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Thread: Common INFJ issues

  1. #611
    Member Array unsomething's Avatar
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    Anyone else realized that it's a mistake to explain yourself to other people, and learned to stick to strictly emotional connections?

    How do you shut off the "kay I'll explain my thoughts to you because I'm stupid and I think it will make total sense if I just say it and you getting it will definitely bring us closer together" impulse?

    Then you only either get an intensely projective agreement or a flummoxed look. (hehe, flummoxed)
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  2. #612
    noʎ ɟo ǝʇnɔ ʍoH Array Mademoiselle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by unsomething View Post
    Anyone else realized that it's a mistake to explain yourself to other people, and learned to stick to strictly emotional connections?

    How do you shut off the "kay I'll explain my thoughts to you because I'm stupid and I think it will make total sense if I just say it and you getting it will definitely bring us closer together" impulse?

    Then you only either get an intensely projective agreement or a flummoxed look. (hehe, flummoxed)

    Ok if I thought something was wrong.
    How to express it to an INFJ?
    She’s my mother, so of course I care.
    '''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' '''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' '''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' '''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' ''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''
    ||||||||||||
    …Order >> Chaos >> Order
    ————

  3. #613
    Happy Dancer Array uumlau's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mademoiselle View Post

    Ok if I thought something was wrong.
    How to express it to an INFJ?
    She’s my mother, so of course I care.


    You DO realize that "She's my mother" outweighs "She's an INFJ" by several orders of magnitude, right?
    An argument is two people sharing their ignorance.

    A discussion is two people sharing their understanding, even when they disagree.
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  4. #614
    noʎ ɟo ǝʇnɔ ʍoH Array Mademoiselle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by uumlau View Post


    You DO realize that "She's my mother" outweighs "She's an INFJ" by several orders of magnitude, right?
    Sorry I didn’t get it.
    Use easier words.
    '''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' '''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' '''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' '''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' ''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''
    ||||||||||||
    …Order >> Chaos >> Order
    ————

  5. #615
    Happy Dancer Array uumlau's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mademoiselle View Post
    Sorry I didn’t get it.
    Use easier words.
    The fact that she is your mother is a much more helpful point for advice on how to deal with her than the fact that she is INFJ.
    An argument is two people sharing their ignorance.

    A discussion is two people sharing their understanding, even when they disagree.

  6. #616
    noʎ ɟo ǝʇnɔ ʍoH Array Mademoiselle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by uumlau View Post
    The fact that she is your mother is a much more helpful point for advice on how to deal with her than the fact that she is INFJ.

    Well that’s how I think of it, you may have a different opinion..
    She’s mother + INFJ.
    To me, she’s too emotional.
    '''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' '''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' '''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' '''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' ''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''
    ||||||||||||
    …Order >> Chaos >> Order
    ————

  7. #617
    Member Array unsomething's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mademoiselle View Post

    Ok if I thought something was wrong.
    How to express it to an INFJ?
    She’s my mother, so of course I care.
    Do you mean if you thought she was upset about something and you want to know what you could do to help her feel better?

    Well firstly don't be pushy, give her some space and time to process it.

    But if she seems like she wants to talk about it, just listen honestly and be genuinely supportive. Don't offer any advice and don't criticize. She just needs to be reminded that you care, that you think she is a good person and that you are on her side. Anything that shows that you care is good.

    Fe wants harmony. The less ground she has to cover to get there, the better she will feel.
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  8. #618
    Senior Member Array oneandonly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by unsomething View Post
    Anyone else realized that it's a mistake to explain yourself to other people, and learned to stick to strictly emotional connections?

    How do you shut off the "kay I'll explain my thoughts to you because I'm stupid and I think it will make total sense if I just say it and you getting it will definitely bring us closer together" impulse?

    Then you only either get an intensely projective agreement or a flummoxed look. (hehe, flummoxed)
    FOR SERIOUS
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  9. #619
    Senior Member Array oneandonly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mademoiselle View Post

    Well that’s how I think of it, you may have a different opinion..
    She’s mother + INFJ.
    To me, she’s too emotional.
    Dont give her the impression that you think she's too emotional, be validating to her feelings, respectful of her authority, and try your best to feel her emotions alongside her.. you dont want to be too cold because that could make her feel very separated from you... honestly it depends on the context
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  10. #620
    noʎ ɟo ǝʇnɔ ʍoH Array Mademoiselle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by unsomething View Post
    Do you mean if you thought she was upset about something and you want to know what you could do to help her feel better?

    Well firstly don't be pushy, give her some space and time to process it.

    But if she seems like she wants to talk about it, just listen honestly and be genuinely supportive. Don't offer any advice and don't criticize. She just needs to be reminded that you care, that you think she is a good person and that you are on her side. Anything that shows that you care is good.

    Fe wants harmony. The less ground she has to cover to get there, the better she will feel.

    That’s true. Thank you.


    Quote Originally Posted by oneandonly View Post
    Dont give her the impression that you think she's too emotional, be validating to her feelings, respectful of her authority, and try your best to feel her emotions alongside her.. you dont want to be too cold because that could make her feel very separated from you... honestly it depends on the context

    I understand she’s caring even more than the emotions she shows.
    She wants me to be the same, but I can’t simply get upset like her, I have cool nerves..
    I know as a kid I owe my parents. So I sometimes want to act emotionally. But it’s too fake.
    '''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' '''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' '''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' '''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' ''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''
    ||||||||||||
    …Order >> Chaos >> Order
    ————

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