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Thread: Common INFJ issues

  1. #21
    Iron Maiden Array fidelia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by runvardh View Post
    I've only had to deal with one pulling the "do something odd then run away embarrassed" thing. It sucks, and I did like her, but I chalk it up to shit happens.
    What happened?

  2. #22
    Iron Maiden Array fidelia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiltyred View Post
    It's hard, isn't it? Because you would think it would be obvious that you don't go making out with your friends' exes. But to other people, it's not obvious at all, and to others still, it's not even an issue. It's very surprising as you go along that things you believe are sort of common sense are not commonly held values. It's hard to sit still while they happen. I tend to vote with my feet in those cases. If I really can't take it, I just decrease contact until I disappear from that person.

    Sometimes people are full of shit, though, too, Fidelia. I just had someone say to me, "Well I accept people for who they are!" which hit me so hard I couldn't hear the rest of what he had to say -- but then I reviewed the past few days with him and he surely did not accept me for who I was. I was corrected several times. So where was this acceptance?

    It's not a bad thing to have standards.
    Yeah! It's just hard to believe that some things are worthy of explanation. Regarding the second paragraph, I think I'm okay with the idea that it's alright to just not jive with some people, as long as you are upfront or live and let live.

  3. #23
    にゃん Array runvardh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    What happened?
    Went too fast, she was "driving" due to overwhelming need. As a guy totally attracted to her physically and mentally, in my immaturity I couldn't say no. Then again I had a bad habit of not saying no until after my ENFJ experience three years ago. I'm just as at fault, it just hurts when they suddenly disappear.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

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  4. #24
    Iron Maiden Array fidelia's Avatar
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    Get yourself a more mature one and it's less likely to go that way I think.

  5. #25
    にゃん Array runvardh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Get yourself a more mature one and it's less likely to go that way I think.
    Yeah, that's the idea. I just have to make sure I'm worth the mature one too. I hope I am with all I'm willing to do, but my first impressions these days just aren't what they used to be.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.


  6. #26
    Iron Maiden Array fidelia's Avatar
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    Good way to do things - then you both win!

  7. #27
    Senior Member Array Rebe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    I find it interesting that a type that is considered kind of rigid, like an ESTJ, is actually much more flexible and amenable to changing opinions than I am.

    Re example for 22: I used to have a fairly close group of friends, in which there was me, 3 guys and a few satellite friends. When my friend Diego (who was the hub of our group) got together with various combinations of people, his behaviour changed somewhat - language, types of jokes, behaviour, prickliness or warmth towards various people, attitudes regarding women, snobbiness about some things etc. This really didn't have a major impact on me. He was not doing anything morally reprehensible and it didn't matter much. However, I did privately think it seemed a little inconsistent and was not solely a function of different people bringing out slightly different sides of your character/personality. Others had observed the same out loud to him. He brought the issue up in conjunction with other people being upset at him over it and verbalized that he sometimes felt like there were things I didn't approve of but I didn't say anything. If he had been my boyfriend, it may have been different. As he was a close friend, but there was nothing truly wrong, I was okay with it even though I retained my private opinion about it.

    Another example would be a friend of mine in university who would get drunk and make out with people who were recent exes of other friends of ours etc. I thought it was probably a dumb idea to do so and not all that friendly to her friend either, particularly if they were still pining. However, she was not cheating with anyone's bf or anything, so unless she asked me for my opinion, I wouldn't say something.
    That's very interesting. If they were very close friends of mine, I would point it out, esp. if I disapproved and felt strongly about it. I would take care not to hurt their feelings but I couldn't be tight-lipped about it. I thought INFJs are more blunt than INFPs and also feel a certain Fe responsibility which I thought is somewhat like 'taking care of the herd' whereas Fi is more individual-based and well, introverted and more about self, not others. But, maybe the dynamic I have with my girl friends is different from yours and your guy friends. Maybe it's not a type trend, but a dynamic/situational circumstance.

    That aside, I can relate to much of your post even though I am P. I was convinced I was INFJ for a few...months.

    I can relate to 1, 2, 3, 4 somewhat, 5, 6, not 7 (I am more sloppy and I crave my friends and close stimulation every other day), not 8, 9 yes, 10 somewhat, yes 11, not 12, 13, 14, 15!, 16!, 17!, 18!, , somewhat 19 I have become quite flexible about new ideas, not 20, 21...

    what do you mean by 22? Thought I would chime in; the parts I didn't relate to is pretty INFJ vs INFP.

  8. #28
    Iron Maiden Array fidelia's Avatar
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    The part you quoted were a couple of examples to 22. If I thought someone was open to me saying what I thought, I might go ahead. If we were more casual friends, I probably wouldn't. What I meant mostly was that some people are more likely to take people as they come about things that are not complete dealbreakers. I still have an opinion about it, which my close friends can feel even if I don't say anything.

  9. #29
    Cat Wench Array ReadingRainbows's Avatar
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    I know I have a problem facing people that hurt me again, even if I want too. I get really awkward and usually assume the worst, even when logically that is not the case.
    Quote Originally Posted by EffEmDoubleyou View Post
    St. Stephen took rocks and St. Sebastian took arrows. You only have to take some jerks on an internet forum. Nut up.

  10. #30
    Iron Maiden Array fidelia's Avatar
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    Yeah, I can identify with that. I used to dread parent-teacher interviews for years after the first one where a difficult parent came in. I've got a weird complex now about the supervisor for my thesis because of how things went during my time there (it's gotten much worse in my head). I usually assume if I don't hear from someone or if they don't respond to what I say in a conversation right away that it's going to be negative. Fortunately I haven't been terribly hurt in a lot of other ways, so I've never had to find out how I would react.

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