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  1. #11
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
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    I doorslam them ... duh!

  2. #12
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    Hmmmm...I dunno. I guess I would try to talk to them during the "good" times when you're not feeling the need to withdraw. If you can talk about when you're clearly happy and happy to be with that person, maybe you can convince them that it's an objective personality thing and not something that they can influence one way or another.

    It's an especially difficult for extroverts to understand. Maybe you could try getting them to read this:Marti Laney

  3. #13
    Senior Member kyli_ryan's Avatar
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    I actually just emerged from one of these "episodes." I find that I generally don't feel like doing anything and get into a real routine. I think that the fact that I was living alone, working in an environment that didn't seem to offer me any interaction with anyone, and feeling a little misunderstood by the people who I was in communication with all added to making this (what seemed to be) an unusually long episode. Do you find that these "episodes" usually come up when you're facing something overwhelming? In my case, I think my need to plan out what I'm doing after I graduate next year has a lot to do with this, added with the stresses of senior year and living away from home for the first summer since I left for college. I think I generally have a focus on "planning" what is coming next and sometimes it all can catch up to me when I realize I haven't really been reaching the goals I've set for myself. I think getting out of the "episode" just takes time... I generally have no motivation to do anything and need to just calm down and focus on my current situations instead of what's happening later on.

  4. #14
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kyli_ryan View Post
    Do you find that these "episodes" usually come up when you're facing something overwhelming?
    I certainly do! I had it on and off over the last winter, for sure. I was so stressed with an uncertain and changeable work situation, plus it was a grim winter weather-wise, a couple of people died, I was sad and stressed about an interpersonal situation...etc. I just spent a lot of time hiding away and reading - which is easy enough to do in the winter, I guess! Not that I didn't go out and socialize at all but I certainly cocooned a lot.

    I feel like I'm on the flipside now - it is a nice summer here, my job situation sorted out, the interpersonal situation sorted out, I really feel better than I have in ages and have been socializing a lot, even a little too much for me. I feel like quite the extrovert right now, but part of me is like "if you're out and about too much and catching up with everyone you've ever known, you're going to have a giant crash at some point and have to withdraw big time!" Hopefully it won't be a "giant crash", just more of a chance to relax and catch my breath and recharge
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  5. #15
    Peaced Quay's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kyli_ryan View Post
    Do you find that these "episodes" usually come up when you're facing something overwhelming? In my case, I think my need to plan ... I generally have no motivation to do anything and need to just calm down and focus on my current situations instead of what's happening later on.
    Thanks for the advice guys. I did talk to my folks about being low-key for a while. They said "Ok" but with that raised eyebrow look.

    I find this quote to be particularly true. I'll be graduating soon, and I need to be looking for a much better job. My bills have just escalated by 30%. In addition, I have just had some major changes in my personal life, which have been positive and negative.

    and...someone stole my cell phone yesterday and I'm not even going to get it replaced for 30 days. The carrier told me I could suspend the service for 30 days without incurring the termination fee, so I think I'm going to allow myself that 30 days.

    I was just, JUST, telling my husband that it seems as if no one calls me unless they need me to do something. I think this is part of it too. I try to limit how much I extend myself, but as soon as I extend myself a little, then my arms start getting stretched way too far. A lot of this is my fault though, as I need to just say "no, I can't" and not worry about people being upset with me for not accomodating them.

    I'm doing some major re-evaluation of my relationships along with myself.

  6. #16
    From the Undertow CuriousFeeling's Avatar
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    When things get too hard to bear, I give people the heads up that I need to be left alone, or need to spend time away from them because the relationship has caused me pain. I leave the option for them to offer their input about this, and if they don't respond, then I close the door. When I'm ready, I emerge from it.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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    “Thoughts are the shadows of our feelings -- always darker, emptier and simpler.”
    ― Friedrich Nietzsche




  7. #17
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    It's been almost two weeks since my in-laws came for a visit. I still feel like I'm recovering. It wasn't a bad visit. It was generally pleasant and low key, but all the cleaning and stressing I did before hand and the just needing to be "on" for the better part of the time wore me out. I ended up getting sick and it took about a week to get over that. Even now I don't really want to be around anyone except my husband. That, of course, does not work since we have four kids and my mom is living with us -- plus the dogs, cats, and chickens, and bored neighbor kids who seem to want to move in. I love them all -- especially my kids -- and I feel bad for being withdrawn, but I've got nothing.

    I'm trying to eat carefully and get some moderate exercise and lots of rest while not letting the household stuff get completely out of hand. I'm not answering my phone much and I'm spending a lot of time reading in my room.

