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  1. #1
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    Default ENFP (females esp), please share your insights!

    So an as ENFP female, I am always in love (being a 7 doesn't do me any favours) but deep down inside, I would like to find 'the one' and settle down with him.

    I want someone who accepts me for who I am- I am vivacious, I am passionate, I love life and I am always perceived to be flirting (am just being nice to the people, cmon). Currently, I fancy an ISTJ who is a border INTJ- I really like him and I am attracted primarily to his brain. However, I don't want to scare him.

    How do you handle a situation where conforming is not for you yet you need to do it?

    If there are any particular insights to do with ENFP females with ISTJ males, I would really really really appreciate them!

    Thank you all!

  2. #2
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Conforming is such a dirty word.

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    Conforming is such a dirty word.
    lol! Well said. As an N you obviously understand that well

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by JoyOfTraveling View Post
    I want someone who accepts me for who I am
    So you want to conform because you don't want to scare him, but you also want someone who accepts you for who you are


    either you need to (a) not be afraid of what his reaction to the true "you" would be and trust that you'll find someone who does accept you for you, or (b) accept that you might need to compromise who you are in order to get this guy


    if you find that you're always in love anyway, then someone else is going to come along if this dude doesn't work out.. so you might as well go with option (a)

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mister Eyebrows View Post
    So you want to conform because you don't want to scare him, but you also want someone who accepts you for who you are
    I am not going to conform for the sake of someone else, I don't think it's fair to myself or to the long-term stability of a relationship but by being my completely-into-it sort of person, I could easily scare him and I am aware of that. I may always be in love but most of the time it's the idea of love and not the person, this time this guy could be it- I will not know till I try it out but I don't want to close it even before it gets to that stage?

    Am I making any sense? I am so confused, I dunno if I make any sense!

    Basically, I don't want ot bombard him with communication but I want to be in constant touch- how do I strike a balance?

  6. #6
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JoyOfTraveling View Post
    I am not going to conform for the sake of someone else, I don't think it's fair to myself or to the long-term stability of a relationship but by being my completely-into-it sort of person, I could easily scare him and I am aware of that. I may always be in love but most of the time it's the idea of love and not the person, this time this guy could be it- I will not know till I try it out but I don't want to close it even before it gets to that stage?

    Am I making any sense? I am so confused, I dunno if I make any sense!

    Basically, I don't want ot bombard him with communication but I want to be in constant touch- how do I strike a balance?
    You need to do some soul-searching.

    Also, think, logically why are the reasons you like this guy and see how they match up to your ideal of who you'd like to be with.

  7. #7
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JoyOfTraveling View Post
    how do I strike a balance?
    you dont, or atleast you shouldnt. imo bombard him with communication as much as you feel like, if he gets scared because of that, then youll know that hes not the right person for you.
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
    — C.G. Jung

    Read

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post

    Also, think, logically why are the reasons you like this guy and see how they match up to your ideal of who you'd like to be with.
    When I look at my "list" (yeah, I do have one) and compare him to it, he matches most- ofcourse, we have our differences- but I suspect we are both mature enough to make them work. I genuinely believe the biggest hurdle is getting him to make the next step right now.

    I do know the next time I meet him, I am gonna lay my cards on the table and that could either scare him or make him understand me- either way, it will get me out of this quandary!

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTP View Post
    you dont, or atleast you shouldnt. imo bombard him with communication as much as you feel like, if he gets scared because of that, then youll know that hes not the right person for you.
    Is there anyone out there who can handle an ENFP's constant barge of communication??

  10. #10
    Senior Member Pixelholic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JoyOfTraveling View Post
    Is there anyone out there who can handle an ENFP's constant barge of communication??
    I've yet to find one, though my current girlfriend seems to tolerate it lol.

    Just be yourself, don't conform. Conforming is for sissies :P
    “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.” -Nietzsche

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