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  1. #11
    Member kccrush's Avatar
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    In college it's easiest to make friends in the circles where you're all enjoying a singular activity that appeals to all of you. Clubs, sports teams, etc. I joined a crew team and met my best group of friends that way. I think, (and this is perhaps not advisable), I drank an awful lot of beer to get through social situations too. (thankfully I grew out of this as the years went on.) Now that I'm older, I think the best way to meet people (for friendship, romance, etc.) is to ask questions. People like talking about what they're interested in, so if you're able to get to that point in a conversation with someone, you can just hone in. My ex gf's used to tell me though that I'd ask too many questions to people (purely a defense mechanism). As a result, I've tried to find opportunities to stop asking questions during a conversation and insert statements. I find this hard to do. But I suppose it gets better as you have more practice.

    Good luck. I think both of these two approaches (groups with similar interests and asking questions when you meet someone new) will be super helpful to your situation at uni.

  2. #12
    Member Sailboat's Avatar
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    I have problems with making friends, I think. I am really nice, but I am sure I can seem distant, and I know I can be quiet. I tend to bring my humor out a lot when talking to anyone, and I sometimes wonder if that puts people off... I had a friend who has known me for 9 years tell me recently that I come off as really warm when I told her I think people think I am...mean?, and that was good to hear, because I am often worried I seem cold. I feel awkward talking to people I don't know well or haven't established as a good and "real" friend some(most)times, and because of this, the shield is up. My heart wants to be kind, though. It can be difficult to balance those opposing emotions: the shield and wanting to be loving.
    Sometimes I just tell myself to suck it up and stop being that quiet one in the corner.

    I am going to see if there is a quiet club at my college where we can all just sit around and stare at eachother, and then hug when we think we are coming off as rude. It will be called INFJ club.

  3. #13
    Member tommyc's Avatar
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    Jul 2010
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    as an infj as well (supposedly), my advice would be simply to act naturally. forcing yourself to smile and act happy will be pretty draining for you. Our emotions tend to rule us. When you meet the right people, you will feel happy and comfortable around them, and then you will smile more. Just be patient I'm sure things will come good.

  4. #14
    Senior Member mochajava's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tommyc View Post
    as an infj as well (supposedly), my advice would be simply to act naturally. forcing yourself to smile and act happy will be pretty draining for you. Our emotions tend to rule us. When you meet the right people, you will feel happy and comfortable around them, and then you will smile more. Just be patient I'm sure things will come good.
    Has anyone joined NF or INFJ meet-up groups? All the larger cities (Chicago, NYC, Seattle, Vancouver) seem to have them (via meetup.com). It might not work for the OP depending on transportation and where their college is located, but for us older-types, this might be a cool way to meet new people? I haven't done it, but I'd love to hear from folks who have.

  5. #15
    unscannable Tigerlily's Avatar
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    I've finally come to the realization that I'll never have close real life friends. Truth is whenever I get to know a person well, I find reasons to distance myself from them. The main reason is over time I start to realize how little we have in common and then I realize how they completely irritate the fuck out of me.

    I think I start out having such high hopes that when I realize that people aren't what I've dreamed them up to be I distance myself from them. It must bother me some or I wouldn't think about it but it's not enough of a bother to change. I don't think I would be able to change the way I am anyway.
    Time is a delicate mistress.

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