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Thread: Common INFJ issues

  1. #431
    Iron Maiden Array fidelia's Avatar
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    In some respects I don't have the need for organization (nor the inclination towards it) that Toonia describes. However, I have found that I don't do well with surprises suddenly sprung on me about what will be expected of me, or without any mental downtime to prepare. I used to do clinics for a lady that seemed like an ADD adult. No lunch breaks etc were scheduled and she never mentioned how much performing material I would need for the night concerts or when that would be, nor was there half an hour down time to feel mentally ready. I would teach back to back lessons all day, then have a quick practice with the lady and then go off to the concerts. I didn't like that at all! As long as I have a mental structure of some sort inside, I don't mind improvising on the spot, but I don't like to have unexpected expectations put on me.
    Last edited by fidelia; 10-23-2010 at 12:38 AM.

  2. #432
    garbage
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    I care most about organization, getting my stuff together, and scheduling when it affects other people--that is, when they wouldn't be able to do their jobs effectively otherwise.

  3. #433
    garbage
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    Also:

    "What are you thinking?"

    "Uhm.. "

    You want an answer? Let me think about what I'm thinking first

  4. #434
    Member Array tommyc's Avatar
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    I have big emotional ups and downs. I think I dislike the ups as much (if not more) than the downs because I know I will bump back down to earth soon and it will be painful.

    Agree about the avoidance issue. My Dad asked me if I wanted to go see him this holiday but I said no. I felt really awful about letting him down and avoided checking my hotmail for like two weeks (which made me feel worse because I knew hed think I was ignoring him).

    Me and my mum are pretty hard on each other (shes enfp). Theres not too much sympathy between us. It tends to disturb me when I go home and we dont seem to click. Sometimes I feel its just my fault. Maybe this issue is because im an only child.

    I feel like I run on autopilot. My mind basically reacts to how I'm feeling. If I feel happy, suddenly I get all sorts of grandiose thoughts. When I feel sad, negative thoughts start whirring through my head, over and over again. I feel I have no control of my brain. To be honest, I tend to feel like my brain is working against me.

    When I'm around my friends, I am very self-deprecating and basically encourage others to take the piss out of me. Usually I'm fine with it and actually enjoy it, but sometimes they take it too far, and suddenly I'll just start to take offense, without warning.

    These might be specific to me I'm not sure - Im like 49% Ti. Im pretty much as Ti as you get for an INFJ.

  5. #435
    Lay the coin on my tongue Array SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Annwn View Post
    One issue I face which might be an INFJ thing is a tendency to internalize things. One example is that I usually plan ahead especially for work-related things, and I mean WAY ahead. When I teach a class online I have every lecture and assignment made before the first day of class. When I get a last-minute job where I don't have computer access or keys, etc. until after the class starts and am busy creating lectures the day before, I really struggle with anxiety although no one would ever dream. Externally I'm really laid back, never get ruffled, am prepared and professional, but like today, I came close to throwing up because of not having time to catch up and prepare. That's the part of me that seems J - that I plan and organize and don't just do things on the fly. I just wish I could keep the super laid-back external aspect and internalize it.

    I don't know if other INFJs are externally laid back while being internally wound up, but that is my issue for sure.
    Yes, completely. I feel for you, I really do because I can be exactly the same day. I am having one of those "externally calm, trying not to throw up" days right now...work stress. People tell me I seem so calm and balanced and I think a big part of my personality is genuinely calm and balanced. But with the whole internalizing thing I can get so terribly wound up, stressed and paranoid inside...
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  6. #436
    Member Array JFNI's Avatar
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    agreed on EVERYTHING.

  7. #437

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    fidelia: I really love how you deal with things that you want to improve or work on. ♥
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  8. #438
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    Quote Originally Posted by tommyc View Post
    I have big emotional ups and downs. I think I dislike the ups as much (if not more) than the downs because I know I will bump back down to earth soon and it will be painful.

    I feel like I run on autopilot. My mind basically reacts to how I'm feeling. If I feel happy, suddenly I get all sorts of grandiose thoughts. When I feel sad, negative thoughts start whirring through my head, over and over again. I feel I have no control of my brain. To be honest, I tend to feel like my brain is working against me.

