So yeah, school was awful, and I had no help with anything. At least I never took it out on myself though, that is one good thing I can say.
Thread: Common INFJ issues
12-29-2012, 03:15 PM #541
12-30-2012, 02:41 AM #542
^ @_eric_ I think we probably would have been friends if we had attended school at the same time/place. I am sorry to hear that it was such a struggle and can relate to some of what you have written here.
12-30-2012, 03:06 AM #543RivaGuest
Don't know where else to drop this question -
Do people easily disappoint you?
Especially in relationships.
12-30-2012, 03:27 AM #544
In some ways, yes. In some ways I'm very much a realist, while at the same time being too much of an idealist. A romantic relationship has a big impact on the whole direction of a person's life. It's not something that can be set aside for a day or two when there is conflict, or vision isn't shared. And in some ways, I think that I am disappointed more easily than some people are when I do not feel that I'm on the same path as the person I'm with.
I'd blame it on Ni - always with a vision of what could be or ought to be in mind, always trying to predict and prevent problems down the road, somewhat risk avoidant, always a little disappointed with not being able to manifest the vision that I have in real life. I think maybe all Ni users are bound to be disappointed in some ways, even when they are happy.
In that sense I think I'd be a difficult romantic partner, as I find it difficult to just enjoy the good things and set aside the bad things. If I can see that something negative in the present is going to cause problems down the road and the other person is seemingly oblivious to it until they actually see the bad results (and it is too late to do anything about them), it is very hard to feel close to them or to remain at peace, knowing that something is amiss. I think that would be frustrating for another person (especially if they didn't share the same sentiments). It might feel like I am never contented with them as they are, that I am always borrowing trouble, that I am unnecessarily negative...
I haven't met a person yet that I could truly envision having enough common ground and shared purpose to make a life together with. It's a very big blank cheque to write and I'm fairly happy with my life as it is now. Generally I have a hard time trading something I know I am happy with for something unknown, even if it has the potential of being great. (Even down to trying a new entree at a restaurant! That is part of what I admire about people who can make me try new things that I normally would not take a chance on).
I wouldn't be adverse to the idea of meeting and marrying someone, but I don't know at this stage that I would have the sureness to actively seek it out either. Even on paper, with each personality type, I can see factors about each type that I think would be extremely difficult for me to reconcile myself to. It's not even that I expect a partner that is perfect. I realize that every set of good qualities has a flip side to it and that I have major flaws myself. It's just that I'm not sure how I would deal with certain problems over the long term in a way that wasn't damaging or invalidating to either myself or the person I was with.
In other ways though I am exceptionally understanding and appreciative with a romantic partner. I have a huge capacity to love and enjoy being in a relationship. I like making the person I am with feel good.
I am not so much easily disappointed by a person inadvertently hurting me, or by them being human. It's more when I see a reoccurring pattern that seemingly cannot be changed to work better for us in a sustainable way, then disappointment and deep sadness occur. It's the loss of hope or frustration at not seeing any possibilities for positive change, rather than the presence of problems that bothers me.
12-30-2012, 06:11 AM #545
I think the reason I need to be friends with someone for a while before getting in a relationship is precisely because I need to make sure ideals/goals are aligned enough for that not to easily happen. I do get disappointed relatively easy- though it’s really more about being disappointed to find they have different priorities than actually being disappointment in them. But that’s why I need to know someone well first- I loathe the idea of imposing my own priorities on another person, I need to make sure they already have similar values.
Even using the heavy screening process though, both relationships I’ve been in as an adult have resulted in me eventually distancing myself as a result of needing to maintain my own ideals while not wanting to impose them. That distancing ruined one for sure, and played a big role in the other. So yeah, it is a problem.
I'm totally going to die alone. THANKS FOR THE REMINDER, RIVA.
12-30-2012, 06:18 AM #546RivaGuest
So alone you'd be but alone and happy .
I would have imagined that one's heavy screening process would help one avoid getting in to non-compatible relationships but the point of attraction is to be somewhat blind towards incompatibilities.
Edit - (edited after Z replied)
I would have imagined that one's heavy screening process would help one avoid getting in to non-compatible relationships but a result and a point of attraction is/is to be somewhat blind towards incompatibilities is it not?
12-30-2012, 06:36 AM #547
12-30-2012, 07:58 AM #548
Anyone else get miffed when somebody is making an assessment about you, they follow an irrelevant positive with a negative? As if trying to 'soften the blow' or some junk?
Kind of like:
"I appreciate your <A that has nothing to do with B> but your <B that has nothing to do with A> is blah blah blah."
I mean, do you WANT me to rage? Is that it? ACCESS DENIED! STATE YOUR INTENT OR CEASE COMMUNICATION!
12-30-2012, 08:34 AM #549
If they take forever to make their point, however, I can grow impatient.
@ bold, I love this.03/23 06:06:58 EcK: lex
03/23 06:06:59 EcK: lex
03/23 06:21:34 Nancynobullets: LEXXX *sacrifices a first born*
03/23 06:21:53 Nancynobullets: We summon yooouuu
03/23 06:29:07 Lexicon: I was sleeping!
04/25 04:20:35 Patches: Don't listen to lex. She wants to birth a litter of kittens. She doesnt get to decide whats creepy
02/16 23:49:38 ygolo: Lex is afk
02/16 23:49:45 Cimarron: she's doing drugs with Jack
03/05 19:27:41 Time: You can't make chat morbid. Lex does it naturally.
12-30-2012, 08:46 AM #550
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