But the biggest issue with INFJs is right there in Fidelia's OP..
Those are character flaws, not other people's "misunderstandings"
You can spin it and justify it all you want. INFJs tend to have a very one way view of humanity. It never occurs to them that they might be the problem.
No INFJ.. you are not perfect nor are you emotionally and morally pure.
The Clue is in your humanity, and it's OK to be weak and flawed. Other people are not crazy or overstepping the boundaries for noticing. Other people still love and care about you even though they notice and mention things. And heaven forbid, if they don't follow the 19 rules of approaching an INFJ when presenting criticism.
All this talk of insight and Fe and it's astounding how little you understand people sometimes.
I know this is an earlier post, but this really sticks out to me about my INFJ friend.
I am not certain what the 19 rules of approaching an INFJ are when presenting criticism (is there a list available?) are, but I wish I knew before hand. That was one of the big issues with a project we worked on together. I mentioned one thing I didn't like that she wrote in it and suddenly what I planned to be a conversation ended up being a full-blown argument.
As for the perfect and moral thing -- I don't know so much about moral from my experience, but perfect yes. I think the perfection doesn't just settle within them, but what they expect of other people and basically everything. It's almost unimaginable at times.
Definitely. I think we often aren't even aware of our own wants and needs in real time, nor do we know for sure how pressing they are until we're either very depleted or resentful. I don't think we're very in touch with our own bodies and also because we don't identify with our feelings being "us", it is easy to try to minimize them or rationalize them or underestimate their size until we suddenly burst at the seems.
In addition, a lot of our data points for our own reactions come from peoples' reactions to us, not from within ourselves, so it can be confusing if other people don't put weight on something that seems important to us and we're not always sure if it's just a temporary feeling with us or that we are feeling a legitimate need.
Because processing issues involving others takes a lot out of us, we often take the easy way out and overaccommodate, thinking we are being considerate or that we can handle our own negative feelings better than the unexpected element of other peoples'. What often isn't understood, is that those negative feelings, if unprocessed, still will seek expression somehow or become too overwhelming. Overaccommodating and lack of expressing needs is actually burdensome and frustrating to others instead of altruistic.
I'm better than I once was, but still struggle to recognize when I need to express my needs or wants and take responsibility for owning them, which for me feels vulnerable.
Infjs are a bit conflict avoidant, but not for the reasons people often think. We're not doormats, but tend to approach conflict with a cost/benefit analysis first. Also, most infjs I've encountered like to know what reaction to expect, even if it's negative (they're okay with that as long as it isn't a surprise), so they don't have to deal with the energy suck that processing entails. I think Ni also is a very slow function with a lot of time lag, need for Fe data means we can't get the processing done alone, and then it still needs to be filtered through ti and reprocessed. Most people don't have patience for that, and so it's easier just to accommodate.
I do think that infjs really do like to please the people they care about most, even though they aren't doormats. So there's always a struggle between being true to self and doing what they think will make the people around them feel best.