I'm going to go ahead and say that some people do want others to assume more of the risk. I'm kind of one of them, but I've been stepping out of my comfort zone over the past few years so that I can take care of my share of the responsibility for socialization. I have noticed that, overall, I tend to wait to gauge the overall atmosphere of a situation before I chime in. Once that's done, I have no problem 'steering' things in some given direction when needed.
It seems that a given level of socialization and personal discussion is "less risky" for some and "more risky" for others. Some people seem to give off the vibe that socialization isn't a huge risk for them--that they're content to just chat it up with many people, sharing a plethora of information about themselves without batting an eye. To an extent, that's pretty commendable.
Some people are just much more comfortable taking the initiative in that respect than others are. Some of the underlying factors could include anxiety or not wanting to offend others. There are more positive motivations for that mindset out there, though.
I think that, sometimes, it's a matter of incremental, small risks. You share just a little bit, then I reciprocate, then you know that you can trust me a bit and share a bit more, and so on and so forth until we get to know each other.
I understand how difficult that 'initial push' can be--not that it's an insurmountable challenge, by any means. But some have an easier time with it than others do. Moreover, if I don't reciprocate, then you'll feel at least slightly cheated. So I suppose, at that point, you'll have a choice--either continue, or don't. Both of those choices are understandable. If someone gets 'burned' too often along those lines by putting it all out there, then perhaps not sharing everything all at once is the key.
There are reasons to not put it all out there or to reciprocate when another person does. If the context is 'off' (e.g. at a 'cliquish' workplace), then, well, sometimes it's best to truncate the depth of a particular conversation at some acceptable level.
Thread: Common INFJ issues
08-08-2010, 05:29 PM #401garbageGuest
08-21-2010, 10:52 AM #402
Professionally, I feed my Ni-addiction with database systems. Too geeky to explain but I feel like I am looking into a crystal ball when I analyze the inter-play of various processes on the server. There is also a human element to the job ("Nick is looking at HR data. WTF is he doing?")
I always test as a functional INTJ but my personality simply does not fit. Am too much of a weepy, stalker girl to claim my place among the Masterminds.
08-21-2010, 11:24 AM #403
There are plenty of "emo" INTJs in the world. The F processes aren't concerned with your degree of feeling emotions, but rather how you handle them. If you strive to create and maintain connections with people, if you find yourself mostly thinking about how people interact, and perhaps have a good deal of skill at dealing with people in general, that would be closer to an Fe process and thus INFJ. If you have strong emotions that you're not sure how to express to other people, that is more likely the tertiary Fi of an INTJ.
Of course, your own self-knowledge is the best way to determine what type you are and what functions you favor: I'm just presenting the possibilities I see based on your (rather short) post here.
As for not feeling quite like a "Mastermind," that's normal for INTJs, actually. Usually we're just doing what's obvious to us, or "winging it" with alacrity: it doesn't "feel like" being a mastermind. It's others who perceive INTJs as being masterminds, in general.
08-21-2010, 10:34 PM #404
The online tests mostly type me as INTJ (with borderline T - closer to 50%).
08-24-2010, 10:08 PM #405
- Join Date
- Aug 2010
If you're going to use semi-offensive language to someone, don't expect anything different back please. :/
08-25-2010, 01:23 AM #406
Yeah, me and Arclight are cool now. (And I think he's generally feeling happier these days too, no, my friend?)
08-25-2010, 06:27 AM #407
- Join Date
- Nov 2009
It's easy once you realize everyone is fighting some sort of battle.
08-25-2010, 07:26 PM #408
I read a lot about how INFJ's don't like to share personal information, but I have always had the opposite reaction. I tend to overshare everything. Whatever is personal and on my mind comes right off my tongue. I always get comments about this, similar to, "I've always thought that but never been brave enough to share." Do any other INFJ's have the oversharing problem?
08-25-2010, 07:48 PM #409“There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
~ John Rogers
08-25-2010, 08:34 PM #410
I think that's the case with me too.* I wouldn't call it oversharing, as I am rather private about certain things, especially that would make others feel uncomfortable.* However, I have no hesitation to share my past experiences with other people (within the bounds of being appropriate of course) as long as the difficult part is over and done with.* I think sometimes it ends up giving people a false sense of how close we are simply because I don't any longer see those things as being especially personal.* I've learned from them and gone on and they are there if they are helpful to anyone else, or they are a part of my story, and no big deal if other people know a little bit about.
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