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Thread: Common INFJ issues

  1. #421
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arclight View Post
    I have posted a Mirror for your convenience.. I suggest you go take a good long look in it.
    especially if you are going to start talking about assumptions and intentions..

    I will also advise you, to next time mind your own business or read the whole thread before you go on a tirade against someone you don't know.
    Foot in mouth disease can be cured. It always starts with you.

    Regards
    I was going to find out your intentions but no longer felt the need to. Next time I'll ask if anyone has replied to the post. It has caused a lot of confusion and I'm sorry.

    However, I find it very difficult to get anything said if someone is using sarcasm in an insulting manner. If that is the way you choose to talk to me, I am not going to reply with submissive or pretty posts. Being either submissive or offensive is not really effective when sarcasm is in use, I have found.

    I don't have anything else to say.

  2. #422
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    Quote Originally Posted by Random Ness View Post
    I was going to find out your intentions but no longer felt the need to. Next time I'll ask if anyone has replied to the post. It has caused a lot of confusion and I'm sorry.

    However, I find it very difficult to get anything said if someone is using sarcasm in an insulting manner. If that is the way you choose to talk to me, I am not going to reply with submissive or pretty posts. Being either submissive or offensive is not really effective when sarcasm is in use, I have found.

    I don't have anything else to say.
    Hmm well Did I feel you were hostile from the get go.. or were you?.

    Maybe you weren't? Which is why I thanked your 1st post and left it at that.

    But me feeling it makes it real for me. you have done nothing until this last post to disarm me.

    If you did not recognize that I was feeling a little on the back foot. Then read the whole thread

    There are a few pages in this thread devoted to the Medium having more power than the Message, and many INFJs claimed this is paramount to communication.

    Maybe if you came asking questions instead of making statements, I wouldn't have misunderstood you?

    Anyway.. I would rather we be friends than not. So I am going to offer you an olive branch.. call it a misunderstanding .. and look forward to your contributions to this forum.

  3. #423
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arclight View Post
    There are a few pages in this thread devoted to the Medium having more power than the Message, and many INFJs claimed this is paramount to communication.
    I have to interject here because this is very true, at least for me. You mentioned earlier that INFJ's have difficulty with criticism and that's definitely true with this INFJ. In my case, how it's said makes a world of difference and on the internet this becomes very apparent as misunderstandings are rampant.

    Although I believe that criticism should always be civil, tactful and constructive, I'd bet that this is especially important for INFJ's, at least it is for this one. I'm sensitive

    Oh and this...


    Quote Originally Posted by Arclight View Post
    Anyway.. I would rather we be friends than not. So I am going to offer you an olive branch.. call it a misunderstanding .. and look forward to your contributions to this forum.
    I like that, good for you Arclight

  4. #424
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arclight View Post
    Hmm well Did I feel you were hostile from the get go.. or were you?.
    Saying "please" is not trying to be hostile... I was trying to comment on negative things and it's hard to do that being positive...

    Quote Originally Posted by Arclight View Post
    Maybe you weren't? Which is why I thanked your 1st post and left it at that.
    It sounded very much like sarcasm, and then your next post laced with sarcasm made me think it really was. Now I know that post wasn't sarcasm, I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions, but most of your other posts did have nasty sarcasm.

    Quote Originally Posted by Arclight View Post
    Anyway.. I would rather we be friends than not. So I am going to offer you an olive branch.. call it a misunderstanding .. and look forward to your contributions to this forum.
    If someone uses sarcasm and is okay with it (if that is the case here)...there will be friction...

    However I would like to do that, too. Let's try to start over from here.

  5. #425
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    I've found that if you observe for awhile, it helps to get a better picture of what people are really like and if you want to interact with them. When I first got here I didn't know how to take INTP humour and I also waded into the middle of a couple of fights between others when it would have been better to leave well enough alone. Takes time to figure that out though. Generally when you find someone reacting with sarcasm or hostility, it more often means just that you are missing a little bit of needful information that would put their behaviour in perspective, or they are decent folks but under a lot of stress and a little scratchier than they normally would be. It rarely is worth taking personally.

  6. #426
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Generally when you find someone reacting with sarcasm or hostility, it more often means just that you are missing a little bit of needful information that would put their behaviour in perspective,
    Well, if I had known saying "thank you for your ideas" was not sarcasm and hadn't assumed it was, this whole mess could have been avoided.

