Fidelia, I thought the list in your OP was very comprehensive and interesting. Thank you for posting. You have obviously spent a lot of time reflecting on your INFJ-ness which I completely respect. Indeed, I've pulled my hair out many-a-time when encountering some of these "common sources of misunderstanding" with my INFJ friends. (And yet, most of them are still wonderfully adorable people... when I don't want to whack 'em on the back of the head. )
I think that most of these items are related to the INFJ tendency to be overly rigid about the way things SHOULD be. Seems like so much of INFJ behavior is motivated by deciding how things should be, ruminating on said decisions, and defending these INFJ sacred cows from perceived threats.
Usually, INFJs and I get along great. But when I have run into trouble with my INFJ friends, it's always about when they have a perception (real or not) that I'm doing something unacceptable in terms of <insert INFJ sacred cow here>.
God knows that I've sometimes stuck my foot in it over the years, but in general, INFJs who get their panties in a wad because they perceive these "sacred cows" are being compromised, have a tendency to become reactionary. Such INFJs oftentimes need to relax. They can jump to conclusions too quickly and sometimes need to let their judgment hang open a little longer. Or perhaps, they are simply stubbornly refusing to process new, incoming information. Sometimes their <insert INFJ sacred cow here> needs a rethink in light of the new information at hand.
I talked about the underlying reason for this in another thread on INFJ doorslamming. Let me quote the relevant points here:
I may have to do a similar list for ENFPs.