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Thread: Common INFJ issues

  1. #521
    Iron Maiden Array fidelia's Avatar
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    Interesting! I had never considered that other types with same functions in different order may also deal with some of the same tendancies...

  2. #522
    Member Array RoadPaveMent's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    For me anyway, I need to get all that extra stuff out and I find that having someone to talk to helps incredibly, even if I mostly need them to listen. Somehow it gives me a kind of clarity by expressing it that I can't arrive at by myself as easily. It sorts out my own thoughts and helps me sort what is important from what isn't (Ni offers too many possibilities and Ti offers too many details, so it can get overwhelming to decide what to factor in and what to ignore).
    That's interesting, because I feel like talking about my ni-ti loop can make it worse. Every detail makes me more stressed out, which makes me focus on details more, which makes me more stressed out, etc. And I don't like to bring up everything I've been feeling because recounting the pain makes me crabby (devilish Si, I wonder?). What I find more useful is to ask myself why I feel something and why it's so important to me...eventually, I reach the cause and a plan of action.

    I do have a fellow INFJ to talk to, but I don't like to because she assumes that the details are the only part of the equation and assumes she knows the perfect advice to give me. :|

  3. #523
    4x9 Array cascadeco's Avatar
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    ^ And I tend to find it almost impossible to talk through anything that I'm struggling with, at least in person, because I simply can't articulate all of it and I'm often going in circles internally and the net feeling is anxiety/confusion/panic/no solidity, which trumps almost all ability to talk through, because words/thoughts have escaped me by that point. The only conceivable way I can 'talk' through something is via writing.

    So because of this, I've pretty much always ended up trying to work things out/figure things out on my own. Which of course leads to its own issues, but this is just how I tend to be.

    This extends beyond mbti, however.
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

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    Iron Maiden Array fidelia's Avatar
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    I find that I can only do that with someone who understands enough that they are not going to throw up additional frustrations (by their response) for me to work through.

    Generally if I want to discuss something I need to write down the details that are swimming around and multiplying to distress me. If things are too raw or uncomfortable, I can't talk about it until I can do so without fear of crying etc. That's why some things just seem to stay on hold for awhile and then suddenly they are something I can work with after awhile. I need enough thinking time that when I do talk, it is not at a purely exploratory stage - more just like looking for feedback or trying to reach more of a structure to unify everything.

  5. #525
    4x9 Array cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    I find that I can only do that with someone who understands enough that they are not going to throw up additional frustrations (by their response) for me to work through.

    Generally if I want to discuss something I need to write down the details that are swimming around and multiplying to distress me. If things are too raw or uncomfortable, I can't talk about it until I can do so without fear of crying etc. That's why some things just seem to stay on hold for awhile and then suddenly they are something I can work with after awhile. I need enough thinking time that when I do talk, it is not at a purely exploratory stage - more just like looking for feedback or trying to reach more of a structure to unify everything.
    Yes, I can relate to that.

    However, based on some other irl NFJ's that I know, I'm still on the extreme as far as more of a lack of an ability (compared to them) to talk things out.
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

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  6. #526
    Iron Maiden Array fidelia's Avatar
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    I have not found a way yet in that interim stage though to avoid just reverting to inferior Se behaviours like eating something, sleeping, staying up way too late, spending money on stupid things, wasting time on dumb TV. Going for walks helps some, but I prefer to do that with company.

  7. #527
    Happy Dancer Array uumlau's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cascadeco View Post
    ^ And I tend to find it almost impossible to talk through anything that I'm struggling with, at least in person, because I simply can't articulate all of it and I'm often going in circles internally and the net feeling is anxiety/confusion/panic/no solidity, which trumps almost all ability to talk through, because words/thoughts have escaped me by that point. The only conceivable way I can 'talk' through something is via writing.

    So because of this, I've pretty much always ended up trying to work things out/figure things out on my own. Which of course leads to its own issues, but this is just how I tend to be.

    This extends beyond mbti, however.
    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    I find that I can only do that with someone who understands enough that they are not going to throw up additional frustrations (by their response) for me to work through.

    Generally if I want to discuss something I need to write down the details that are swimming around and multiplying to distress me. If things are too raw or uncomfortable, I can't talk about it until I can do so without fear of crying etc. That's why some things just seem to stay on hold for awhile and then suddenly they are something I can work with after awhile. I need enough thinking time that when I do talk, it is not at a purely exploratory stage - more just like looking for feedback or trying to reach more of a structure to unify everything.
    Quote Originally Posted by cascadeco View Post
    Yes, I can relate to that.

    However, based on some other irl NFJ's that I know, I'm still on the extreme as far as more of a lack of an ability (compared to them) to talk things out.
    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    I have not found a way yet in that interim stage though to avoid just reverting to inferior Se behaviours like eating something, sleeping, staying up way too late, spending money on stupid things, wasting time on dumb TV. Going for walks helps some, but I prefer to do that with company.
    In computer-nerd land, "talking it out" (or even writing it out), is known as "Rubber duck debugging": http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rubber_duck_debugging It isn't really a stretch to expand the principle to normal human problems.

    I don't think it pertains to typology per se, but I suspect it has to do with introversion and the need for anyone to both process things on the introverted and extroverted side to arrive at a sensible answer.

    This isn't some sort of ultimate answer. Sometimes one's thoughts are still too incoherent to even begin to explain, and the only way out is through: you just have to let the thoughts have time to settle, and THEN explain them after they stop moving around so much.
    An argument is two people sharing their ignorance.

    A discussion is two people sharing their understanding, even when they disagree.

  8. #528
    4x9 Array cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by uumlau View Post
    This isn't some sort of ultimate answer. Sometimes one's thoughts are still too incoherent to even begin to explain, and the only way out is through: you just have to let the thoughts have time to settle, and THEN explain them after they stop moving around so much.
    Yeah... to the bolded, I agree. The problem is that this can take an awful long time for me sometimes...sometimes weeks or months, if everything is incredibly amorphous and it's not something I can actually 'think' through and it's just a lot of hazy nothings, but perplexing enough to me that the same qualms keep resurfacing.

    It tends to be compounded as it's never one issue I'm tackling... the nature of how I operate, it seems, is that when one question/worry crops up, every conceivable linkage needs to be addressed at the same time, as it all ties together. So I end up having to figure out all answers simultaneously, to figure out just the initial bug that prompted everything. And especially prior to settling, I could easily hurt the other person by the very nature of the doubts and questions I'm experiencing, and/or be completely wrong about what I am actually thinking in the particular moment, especially if I am questioning the essence of the relationship, what I want/need, etc, and I have absolutely no idea in the interim. (most of my struggles involve relationships I am in)
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

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  9. #529
    Finis Array Redbone's Avatar
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    What do you think some common INFJ problems are in their relationship with parents?

    Do any of you struggle with having a bad temper?

  10. #530
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    Do you mean as an adult, or as children? (or both?)
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