    Saturday I've got a day trip with my daughter's girl scout troop, so I have to get rested up or I will be useless.

    IOW, I don't handle it well, but my husband and kids know how I am and most everyone else wouldn't understand if I told them anyway, so . . . *shrug*
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  8. #18
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    Hello Everyone.

    I am slightly nervous posting on this thread because I am 'off on my sleep patterns/sleep deprived'...and am seemingly unable to gauge whether what I want to contribute is meaningful...or even relevant. So please forgive me if a whole bunch of question marks appear over your head if reading

    All I really wanted to say is one of the best times I have ever had was when I took a vacation by myself to the Red Sea. ((I should say that I was already in that part of the world living with 6 other people - I didn't take a solo vacation there from the States)). And I very much look forward to my next 'by myself' vacation.

    I am aware that 'extraversion' encompasses far more than an individual's desire for social interaction versus 'alone time'. But I have always out-withdrawn, out-introverted...all of the introverts in my life. Nevertheless, whether an individual is E or I...I think everyone should vacation alone.

    I have noticed some added benefits too. When you want to 'withdraw'...suddenly everyone and their brother becomes concerned. I often get more calls when I am in my 'withdrawn state' then I do when I'm 'present'. But a vacation is considered positive...'hey - have a great time!'. Likewise I don't feel guilty that I'm not answering my phone or returning calls or emails, etc. No one stops by. I'm on vacation!

    I know it is not an entirely practical solution in the sense that I can't take a vacation everytime I have a desire to withdraw, quiet the noise, get into my own head, rediscover who I am, etc. Likewise, I know many females that do not feel entirely comfortable travelling alone. But if a person can find an inexpensive cabin to rent that is only an hours drive a way...? It is so nice to be alone and on no one else's schedule.

  9. #19
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by StarryKnights View Post
    Hello Everyone.

    I am slightly nervous posting on this thread because I am 'off on my sleep patterns/sleep deprived'...and am seemingly unable to gauge whether what I want to contribute is meaningful...or even relevant. So please forgive me if a whole bunch of question marks appear over your head if reading

    All I really wanted to say is one of the best times I have ever had was when I took a vacation by myself to the Red Sea. ((I should say that I was already in that part of the world living with 6 other people - I didn't take a solo vacation there from the States)). And I very much look forward to my next 'by myself' vacation.

    I am aware that 'extraversion' encompasses far more than an individual's desire for social interaction versus 'alone time'. But I have always out-withdrawn, out-introverted...all of the introverts in my life. Nevertheless, whether an individual is E or I...I think everyone should vacation alone.

    I have noticed some added benefits too. When you want to 'withdraw'...suddenly everyone and their brother becomes concerned. I often get more calls when I am in my 'withdrawn state' then I do when I'm 'present'. But a vacation is considered positive...'hey - have a great time!'. Likewise I don't feel guilty that I'm not answering my phone or returning calls or emails, etc. No one stops by. I'm on vacation!

    I know it is not an entirely practical solution in the sense that I can't take a vacation everytime I have a desire to withdraw, quiet the noise, get into my own head, rediscover who I am, etc. Likewise, I know many females that do not feel entirely comfortable travelling alone. But if a person can find an inexpensive cabin to rent that is only an hours drive a way...? It is so nice to be alone and on no one else's schedule.
    Alone holidays can be really great! For some people, the mere thought is too boring/uncool to even stomach. But some of my best trips have been alone. Mind you, I think I have less tolerance for extended alone travelling than I used to. When I was 23 I travelled in Wales alone for ten days and there were days at a time when I spoke to no one, or barely. And I loved it. (There were a few other days when I saw quite a few people and then the very cool day when I went up Mt Snowdon with a couple of random Israeli guys who were so nice!).

    But now, I just do the occasional weekend away alone. Those are usually short city breaks (easy to do in Europe) and I love just taking in things my own way, for a few days, at whatever pace I choose, chilling out in cafes or hitting lots of museums and galleries, whatever. But...in the evenings, unless I've got a great book or something else to do, I get kind of bored and a little sad. So a few days is really enough and sometimes more than enough.

    If I "withdraw," it's more likely to be at home, really. My favourite trips these days are actually the ones which involve visiting friends who live in far-off or exotic places - two birds with one stone, I guess
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  10. #20
    Peaced Quay's Avatar
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    I am going, alone, to Toronto in the winter. I have always been attracted to Ontario in general. I live right across the bridge and it's a 4 hour drive.... for some reason, I think this is where I'll end up living for the rest of my earthly life.

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