. So he thought he didn't have the whole truth because she wasn't communicating with him a lot. So he didn't know specifics about the guy, just that he was "bad news." This was also right after he knocked her up, so he was thinking circles around the idea of being a dad and his empathy spilled out for the ex and got the better of him. He did ask a lot of people about it, I'm guessing because he knew it was full of holes.

He's also one of those people who seem to generalize a lot. Like, he will identify you in stereotype based on your preferences to an extreme. Reagan was my "favorite president" when I was a kid. My sister told him and he seemed offended because he said he "didn't have (me) pegged as a capital elitist."

Lulz ensued.

His ideas of authority can get out of hand too. He'll talk to anyone who looks the part of an authority of a subject with near adoration, but be severely dismissive to hearing the opinions of others. Treats people in "service" as if they are all mentally handicap.

He can be very nice and supportive on the other end. I don't think he's capable of saying no to someone in need. One of those "I'll jump in my car right now, doesn't matter what time it is!" kinda guys. (Which most ENFJs will probably tell you is not always a virtue and has it's own problems & selfish implications.) But his judgments are too severe and out of control. His intuition is master over him and not visa versa. And he spews Fe in a way that makes him seem high half the time. He's just not very well rounded. He hasn't got much of a clue how to handle himself and it spills into his interactions.

I would like to meet him someday, or someone like him... he seems interesting.
 

mmhmm

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i limit my time spent with them.
if at a meal, only weekday lunches.

avoid weekends. and dinners.
 

Afkan

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Jan 3, 2009
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Do you know any impossible ENFJs? That person that always thinks everyone is out to get them, gets hurt by any sort of commentary, doesn't see any value in logic and has Se outbursts?

How do you deal with one of those?

How would you describe "Se outbursts," for my own educational purposes?
 

Afkan

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Jan 3, 2009
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Also, being an ENFJ myself and being able to relate to the OP's description on some days... I wonder if we could list reasons *why* enfjs can get so messed up & what they can do abt it.
Speaking for myself, typically the reasoning is something is making me unbearably miserable & I don't wanna face it but its constantly staring me in the face so I overanalyze people's intentions, comments, w/e...
As a way of distracting myself from .... myself. :/ And my real problems.

Oh this is totally projecting btw.
 
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