    When I'm around my friends, I am very self-deprecating and basically encourage others to take the piss out of me. Usually I'm fine with it and actually enjoy it, but sometimes they take it too far, and suddenly I'll just start to take offense, without warning.

    These might be specific to me I'm not sure - Im like 49% Ti. Im pretty much as Ti as you get for an INFJ.
    That pretty much sums me up.

  9. #439
    violaine
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    1. Privacy. I don't wish to change but it's apparently an issue for others. I do know I'm at the extreme end. Do not read my notebooks, do not spy on me online and do not divulge something very personal that I told you, especially in a frivolous fashion. The former will give me the icks, the latter will get you booted out of my life. I would possibly forgive cheating before I could forgive that.

    2. Self-reliance. It doesn't mean I always achieve it, especially at times when I am reaching for multiple goals. But I am very uncomfortable if I have to depend on someone else. It makes a relationship tough if the needs of the relationship conflict with my desire to make sure I can stand on my own two feet. e.g. putting my career on hold to be with someone whose career requires traveling or living elsewhere. I can do it but I'm hugely uncomfortable and it's a big leap of faith that the other person will remember the sacrifice you are making to be with them. I don't trust power imbalances like that in a relationship. Strangely enough, I have no issue with supporting someone. This is what makes it an issue though, I can't accept that from someone else because I don't trust them to be fair.

    3. Dropping off the face of the earth. Again, not a problem for me but it is for others and in hindsight, I can see that it seems I don't care. When I am under the gun emotionally though it's all I can do to put one foot in front of the other as in paying my bills and eating.

    4. Being inexpressive (so I'm told). Idk if others experience their feelings the way I do but I'm actually very uncomfortable with difficult feelings and feelings that threaten to disrupt my equilibrium. I like being calm. I prefer to be stoic. IRL my intimates think of me as rather unfeeling which always brings a wry smile to the face and then if they keep going, seriously pissed off silence. As though I haven't explained myself umpteen times before. And as though I haven't been the same way my entire life. Lol.

    4a. I don't like someone trying to elicit an emotional reaction from me either. It greatly annoys me. I should say that I do test as INTJ and I do identify with some of the descriptions but perhaps due to the very Fe-oriented way I was raised, people are important to me. I am more driven than INTJs I know to connect, explain myself and find harmony, esp in debate.

    5. Oh yes, another thing that I shut down with is the "I'm right/you're wrong" style of conversation/debate. It's uncreative and boring, my mind can't grip because all I can see is point scoring, which makes it pointless (point-less even, nil all.). In discussion, I am interested in finding the truth of something or revealing something new. I don't want to hear someone just parrot what they learned from someone else. I like when someone runs it through their own world-filter first.

    6. Forced competition annoys me. I guess I pull the unbeatable move of refusing to compete, haha.

    7. I don't like repeating myself seemingly endlessly.

    8. Trouble leaving bad relationships. I try to ask myself regularly "is this working?" It helps.

    9. Selective, extreme misanthropy. i.e. Extreme dislike of braggarts. Maybe this is more of a personal thing than related to a liking for authenticity that I figure INFJs share, but, ugh!!! STFU already. It makes me think(/know) you are standing on thin air. Loudmouths also drive me nuts.

    10. Finishing people's sentences. The biggest way I annoy people is that I do the sentence finishing thing when it's an exciting conversation :/. I hate myself after when I do that. Short of holding my hand over my mouth (which I have done before) it's very hard for me to not jump on something someone says when we are vibing. This is a serious problem for me and I'm a repeat offender. :/
    Last edited by violaine; 10-23-2010 at 12:23 PM.

  10. #440
    Senior Member Array MonkeyGrass's Avatar
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    I can actually relate to ALL of the things you mentioned.

    It made me laugh to see the interplay of all of them, and the perfect storm it tends to create every so often. The desire to help everyone, the spreading of myself too thin, the arranging my emotional chess pieces soooo carefully so I'll have enough energy to deal with a situation (only to have someone not come through or through me a curvebal, and really throw me off my game), usually resulting in getting swamped with feelings I've been ignoring/unaware of for quite some time, and getting incredibly angry or sad in front of someone with no warning.

    Oh. And because I have really crappy Si, forgetting to eat or use the bathroom until it's really desperate.
    I think I think more than you think I think.

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