I definitely relate to the need for closure too.
And yes, I have high standards. What I ask from close ones is honesty, open communication and a lack of manipulation. If some people only swear by "absence of judgment, spontaneity, light-hearted banter', that is their choice. I'll stick by mine. If it looks rigid, well, tough! One cannot please everybody.
Not knowing when to cut someone off sooner? Well, I am having this problem right now. A younger male who is accountable to me, has refused to be held accountable. I've given him far too many second chances that I am getting heartily sick of it. The trouble is that I know his family background and that makes me sorry for him and want to give him structure in his life where structure is absent or inadequate. A mind is a terrible thing to waste and if I am not deluding myself, that kid has got potential if only he will stop his bullshit and clean up his act. What saddens me is that it is highly possible that all these 'second chances' have been seen as 'weakness' and him thinking that he can get away with anything...Never turning up on time for his appointments, flouting the rules, etc.
Is the problem with ME? Am I part of the problem and not the solution?
He complained that I was keeping him in a prison with all these rules... I explained to him that these rules are to provide structure. He is a highly narcissistic boy who never seems to care for his peers but always demands that rules be waived for him, that special treatment be given him, that the preferences of others be set aside and his own be given priority. I have refused many times and tried to make him understand that he has to flex for others too.
I still think that sometimes, no matter how much you act decently towards other people and maintain professional standards and sincerity and integrity, there will be people who will not understand and dismiss or abuse or belittle or make little of the time/concern/care that has been extended to them. It seems like sometimes, you just have to let someone fall flat on their faces and break a nose or something for them to understand.
Does this sound as one INFJ who is too rigid and too convinced of being right? I can relate with Fidelia - there is much caution before we get to the point where we cut off someone completely.