    My experience with sarcasm is slightly less positive. If I argue with someone who uses it, and then say I'm sorry for getting defensive and say they are right, they are usually like, "Damn straight! So you admit you're dumb." And if I keep going on the defensive, they continue to using sarcasm in insulting ways. It is difficult to see someone in a good light who does that (perhaps it's a "common INFJ issue" :P but that would also make it a "common INTP issue"; it goes both ways). Luckily unlike I feared Arclight did not say "so you admit you're dumb" or something so it is a little different in this thread's case.

  7. #427
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    On par with the thread now, on the topic of asking questions vs. declaring statements this page is interesting:
    Asking and declaring - Wikisocion

    The INFj/EII is a Declarer, and the ENFj/EIE is an Asker. Though socionics and MBTI aren't directly correlated...

  8. #428
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    Arclight, I find in these situations it's best not to respond, fills less pages with bickering if the other side doesn't exist.
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  9. #429
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    One issue I face which might be an INFJ thing is a tendency to internalize things. One example is that I usually plan ahead especially for work-related things, and I mean WAY ahead. When I teach a class online I have every lecture and assignment made before the first day of class. When I get a last-minute job where I don't have computer access or keys, etc. until after the class starts and am busy creating lectures the day before, I really struggle with anxiety although no one would ever dream. Externally I'm really laid back, never get ruffled, am prepared and professional, but like today, I came close to throwing up because of not having time to catch up and prepare. That's the part of me that seems J - that I plan and organize and don't just do things on the fly. I just wish I could keep the super laid-back external aspect and internalize it.

    I don't know if other INFJs are externally laid back while being internally wound up, but that is my issue for sure.
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  10. #430
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    Quote Originally Posted by Annwn View Post
    One issue I face which might be an INFJ thing is a tendency to internalize things. One example is that I usually plan ahead especially for work-related things, and I mean WAY ahead. When I teach a class online I have every lecture and assignment made before the first day of class. When I get a last-minute job where I don't have computer access or keys, etc. until after the class starts and am busy creating lectures the day before, I really struggle with anxiety although no one would ever dream. Externally I'm really laid back, never get ruffled, am prepared and professional, but like today, I came close to throwing up because of not having time to catch up and prepare. That's the part of me that seems J - that I plan and organize and don't just do things on the fly. I just wish I could keep the super laid-back external aspect and internalize it.

    I don't know if other INFJs are externally laid back while being internally wound up, but that is my issue for sure.


    One thing that has surprised me in receiving feedback in recent years is that people have commented that I appear to be very calm and peaceful as a general mode of being/expression. I got that commentary from more than one with the mbti video posting thing this past winter, and I can see that, but what's interesting is that while yes, much of the time I think I AM in fact rather calm, the other half of the time I'm not, and am internally spinning around and not feeling calm in the slightest.

    Even in work reviews I was commended on my adaptability. So, yes, I think I do a good job of appearing externally calm, even in tense situations. Actually that's something I strive for.

    I think in general I tailor my life so as to minimize stress as much as possible, so the stress that you're speaking of is something I try to avoid and so don't experience very much as a result.

    But, I have had a few jobs in the past that been very, very extroverted in nature, and that have involved a considerable amount of public speaking and engagement, and I **had** to be really, really prepared ahead of time to feel remotely comfortable. I basically had to have my presentation memorized, to be honest. Only after feeling totally solid with the overall, 'memorized' presentation/outline, was I able to then incorporate more random things on the fly, and be able to be more spontaneous in little bursts to tailor to an individual class or quesiton. So when I have it all prepared in my head ahead of time, I am able to pull off the extroverted-ness quite well and I do pretty well in that public speaking role. But if I have to speak/present on the fly?? All of that goes out the window. It's a huge, huge weakness for me. I, too, would be sick to my stomach, and when I've had to get up and present before I feel I have all of it really worked out in my head, I end up feeling really insecure and am not satisfied with my presentation - not satisfied with any sort of lack of preparation that might be noted by others. It's a big reason I haven't been drawn to the education/teaching realm in a permanent capacity... I know I suck at on-the-fly stuff, and I'd have to spend so much time preparing ahead of time the night before that it would consume my entire life. The nature of the job would be the death of me. lol. Sure, I think eventually I could get better at it, but it's just so far out of my natural way of being that I think it would always be a low- or medium-level stressor in my life, which I don't think I'd be able to do in the long haul.
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