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  1. #1
    Peaced Quay's Avatar
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    Default INFJ: Properly dealing with withdrawal episodes

    During the past week, I have been reeling myself in, and though I feel badly about doing it, it seems as if my soul is telling me to. I think I need to do this in order to approach the next phase of my life with some clarity.

    However, I do not want to isolate people (which I'm good at doing). Last time I had an episode, I offended a few family members. I went about 6 weeks without really speaking to anyone, maybe a couple of texts here and there. I know this is inappropriate, but I couldn't make myself be around them without feeling anxiety.

    How have you effectively gotten through major withdrawal/recharge episodes?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Quay View Post
    During the past week, I have been reeling myself in, and though I feel badly about doing it, it seems as if my soul is telling me to. I think I need to do this in order to approach the next phase of my life with some clarity.

    However, I do not want to isolate people (which I'm good at doing). Last time I had an episode, I offended a few family members. I went about 6 weeks without really speaking to anyone, maybe a couple of texts here and there. I know this is inappropriate, but I couldn't make myself be around them without feeling anxiety.

    How have you effectively gotten through major withdrawal/recharge episodes?
    Hi Quay..

    There should be no guilt in needing time for yourself to sort yourself out.
    I suppose people should be clear about what they are doing in these instances, but I never am.. I just withdraw and have faith that those that really care will still be there when I reemerge.

    I have no effective advice to offer . Only support and understanding.

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arclight View Post
    I just withdraw and have faith that those that really care will still be there when I reemerge.
    Thanks...

    This is what I usually do. Now that I think of it, they may get offended because they think they did something to contribute to my withdrawal, when really it's not them.

    I swear.... the only person who gets this is my INFP sister. She does the same thing and doesn't bother me at all when I go into my cave.

    My father is ExTJ and he goes into a frenzy when she won't answer his phone calls. I try to explain to him that she's okay, and to leave her alone...she will call when she's ready.

  4. #4
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Hm… Interesting question.

    I don’t think my life usually allows me to withdraw completely for very long periods. (A day or two here and there is usually possible.) Sometimes I feel as though I would like to withdraw more but it’s just not possible because of work and community demands. However, it is probably easier for me than for some others to withdraw to at least quite a large extent. My family lives thousands of miles away, and though I usually speak with my parents about once a week, and enjoy speaking with them, occasionally if I don’t feel like I talking I just won’t answer the phone or call them. If this went on and on and on and I didn’t tell them anything they’d probably be quite freaked out. But, I can make excuses by email etc (I’ve been really busy, I was pretty tired that night, I’ve been meaning to call you back this week but it just didn’t happen) and that will usually cover it. If I was really down/exhausted and didn’t want to speak for that reason, I’m not sure I would spell that out. Even if it had nothing to do with me being annoyed with them or whatever (very unlikely that would happen), they would probably get quite worried about that. I’m more likely to make partially-true excuses if that’s what’s happening. But I have to say, I've never wanted to not speak with them for weeks on end...they would be freaked out by that, whatever the excuse. I would feel bad about doing that to them however exhausted I was.

    I also live alone, so I don’t have the needs of a partner (or even roommate) to cope with under those circumstances – obviously sometimes that can be a lonely situation but at other times I daresay it’s an advantage. I work full-time but in other respects I guess it is not so difficult for me to just switch off and not go out or talk to people, or limit it to texting or whatever.

    Sometimes if I’m feeling that way I force myself to go out with friends or something anyway because I realise I will feel a little better when I get there. Other times I just know I need to be alone/recharge and it actually is good for me – then, I might actually cancel on people with whom I had plans or whatever. I generally don’t like to do that but sometimes it is necessary. I generally have friends who are understanding enough that they get it if I say I feel ill or exhausted (either physically or emotionally) and need to cancel. Plus, I live in a very big busy city and although I’m an introvert I have quite an active social/community/cultural life. To be honest, a lot of us are a bit flaky about cancelling on one other for one reason or another and sometimes that can be an advantage. And, if you live in a big crazy city, people realise that stuff can just come up, or that you may be worn out.

    I’m afraid none of that probably helps much with your situation!
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    Quote Originally Posted by Quay View Post
    Thanks...

    This is what I usually do. Now that I think of it, they may get offended because they think they did something to contribute to my withdrawal, when really it's not them.

    I swear.... the only person who gets this is my INFP sister. She does the same thing and doesn't bother me at all when I go into my cave.

    My father is ExTJ and he goes into a frenzy when she won't answer his phone calls. I try to explain to him that she's okay, and to leave her alone...she will call when she's ready.
    In my case.. I mostly do not want to burden people with my issues. I determine that I am not a person who being around at this time, is going to be beneficial to anyone.
    If I have to be around people, They are often oblivious to the turmoil going on inside of me due to an awesome poker face ( Cues Lady Ga Ga).

    I do think people take it personally.. God!! I take it personally sometimes when people do it.. and you would think by now I would just realize they are being exactly like me and not get offended.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    Sometimes if I’m feeling that way I force myself to go out with friends or something anyway because I realise I will feel a little better when I get there. Other times I just know I need to be alone/recharge and it actually is good for me – then, I might actually cancel on people with whom I had plans or whatever. I generally don’t like to do that but sometimes it is necessary. I generally have friends who are understanding enough that they get it if I say I feel ill or exhausted (either physically or emotionally) and need to cancel. Plus, I live in a very big busy city and although I’m an introvert I have quite an active social/community/cultural life. To be honest, a lot of us are a bit flaky about cancelling on one other for one reason or another and sometimes that can be an advantage. And, if you live in a big crazy city, people realise that stuff can just come up, or that you may be worn out.

    I’m afraid none of that probably helps much with your situation!
    lol! this does help. Thank ya kindly.

    I have an active social life as an introvert myself. Perhaps I can maintain a bit of my social activity. This may help me through it. Last time I saw a couple of my friends was July 4th weekend and one said, "So next time we'll see you is Labor Day?"

    Har har...

    Arclight...This is true also. In addition, I feel like my issues will just be misunderstood so why even waste time talking about it with them.

  7. #7
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    My INFP has mini-episodes of this sometimes and it hurts a lot when he doesn't tell me that he is going into one of them. If you give a clear explanation that you need time alone for a little and that you love them but you need to fight your demons on your own, I'm sure they will understand (at least a little bit better). Of course, do this before you actually withdraw. Some sort of scheduled mini contacts is nice too, like if you promise them you'll text them once every day to let them know you are all right. I know I'd really appreciate it, because if I don't know what the problem is, I don't know how serious it is, and then I start to worry if something really bad has happened.

    Hope you can sort out your problems and feel better soon!

  8. #8
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    Just be honest with people. Tell them that you just need some alone time for awhile, it has absolutely nothing to do with anything that they did, it's just your personality, and that they shouldn't take it personally at all.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by eclare View Post
    Just be honest with people. Tell them that you just need some alone time for awhile, it has absolutely nothing to do with anything that they did, it's just your personality, and that they shouldn't take it personally at all.
    devil's advocate question

    How do you deal with people who won't accept that it is a personal struggle?

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Quay View Post
    devil's advocate question

    How do you deal with people who won't accept that it is a personal struggle?
    I Doorslam them.. duh!!

    Ok I am kidding .. I am not sure.
    I have had little success this way.

    Add me to the list of people who would like to know this.

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